Losing My Religion
by arwen01
Summary: Bella and Edward are safe and back from Volterra... but what if Bella no longer wants the life that she once desired?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SM, nor her amazing story. I'm just playing.**

**Special thanks to my twilife kitten, **_**vszoke **_**for pre-reading and giving ideas from the beginning**_**, **_**and to wonderful **_**tiffaninichole **_**for her support and encouraging me to write this story. I love her stories and she is a beta that every writer could dream about. She turned my stumbling words into a real chapter.**

**Chapter 1**

"_Love is not love which alters when alteration finds."_ -Shakespeare

BPOV

I was sitting on my usual spot on the beach, with a blanket spread under me. I loved it here, the calm and the silence. Okay, not the silence, really. The waves of the ocean were pretty loud and the seagulls' screeching couldn't be described as silence.

But still, this was the silence, the tranquility that I needed.

My thoughts flowed freely here. I didn't have to control my feelings, my reactions, or my facial expressions. I was safe here.

I really didn't know how I hadn't found this place sooner.

I was close to losing myself a few weeks ago. Charlie was the first to mention that something wasn't right with me after he found me washing the same plate for an hour.

That was the first of many signs.

I started to write aimless words into my notebooks. In the beginning it was just normal doodling, but soon that doodling was replaced with words. Words without meaning, unfinished sentences, lines and marks. There was one word which appeared more and more frequently: _me._

It was always surrounded by question marks.

I started to lose myself.

I needed some place- _any _place- to escape to, but there was no exit door for me.

One day, an idea hit me: La Push. First Beach. There, nothing could happen to me. With the wolves guarding me in the surrounding woods, there was no existing threat- natural _or _supernatural.

_No one_ would challenge the wolves.

Of course it wasn't easy to convince the Cullens to let me go there a few times a week. Unprotected and _unmonitored_.

Just the idea of it drove them crazy. But they had to allow me to do this because the truth was that I was truly starting to lose myself and they knew that.

Since Edward was mentally unstable, they lived in constant fear that he would do something harmful, like attempting to commit suicide.

They needed my sanity, as if I were a column, holding and supporting the shattering building named Edward Cullen.

It was a relief to realize that this time, it wasn't _me _who needed _them_.

Of course one of the Cullens was always waiting for me near the treaty border. Thankfully, it was far enough away that they couldn't hear or spy on me. Only the wolves stayed near, but they promised not to disturb my private space.

Jake tried it a few times, and when he did, it was _me _who threatened to never come back. We both knew I meant it. He knew that I wanted to leave town, abandon everyone and everything. He begged me to stay and it was nice to hear that someone actually cared- it was a nice change.

The sun was slowly falling over the horizon. I once read somewhere that it took four minutes for it to totally disappear beyond the horizon. Those four minutes were the most precious to me, watching the sun slowly melting into the ocean. I wished it were that easy for me. To be able to melt into the ground, where there was no guilt, no forced smiles, no obligations... it would be wonderful.

I couldn't understand myself.

The love of my life was back and I was reunited with my beloved vampire family. Charlie was great. Renee was understanding.

And yet, I wished that I could just vanish into nothing- where not even traces of sunbeams could penetrate.

I sighed, stood up and threw a stone into the waves before folding my blanket slowly. My time was up- we'd agreed that I'd only stay until sunset.

I sighed and started to make my way back to the border where one of the Cullens awaited me.

Today it was Rose who was my security guard, and it was no secret that she hated every second of it.

She still didn't accept or even _like_ me since she thought that I was throwing away everything that she yearned for. Specifically my ability to have children. She tried to reason with me, tried to make me see what I would be giving up, but she wasn't successful. I'd made up my mind.

I mentally shrugged.

I couldn't live my life for her. At the age of eighteen, I couldn't care less about having children.

Sometimes I wondered where my sensitivity had gone.

I made my way back with a lowered head, watching my steps on the gravel. I was so lost in my thoughts that I nearly bumped into a hard body. I looked up, startled, not prepared to see him. He was so distant, always seeming like an outsider and looking as if he were in pain whenever I entered the room.

He wasn't allowed to speak to me. Edward did his best to avoid my having _any _interaction with this particular member of the Cullen family.

But there he was, standing in front of me. Staring at his chest, I suddenly realized how tall he was. I slowly lifted my eyes to his face. His muscles were hard and tense under his vintage T-shirt and the wind played with his blond locks.

He was never more beautiful than in that moment. I realized then that I had never really _looked _at him before.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He watched me warily. "I wanted to talk to you."

"But Rose-"

"She helped me arrange this. Tricking the gifted Cullens wasn't so easy." He waved towards the woods. "Your dogs are watching me- the whole pack. If I tried to attack you, they'd kill me in the blink of an eye."

I watched his eyes as they shone like gold in the twilight sky. So similar, yet so different- there wasn't much softness in them. In that moment, I realized that I had no clue who he really was because they kept him a safe distance from me- but somehow he'd convinced Rose to let him come. Somehow he'd persuaded the wolves to keep their distance.

"How did you...?" I moved my hand towards the woods and he smiled.

I'd never seen him smile before.

"I calmed them. Sometimes, I'm grateful for my gift."

"Am I safe?" My fear was beginning to alarm me.

"Do you want to know the truth?" He asked me quietly.

I gulped. "Yes."

"No, you're not safe. I can always stop your wolves. They can't touch me."

"You could kill me." The realization made a cold path run up my spine.

"Yes," he held my gaze. "But I don't want to."

Edward was never so blatant and straightforward with his predatory side. He was never honest like this.

I lifted my chin in mock strength. "So what do you want?"

He stepped closer to me. "You."

**Ple****ase, if you liked it, leave a review. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: As you maybe realized, I'm not SM. I'm just playing in my virtual sandbox. **

_**I want to thank to my pre-reader nazi **__**vszoke**__** for being a really good friend and telling me her honest opinion.**_

_**Also, I'm in love with **__**tifaninichole**__** for her kindness and being the best beta for me. Her stories are addictive and her soul warms my heart.**_

_**I'm overwhelmed how much of you put me on story alert or to your favourites. I'm thankful for those who reviewed, too! **_

Chapter 02

_"You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.__" _– _Saint-Exupéry_

So, this was my life now. I sighed, defeated as I took a step away from Jasper.

I wished I could live my life without being constantly lied to by supernatural beings. I was well-aware of my weak, humanoid status, but I had feelings. And I didn't appreciate those feelings being trifled with.

He _wanted _me?

My anger rose.

I yearned silence and solitude. And now my sanctuary and only escape was tainted by lies.

I held his gaze, trying to stay angry but all I could think of at that moment was how different his eyes were from Edward's. Edward's eyes were angelic, soft and beautifully shaped. His eyelashes gracefully danced across his cheeks each time he blinked.

Jasper's eyes were alluring as well. But there was nothing angelic and cherubic in them. His eyes were anything but innocent, they were hard and unyielding. There was an intense depth in them, similar to Carlisle's. This man had survived some hard times. His eyes whispered of secret stories and hidden places that most would never see. Edward's eyes may have been works of art, but in comparison to Jasper's, they were void and shallow.

Jasper looked straight into my eyes, which was something that I wasn't used to. Though the other Cullens loved me, they couldn't deny their primary instincts: I was their prey, their natural source of food.

They tried to mask it for Edward's sake, but none of them succeeded– except for Carlisle.

They were kind, nice, and helpful, of course. But the Cullens never treated me as an equal.

Even Edward rarely looked me in the eye. The man who wanted to marry me, the man who I saved from ultimate death, couldn't look me in the eye.

To see Jasper's eyes boring into mine left me stunned.

After some time, I finally spoke, choosing to ignore his blatant lie from before.

"What do you want from me?"

"What do I... what?" Guess I'd caught him off guard.

I couldn't help but smile. Surprising a Cullen didn't happen often.

"What. Do. You. Want. From. Me?" I emphasized every word in a lower tone, although I knew that there was no problem with his hearing.

"I heard what you said, silly." _Silly? _The Cullens were so refined and well-mannered. Words like that didn't exist in their vocabulary.

"Did you just call me silly?" I had to make sure I'd heard right.

"Yes." He smiled a lazy, crooked grin, revealing his sharp teeth and a mischievous glint in his eyes. A strange mix of fear and excitement hit me.

And of course he felt it.

Damn empath.

"Since we both know you're not deaf, would you mind answering my question?" I folded my arms across my chest , shivering a little.

"Are you cold? I could bring you my jacket." He turned away, obviously trying to avoid my question, but I grabbed his forearm.

"Don't go."

Even though he could have easily dragged me along, Jasper stopped dead in his tracks. He glanced down at our joined flesh and looked back to me disbelievingly.

"In my one hundred and fifty years of existence, this is the first time that a human has willingly touched me." I couldn't decipher his tone as he stood watching my fingers continue to bore into his long sleeve.

I released his arm ashamed. My face was burning– I felt ridiculous.

"I'm sorry, Jasper... I just wanted answers. I don't need your jacket."

"But you're cold."

If looks could kill, he'd be a pile of ashes

"That's _my _problem, not yours." I really hated this overprotective crap.

I knew that I was playing with fire by snapping at him, but I was so tired of pretending and I needed someone who would challenge me.

Even if that someone was a vampire who tried to kill me.

An appealing idea.

If he killed me, I'd be free from all of this...

"Do you do that a lot?" His voice was bittersweet bourbon pouring into my veins, bringing me back to my reality.

"What?"

"Zoning out."

I tried to look at him menacingly. I probably failed.

"You know, this is one of the few times that I'm grateful that I don't know you."

We watched each other like two huffing, angry cats.

Yeah.

More like a kitten trying to intimidate the savage lion.

The idea made me smile. A smile turned into giggling and soon I was throwing my head back in laughter.

I laughed so hard that my side started to hurt.

My laugh slowly faded and I wiped the tears from my eyes, noticing that he'd been watching me.

"Sorry." I turned away from him to pick up the blanket I'd dropped a moment ago.

"Are you okay?"

He probably thought I was a lunatic.

"Yeah. It's just that... I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard." An idea hit me and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Did you do that?"

"What?" He averted his gaze for a second, then returned it back to me.

"You know what. Did you influence me with your ability?" I looked at him pleadingly.

_Please tell me that you didn't._

If he used his ability on me, that would make him like the others who constantly used their powers on me without my consent.

He didn't answer.

"Jasper, tell me the truth. Did you do that?"

"Maybe a little." There was no remorse in his voice. "I made you giggle but the roaring, unlady-like laughter was all you."

"Roaring? Nice." I snorted. "And I thought you were a gentleman."

"Would you rather I compare your laugh to a wounded jackal?"

"Don't do that again," I huffed. "And a lady doesn't laugh like a wounded animal."

He held back his laughter. "A lady certainly doesn't. But _you _do." Oh, so Jasper was playful now?

Wait. Did I just use the words "playful" and "Jasper" in the same sentence?

That thought was sobering.

This was Jasper, for God's sake. The guy who tried to kill me.

"I think I'll take that jacket now."

He disappeared without a word and returned within a few seconds, draping his leather jacket over my shoulders. I inhaled and was relieved. He didn't smell like Edward. Jasper's scent reminded me of something sweet and indulgent... like chocolate.

There was a hint of caramel, and something slightly bitter. Jasper was mouthwatering.

I blushed and lowered my face, attempting to hide it. What was I doing, thinking these things?

"So, Jasper, why are you here?" I attempted to take the focus away from my feelings.

"I wanted to talk with you without witnesses."

"Why?"

"Because there's no other way." There was desperation in his voice.

"That's not true. We can talk at your house. Or at school."

"We could." He confirmed. "However, any time I've decided to speak to you, I was blocked by Alice or Edward. Not to mention Emmett."

He smiled again, like a kid in a candy-store. "But I figured that if Alice isn't able to see you here, then she won't be able to see me, either. Any decisions made here," he waved his hand around. "Are hidden from her sight."

"How did you get away without Alice noticing?"

"I've known her for sixty years and I've learned how her ability works. She must know the place and the time of a decision in order to see clearly. Otherwise, her visions are just flashes and useless, blurry images. In that way, her ability is flawed."

We started to walk towards the treaty line, where Rose was waiting for us. I was stunned and anticipating one of the strangest conversations in my life.

_What did this man want from me?_

"Are you listening?" He asked, sensing my distraction.

"Yes." _Crap._ "I promise I won't get distracted again."

"Alright." He looked disappointed.

"So where does Alice think you are?" I tried to keep my tone nonchalant.

"She thinks that I've decided to visit Peter, a friend of mine. Alice hates him."

It was hard to imagine my kind and bubbly friend hating anyone.

"And that's why she hasn't looked into your future?"

"No, she certainly will. But I'm sure that she'll try monitoring Peter's decisions, since I'm always undecided in his presence. Decades ago, he advised me to stay undecided and she'd get bored. He was right."

"How did your friend know this?"

He shrugged. "How do I know your emotions? How is Edward able to read minds? Peter just knows things. And he always warns me when something's up." He held up his Blackberry in his left hand.

"Why would you need to disappear from Alice's sight?"

"Because I feel like a fucking caged animal."

Wow.

Cursing?

"Okay, I get it. So, Peter covers for you and makes decisions for you, right?" He nodded. "Alice gets bored and when she does, you make your escape. Nice trick."

"She would never think that I'd willingly come to the reservation."

"What about Edward?" I asked after a a few beats of silence.

His smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Edward..." he snorted a little. Yet another reminder that he was very different from the others.

He.

Snorted.

"He's no real threat to me. Edward is able to hear what I'm thinking about exactly at that moment. He can't see into my past or future. Just a random thought that flickers through my mind at the time."

He smiled that lazy smile of his again. "Em and Rose are real pros in misleading him with their thoughts."

"I can imagine that Emmett drives him crazy." I laughed, but stopped when we neared the treaty line.

"Why did you come here?" I asked him warily, needing answers.

"I told you already."

"Oh, I remember. Silly human." I slapped my palm against my forehead. His expression warned me that I was close to crossing his line of patience. "Okay, seriously. Tell me what you want from me."

"Why would I want anything from you?"

"I don't know. Maybe, I think you want something from me because everyone _else _does. Carlisle and Esme want me to behave like a good, _proper _daughter. They want me to call them mom and dad, despite the fact that my own parents are still alive and well." My voice rose. "Alice wants me to be her cute, prim little human doll to put on display. Sometimes I want to kill her– "

His expression caused me to stop rambling. "Oh crap. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to–"

"It's fine. I'm just amused because you have the same feelings when you're with her." He looked into the dark waves. A long second later, he turned to me. "And what about the others?"

I knew what he meant.

"Rose wants me to stay human so that she can live vicariously through me. She'd be happy to see me giving birth to at least five babies that she'll insist on raising herself."

I paused. "Emmett is honest. He wants nothing, only to make me smile. And Edward..." I sighed. "He wants a perfect mate. A perfect, cookie-cutter, Stepford wife." I turned back to him. "So, like I asked before, what do _you _want from _me_?"

"Just to talk to you."

"Why?"

"Honestly, I'm close to wanting to choke you for your constant asking of the same question." He looked angry again, but this time, I didn't fear him.

"Do it." I challenged him. He studied my face and I didn't know what he saw, but I could see that he was stunned.

"You mean it." He said quietly.

"Yes." Relief washed over me after finally being free to tell the truth.

Darkness surrounded us and I was surprised to find that we had walked all the way back to the shore. From the waves came the cold wind, which playfully whipped our hair around and made me thankful for Jasper's insistence that I wear his jacket. His golden hair, darkening eyes and the ominous woods behind him were an intimidating sight.

I couldn't help picturing myself drained and casually thrown into the ocean.

He closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply. When he opened them again, the gold had returned to them. Almost.

"No."

"Okay." I shrugged, slightly disappointed at his refusal to kill me.

He swept his hair out of his face, looking confused.

"I don't understand what's going on. I haven't slipped for decades– I smelled your blood before when James attacked you... "

I sat down on a big grey stone, watching the dark waves of the ocean.

"Tell me what you felt."

He was silent again. I immediately appreciated that he didn't feel the need to fill the silence with empty words or, in Edward's case, with music.

"I felt an overwhelming desire to be close to you. I've never felt anything like it. I would kill for a drop of your blood. When you went home after your party, I searched and searched for traces of even a _drop _in the carpet. But of course, Esme did a perfect job with the clean up. The towels that were soaked with your blood, the gauze from Carlisle's study, _everything _was burned. I know I looked pathetic sitting on my knees for days near the spot where your blood hit the floor, but I couldn't give up."

That made me angry.

"If you sit here and tell me that my blood sings to you, I promise that whenever we're near each other, I'll do nothing but radiate nausea and diarrhea to you. I'll make you miserable and you'll have no relief unless you kill me."

If he could, he would have blanched. "You're disgusting."

"Speak for yourself. Thinking of me as a snack is pretty gross."

"You _are _a snack, Bella."

"And you're an animal. But I don't throw it in your face." He looked perplexed and I continued, rolling my eyes. "So, I assume that you came here to apologize for nearly killing me?"

"No. I told you why I came." He was kneeling in front of me and I gasped at his sudden closeness. His eyes darkened as his face inched nearer. "I want you, Bella."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you all for Reviews and Alerts! You make me happy! **

**I'm still not SM.**

**Big pervy kiss goes to my twilife kitten **_**vszoke**_** for her patience and humor. And for being a punctual pre-reader nazi for me. :)**

_**Tiffaninichole**_** is a sparkly ray of light in my life! I'm very, very, very, very (plus 100 times very) thankful for her betaing skills, support and for being a great friend!**

Chapter 03

_"Human on my faithless arm:  
Time and fevers burn away" -W.H. Auden: Lullaby__  
_

**JPOV**

Silly little human. Thinking that she could play with fire and intimidate me.

When I decided to come to First Beach and make my treaty with the wolves, I thought this would be easy.

I thought that I would simply ask her to let me taste her blood and she'd readily comply. I needed to prove something to myself and wouldn't have peace until I did.

The first time I saw her in the high school cafeteria, she looked so simple. The first time we all smelled her, controlling my bloodlust had become almost impossible.

Everyone in the family pitied Edward. Pitied him for having to deal with the thoughts of those around him. But they never gave me a second thought. Never considered how difficult it was to feel the multitude of emotions that assaulted me every second of the day. Bloodlust was the worst.

When she first glanced towards our table, towards Edward, she was full of curiosity. Since she was so entranced by him, she never noticed that I stared at her with the same intensity.

But then something strange happened. Instead of feeling the usual awe or envy as the other human children had, Bella began radiating compassion and a kind of understanding towards us.

I glanced to Alice and Edward, figuring they'd be monitoring me as they always did, but this time, Alice watched Edward and Edward... well, his eyes were locked on that human girl.

I looked at her more closely.

I was immediately attracted to her natural beauty, that she had no desire to draw attention by wearing revealing clothing intrigued me. Compared to other human girls, she was something different. The way her clothes wrapped perfectly around her body... I badly wanted to see her naked.

The whole family loved her, but only Carlisle and Emmett loved her for who she was and _not_ for her scent. The rest constantly struggled with their bloodlust.

I felt it every time she came to our home. The raw bloodlust from all sides hit me with an earth-shattering intensity. One would think that Edward had it the worst since Bella was his singer, but the truth was that we all felt it the same.

And I couldn't care less if any one of them drained her. She was nothing to me. _They _were nothing to me.

My time with this coven was just a necessary stage, something temporary.

I came here with Alice because she assured me that it was my fate to live with the Cullens for a while.

It was boring and restraining. Feeding from animals made me weak. Not only physically, but worse, mentally as well.

I was no longer the Major who had single-handedly defeated thousands of newborns and whose name was only whispered among my kind in fear. I was now the motherfucker who was a family man, drinking from Bambie in the forest. Pathetic.

There was a time when I would have never allowed myself to be caught in such humiliating situations. Allowing Peter to make my decisions for me, for instance. There were times when I wanted to explode with rage, but Alice always stopped me.

"Be patient," she'd repeat time and time again. I'd go back to my place and wait. And wait. For fifty fucking years I've done nothing but wait.

I wanted to kill. Each time I saw a human, I mentally fantasized about how I'd end its life, slowly draining its blood until its heart stopped beating. I didn't care if that human had a family, whether it was rich or poor. The only thing that mattered to me was the blood, that liquid gold pulsing through it's veins. _That_ was what made a human valuable to me.

Of course, I'd only think those things when I was out hunting alone. Sometimes I wished that my own allies and comrades were with me. But that wasn't feasible; we all needed to hide.

Not ending Maria was the biggest mistake of my existence. It was because of her that I needed to hide and live this derogatory life.

And then _she _appeared. A simple, boring human walked into our lives and changed everything. And I, for the first time in fifty years, wasn't sure how much longer I'd be able to keep up this disgraceful Cullen diet.

Every single member of the coven became happier simply because of her. I watched from a distance and felt the hope, love and happiness increase in each of them. Even Rose, the sarcastic harpy, loved Bella. Although she was hiding it well.

I started to look forward to her visits at the house, because I was slightly addicted to the euphoria that came with her presence. Even if it was marred by that damn thirst of theirs.

Everything went wrong on that night. Because of me.

A human, who was nothing to me and who I was nothing to, changed my life. No one saw what was coming when I lunged for her.

Alice had stopped speaking to me. She shut herself into her visions and when she wasn't in her head, she'd walk around with sad eyes, not speaking a word. Hours. Days. Weeks. Without a word.

Nothing was the same anymore. After a while, she started speaking to me again, but only when I wanted to leave. When that happened, she'd become livid, throwing things around the room, shattering pieces of furniture, shouting in all of the languages that she was fluent in. I'd then use my ability to calm her because honestly, I was a growing bored with her ramblings.

"Why should I stay here, Alice?" I'd ask, breaking the silence, because there was no point. Nothing was left of our relationship.

"Because I love you!" She'd sob noisily, throwing herself into my arms.

It was true, she loved me desperately. Was it enough? No. But Peter had made me stay, time and time again. He'd always told me that Alice would lead us to the one who would complete our army against Maria.

So I stayed. And because I was bored, I returned to my favorite memories. Unsurprisingly, there weren't many of them. One day Bella's face randomly showed up in my memories and it shocked the hell out of me. She was so different from me, from us. I was surprised to realize that I'd started to miss her. Even when I was angry with her for hindering me from finding the one who I was looking for, I missed her.

She let us back into her life after she'd saved Edward in Volterra, but her feelings were no longer the same.

I was the first to discover that Bella wasn't dazzled by us anymore. There was love, but that love was entangled with pity and disdain for Edward.

But since she was self-sacrificing Bella, she stayed with him.

I wanted everything to return to its former state. The happiness, the innocent smiles, the bliss. She was a very pleasant distraction to our endless sting of boring days and bland nights.

Peter continued sending me mysterious messages that made no sense. But he was never wrong, so I heeded his words. He advised me to taste Bella's blood because it would somehow resolve the problem we had.

That was why I risked my own life to come here and to ask her one simple question.

But she was nothing like what I expected.

First off, she'd left the mask of innocence and kindness behind.

She was sassy. She acted as if she didn't care. Her emotions were flat and uninterested. She was stronger than I thought.

But under those feelings was hiding a delusioned, disappointed and bitter person who welcomed death.

She challenged me and I just couldn't bring myself to ask her for a taste.

I crossed more lines from that conversation than I could afford and nothing went as I expected.

Christ, she was so annoying that I wanted to choke her and throw her into the sea.

And she fucking touched me. Her little palm on my cold skin was so warm, so good, that I suddenly understood Edward's infatuation with her. No wonder he was so dependent on her humanity.

It was hard to admit, but she was anything but boring. I _liked _that she dared me, challenged me.

So, if she wanted a challenge, I'd give her one.

I lowered onto my knees in front of her, bathing in her shock.

"I want you." I said, trying not to chuckle. Surely this little virgin would soon run from the beach screaming and blushing up a storm. Then I'd catch her and finally sneak a taste of her blood. Even with the risk that I might not be able to stop. It had been a long time since I'd tasted the ambrosia of human blood on my tongue. At that moment, I didn't care that she might not survive the evening.

Disbelief and suspicion hit me, almost knocked me on my ass. But after a second, she started radiating lust and yearning so fierce and burning, I was thankful that I was already kneeling.

Her arousal would have easily brought me to my knees.

Her breathing became shallow and I closed my eyes. I wanted to feel everything. Every single emotion.

I heard her lift her left hand, stretching it in my direction. Her sweet warmth so close to wrapping around me.

I felt her hand on my skin before she even touched me. The moment seemed to last forever, my yearning for her touch was overwhelming. Although it wasn't necessary, I inhaled deeply to regain my calmness. I tried to calm her as well, but it didn't work.

She... _did _something with my calming waves. They felt stronger, more powerful. Then she overpowered them with her own feelings and flung them back to me.

I was fucking shocked. Confused and shocked.

I needed all of my strength to stay kneeling where I was. What she was feeling nearly knocked me into the ocean. _What the hell?_

My eyelids opened a bit to see what was she doing. Her little fingers inched closer to me in the darkness. Her satiny pale skin slightly glowing in the moonlight as she touched me.

She entangled her fingers in my hair and enveloped me.

Compassion.

Reverence.

Devotion.

I leaned into her touch and she gasped. Hell, I wanted to gasp too. To cry from relief.

She slowly swept a stray of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear, lingering there for a moment longer than needed.

I felt her determination when she sank to her knees palming my jaw line, her labored breaths fanning across my face. I shivered from the veil of lust surrounding us as my hands involuntarily moved towards her.

A distant growl from the woods sounded and I shot calm waves to the dogs. They were under my control and could do nothing about it.

She was mine at that moment, to do whatever I wanted with.

I slowly opened my eyes. She was blushing and I never thought that a simple blush would have such a strong effect on me. She was biting her lip, her eyes wide and expressive.

Like she was seeing me for the very first time.

And I was seeing _her _for the very first time. She was beautiful. Big chestnut brown eyes, pink lips, long auburn hair, skin that begged for my touch.

A sharp feeling of freedom split the thick fog of yearning around us. _Freedom?_ Why would she feel free from simply looking at me?

Nevertheless, I was thankful for the distraction. I could think straight again. I needed to get back to myself.

"You... want me?"

"Yes."

"What does that mean?"

"I want to taste your blood."

Her eyes went as wide as saucers. Her lips started to tremble when realization hit her.

She jumped to her feet and since this was Bella, she stumbled a bit. But when she regained her balance, she continued running away from me.

I could easily catch her. But her emotions stopped me.

She was hurt. Christ, she was so hurt and disappointed at that moment, her emotions paralyzed me.

I couldn't move.

My cell chirped and I could barely move my hand to look at the display. It was Peter.

_It's her. She's what you need._

I re-read the message a few dozen times within a few seconds before it dawned on me. She was able to stop me.

I struggled against the emotions pinning me to the gravel. My arms were heavy, my body was useless. My mind raced, trying to figure out how I'd get up.

_It's her. _Peter never fails. Maybe she could be it...

"Bella!" I yelled, defeated.

My voice stopped her and her feelings began to wane.

When I was able to move again, I reached her in the blink of an eye.

"Bella, please... look at me." I heard a distant chuckle from Rose and I realized that we were close to the treaty line. She could hear us.

"Please, come back with me."

In my entire existence there were very few instances where I resorted to begging anyone.

She stood like a statue, suddenly shutting down every emotion from me. I wasn't very surprised. In my presence, she'd done that plenty of times in the past few months. Usually she'd emotionally cut herself off from the world when she didn't want to face anything unpleasant.

"I don't want to go back with you. Ever." I gaped at her back, starting to understand what caused her to shut down.

I realized that she was speaking to herself, barely a mumble.

Rose was giggling in the background, amused that I was begging the human for anything. _I'd deal with her later._

Bella straightened her back at my words and lifted her chin. When she finally turned back to me, my dead heart became heavy with the sadness that I saw in her eyes.

"Come back with me for a moment." I pleaded.

"Why? This is as good a place as any to finish me."

"I don't want to kill you." I looked straight in her eyes although it was hard for me because her tears were killing me. "But look at that cliff," I waved towards the cliff which she probably couldn't see with her human eyes. She surely knew that place from where the rez boys used to jump. Hell, she'd done it once, too.

"Over there, furthest from the treaty line, no one can hear us. Right now, Rose is very entertained by our conversation and I really want to explain what I said a minute ago. But not with an audience."

She looked at me hesitantly, and I felt her confusion. Her pulse became frantic, but determination won and she silently followed me back to where we'd just come from.

I gently pushed her back down onto the stone and once again, kneeled in front of her.

"Look I don't want you to be afraid of me."

"But you said that you wanted to taste me." Her voice was quiet and she lowered her head.

I nodded.

"But I didn't say that I wanted to drain you." I ran a hand through my hair but it didn't feel as good as when she did it. "Look, it's not easy to explain. I feel wholly responsible for what happened-"

"It wasn't your fault. I was never angry with you for it." She sighed. There were no more traces of her arousal. Just sadness.

"Bella, I'm trying to understand what happened that night." I shook my head. This was really hard. "Do you remember when we killed James?" She rolled her eyes and nodded. "You were bleeding. I was standing behind you and I smelled your blood... and it did nothing to me. Of course, I wanted to drain you, like all of us at that time, but it wasn't overwhelming. I could easily handle it."

"That's true." Her brow furrowed- she was confused. _Welcome to my world._

"And then, on your birthday, I attacked you out of nowhere." I stopped for a moment.

"And now... you want to taste my blood. Like some kind of test?" She finally started to get it.

"I want- I _need _to know if I'll be able to control myself when I taste you."

"And that's why you chose this place. The wolves can save me if anything bad happens, right?"

I needed to tell her the truth.

"The wolves are no threat to me. Originally, I intended to ask one or two of them to be close in case I got overwhelmed. But I now realize that they are not powerful enough. Right now they're under my control and can't save you."

"And you'd still risk it?"

"Yes. I don't know why, but I need a drop of your blood."

"But who will save me?" This girl had balls to ask a vampire such a thing.

"You." She gaped at me. "A few minutes ago, I couldn't stand up to chase after you. Your emotions literally pinned me to the ground. I figured that maybe you could do it again. I'd like to train you and in turn, train myself, to figure out how powerful you are."

"So, if you don't stop, I could stop you myself... with my emotions?"

"Yes."

"But how do you know?"

"You have a death wish, already, don't you?" I shrugged. "So, if my theory fails, your wish will be granted."

She looked at me, trying to determine whether I was joking or not.

"Fine. What do I need to do?" She asked warily.

"Give me your hand. First we can start with a simple touch. And then we'll see what happens from there." I stood up.

I felt her hesitation and saw the question in her eyes. That moment lasted forever and I felt like my whole faith and future depended on her trust.

Finally, she sighed and I sensed her determination.

She slowly stretched her right hand and put her palm into mine.

BPOV

The tension was palpable between us. My palm rested in his, and it felt like home. A home pulsing with electricity. I caught him looking at our joined hands then back to me, like he couldn't believe that we actually were in such closeness.

My fingers slightly quivered, and I felt my heart in my throat.

I was lost in his smoldering eyes.

He smiled dangerously and brought my hand to his lips.

My pulse started racing and his nostrils flared when he smelled the blood rushing through my veins.

"Are you afraid?" he looked at me with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Despite my warring emotions, I couldn't help but smile at his words. It was as if he was quoting my very first conversation with Edward in the woods.

As I looked back at him, I realized that he _was_ quoting Edward. Of _course_ he must have known about it. Edward must have filled all of them in on what happened between us that day. What else did he tell them about us?

I narrowed my eyes. Two could play this game.

"No." I challenged him with a smirk. Although, I was sure that he could sense my slight panic.

"You should be." To prove his point, his cold lips slowly lowered and brushed against my wrist.

A shiver ran down my spine. My skin felt electrified wherever his lips touched in a strange mix of fear and pleasure.

When his lips parted on my skin I started to tremble with anticipation.

His eyes stayed connected to mine as his cold tongue slid in slow circles over my wrist and my breathing became shallow as I watched that tongue leave its blazing trail. I felt his razor sharp teeth grazing my heated skin and I inhaled deeply as I felt wetness pooling in my center.

"I could bite you now." He lightly nipped at my skin.

I watched him with heavy lidded eyes. He was so feral, _sensual_.

"Do you want to?" I licked my lips.

He smiled crookedly.

"You have no idea how much." He resumed kissing my wrist and with his other hand, he grabbed my waist and pulled me flush against his hard body. My nipples hardened at the contact.

He looked into my eyes, still kissing my wrist, and it started to become too much. Never in my life had I felt like this.

"Please."

He hissed at my plea and a sudden wave of intense arousal surrounded me. My body molded into his hard, muscled chest. But it wasn't enough. I wanted to be closer to him.

He took a deep breath and... dropped my hand.

Hurt, I turned my face away, hiding behind my hair. I was ashamed at how I'd acted, only to be rejected. Again.

I tried to step away from him, but his arm was still around my waist and he had no intention of letting me go.

"I know what you're feeling. Look at me." I tried to squirm away, refusing to obey. He grabbed my face, sweeping my hair away with an angry but gentle motion, and lifted my chin. Our eyes met and he wiped a single traitor tear from my eye. "Look. At. Me."

He held my face until my roaming eyes finally found his.

"I want you in every way, Bella. I want to taste you. To feel you... every part of you. Even when I don't know yet where this path will lead us." He paused and I was confused. Why would he want me? "But it's dangerous."

"Go to hell." I tried to step away again, and this time, he let me.

"No, Bella. This is nothing like Edward's weak, whiny refusals." He stepped closer to me. "This is truly dangerous because _no one_ can stop me from doing what I want. Do you understand? No one. Plus, your emotions are a little overwhelming." His face straightened. "I'll have to train you, teach you how to control them."

"How?"

"Meet me back here tomorrow after the lunch with my family."

"And if I don't?"

He leaned in closer to me, slowly running his nose up and down the column of my throat. I gasped, gripping his shoulders to stay upright as my pelvis pressed harder into his.

"That wasn't a request, Bella. Come."

I stumbled forward, losing my footing. Confused, I looked around and realized that I was alone. I huffed and stomped back towards the treaty border where Rosalie was waiting.

Damn speedy vampire.

**Reviews make me post the new chapter soon. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I'm not SM, but I'm in love with her amazing story.**

**I'd like to thank to my eternal companion, **_**vszoke**_** for being my faithful sub and pre-reader for everything I write.**

**This chapter is betad by **_**tiffaninichole**_** and **_**mynxi**_** (yeah, I'm **_**that **_**lucky and happy to have their help and support!). If you're bored with this chapter, feel free to list their stories and you'll see, how much do they love our mouthwatering Jasper! **

**Warning: **** This chapter looks like a filler, but still it's important. It's okay, if you want to jump from the window. Believe me, Bella does too. **

Chapter 04

_Beauty, midnight, vision dies:  
Let the winds of dawn that blow  
Softly round your dreaming head  
Such a day of welcome show  
Eye and knocking heart may bless,  
Find our mortal world enough;  
Noons of dryness find you fed  
By the involuntary powers,  
Nights of insult let you pass  
Watched by every human love.  
_

_- W.H. Auden: Lullaby - _

Rose was puffing and angry when I finally reached her and I couldn't blame her for it. I'd originally intended to act normal, like nothing

happened, but apparently, Rose had other plans.

She slipped behind the steering wheel of her shiny red Mercedes, not even bothering to look at me. When she started the engine, I fished

a sandwich out from my bag and started to eat, despite knowing that she hated when I ate in her car.

The silence surrounded us like a thick fog and I couldn't take the tension anymore.

I hated when anyone was angry with me.

"Rose, please... I'm sorry I was late."

"I'm not angry because you were late. I just..." she closed her eyes for a moment and I almost had an out of body experience because she was driving inhumanly fast.

"Edward."

"Yes," she confirmed. "I hate that there are already so many things I have to keep from him."

"I understand. He's your family and I'm intruding."

"No, that's not what I'm saying," she sighed. "Edward's greatest weakness is that he loves to be informed about everything. He could be

a great interrogator with the CIA." She smiled at her own joke and her face was as beautiful as ever.

"He's prying more than he should. Emmett and I have worked out a system to avoid his constant intruding. I'm sure, that Carlisle and Esme have too, by the way. When we see a certain glint in his eyes, we know that he's starting to eavesdrop. And it's _then _that we start to think about things that would make a mortal man blush in embarrassment."

She smiled turned to me and smiled disdainfully. I tried to keep my cringing to a minimum, but her inattention to the road had me gripping the hell out of my seat.

"Why are you telling me this?" I wondered.

"Because from now on, we have to cover for you, too." She glanced towards

me and sighed again. "Look, if it weren't for Jasper, I'd be more than happy to show Edward why you were _really_ late."

_Ouch_. That hurt. But I already knew that she didn't care for, _or_, accept me. It was no surprise that she would choose Edward over me.

"Jazz asked me to tell you to be aware of how

you behave in Eddie's presence. He might not be able to read your

mind, but he can read other signs very well."

"What do you mean?"

"First of all, take a shower, wash your clothes and _don't _forget to wash your hair. Jasper's scent is all over you. Second, wipe that Cheshire cat grin from your face. You haven't smiled like this in the longest. He'd know something was up."

I straightened my face. "Is it that obvious?"

"Why do you think the family agreed to your little trips to your mutt territory?"

"Rose, please..."

"I don't care if you're friends with those stinky creatures. I'm not your puppet. I'm not Edward."

I wanted to snap at her because honestly, I was really fed up with her bitching. But she was finally not only speaking to me, but _helping_ me, so I swallowed my

sassy retort.

I sighed loudly. "Okay, what else do I do?"

She looked surprised. Surely she expected a fight and, maybe before this afternoon, I would have wasted my time with this childish crap. But not now.

"Don't mention that Jasper was there. Also, if you decide to go to that beach again, you ask for me or Em to guard you. Alice may insist- don't allow her to do it. Don't ask why," she added, seeing my questioning face.

"I can't tell you everything. But

I _can _tell you this: I don't want to know how this ends. Jasper crossed a line for you today, and I'm not just talking about the treaty line. He broke some important rules, Bella. Somehow you've inspired him make a move."

"You know that I don't understand any of this, right?"

"You don't have to." The lights of the town started to come into view. "One last

thing. In regards to this situation, don't decide _anything_ until you cross the treaty line."

"I'll keep that in mind." I watched the buildings we passed in silence. I knew that my time was up, but I needed more information from her.

"Rose, I don't understand... exactly _why _did Jasper

meet me on the beach?"

She rolled her eyes. "Didn't he tell you _anything_?"

"Yes and no. We talked about... other stuff."

"Well, I'm sure he'll go to your precious beach again to fill you in when the time is right."

"Did I do something to upset him?"

"Why do you think that everything is always about you?"

Okay, I really tried to be patient with her, but this was the last straw.

"Maybe because I'm constantly in the dark and no one lets me so much as pick my own clothes or choose the food I shove down my throat. Have you ever thought that since everything is hidden from me that I maybe, just maybe, might think that you're all being secretive for a _reason?_ Forgive me, almighty Rosalie, when my feeble human brain becomes a little curious about what the hell is going on in _my _life." My anger seeped into the thick atmosphere of the tiny car, but she didn't say anything- just stayed cold as ever.

Her cell chirped and she looked at the display with vampire speed. "We need to finish our chat. _Someone _is

getting curious."

I immediately knew that it had to be Emmett warning

her about Alice. "Our golden boy," she winked. "Is going to show up in your room in twenty minutes. My decisions are now being watched, so be a good girl and do as I said."

The rest of the ride was spent in uncomfortable silence until we stopped at my home.

I opened the door of the car and before I stepped out, I leaned in and briefly hugged her.

She immediately stiffened and looked truly dumbfounded.

"Thank you." I whispered into her hair.

She waved and dashed away as soon as I closed the car door behind me.

Charlie was home. I glanced at the wall clock and was surprised to see that it was already 10 p.m.

I was really late.

I put my blanket into the drawer next to the entry and then, with an inward sigh, I went to see him, laying on the old couch and already sleeping. There was some baseball game on TV that I turned off before gently touching his tired face.

"Hi, Dad."

His eyes popped open, looking surprised.

"You're home, finally," he mumbled. "What time is it?" He sat up, and

rubbed his face with his palms. "Christ, it was a hard day. I'm drained."

"It's ten. Did you have anything for dinner?" I asked, heading to the kitchen.

"Yeah, Sue was here this afternoon and left some lasagna." He smiled

sleepily. I knew that he was in love with her, but she was still

grieving for her husband, who died six months ago at the hands of Victoria. "It's in the oven, if you want to eat."

"Okay, I just need to grab a quick shower." I remembered Rose's orders. I turned the oven on, and rushed up to my room. I stripped out of my clothes, and jumped in the shower. It was a sad thing, washing away that sweet scent of Jasper's from my skin. When I finished, I

grabbed my used clothes and threw them in the washer before rushing back to the kitchen. The lasagna was already warmed, so I put some of the delicious smelling food on my plate and went back to my room.

I was sitting on my bed, my body wrapped in my new golden brown comforter.

The old purple one always reminded me of Edward and his constant control over me. I couldn't take looking at it anymore. Three months after he left me, I sent it to Salvation Army and bought this new one, which immediately gave my depressing room a warm and inviting feel.

The faded blue color of the walls were long gone. With Edward's help, it was now light beige. I put all of my old stuff into a box and threw that box into a dusty, old forgotten corner in the attic. I still had my furniture, despite Edward's pleads to buy me a new bedroom set. I shot that down immediately.

As I was eating, I wasn't surprised when I looked up and suddenly found Edward sitting on the other end of my bed. He was always sneaking up on me.

"Hi." I forced a smile- which was now common for me, because being with Edward no longer made me happy.

He reminded me of a beautiful, damaged angel and I pitied him. So much beauty, inside and out, yet he still couldn't believe that he was worth being loved. I was tired of trying to prove my love to him, time and again.

"You're late," he told me with amused expression. I felt guilty.

"Yes. Sorry." I continued eating because I couldn't look in his eyes. He'd see the guilt.

"You know that I'm constantly worrying when you go there."

"Yes, I know." I sighed. "But there's nothing to worry about."

"How can you say that? The wolves are unstable. They could attack you at anytime."

Oh, my... here we go again. I'd suddenly lost my appetite and stood up to take my plate to the kitchen. He didn't stop me. When I returned, he was standing next to my open window.

I stepped up behind him and put my arms around his waist, hoping the night could still be salvaged.

"Edward, I don't want to fight. I was so taken with the beauty of the scenery..." I felt his back tense against the side of my face.

"Please, love, don't insult my intelligence." His velvet voice spewed anger. Clearly, my attempt to make this a good evening had vanished.

"Fine. What do you want to hear? That I screwed Jake?" I turned away and stomped back to my bed, climbing under my comforter. He sat next to me, watching me warily.

"Bella, _please_. Language."

"Really? My foul language is your biggest concern? Aren't you jealous, heart-broken, or I don't know... _angry_, that I could have had sex with Jake?"

"I can tell when you're lying. Besides, if you were with Jake, I'd smell blood on you... not because of your lost virginity, but because I'm positive that he wouldn't have been able to be gentle with you. You're untouched. I sense nothing besides your clean scent."

"Yeah, I took a shower. That salty wind is bad for my hair."

His brow furrowed. "Since when are you worried about your hair?"

Crap.

"Please, Edward, don't. I'm tired." He watched me scrutinizingly and it made me more upset.

I was his fiancée, not an exhibit to be gawked at!

"Okay," he sighed. "Let's go to bed."

No way. Not after this afternoon on the beach.

"If..." My courage had left the building. I cleared my throat and started again. "If you... don't mind, I-I'd prefer to sleep alone... tonight." I fumbled for words as my fingers toyed with the blanket covering me.

He didn't look surprised. "I understand."

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Edward, but there's a lot going on my mind and I just need to be alone tonight."

"Okay."

Why did he always have to be so understanding? I desperately wanted him to fight for me, for _us_. But he backed out- _again_.

He put a box on my desk and slowly walked to the window ledge.

"What's in that box?"

"Well, Alice told me that you desired chocolate. So, I took it upon myself to bring you Belgian Truffles."

Chocolate?

What the hell?

xxx

The July sun woke me up the next morning with its lazy beams.

I thought that I'd have nightmares since Edward hadn't held me through the night. But I actually felt almost normal.

While standing under the spray of my shower, I tried to think about everything that had happened since we'd gotten back from Volterra.

The first days were full of hesitation. Say yes, say no. To forgive or not.

Then one day, I woke up and I felt ashamed. I was ashamed of myself. When he left me, I stayed frozen in time, hoping he'd come back. I was selfish. I'd abandoned my friends. I let Charlie suffer. I let half

a year of my life vanish without caring or doing anything about it.

All of my friends lived their normal lives. They fell in love, they broke up. They gossiped in locker rooms, went to movies. And I missed out on all of it.

It was _my _fault that I had started to see myself as a member of the Cullen family, even when I knew that Edward didn't want to make me one

of them.

It was _my _fault that everything in me was dependent on him, even though he always made me feel as if I were less.

I was pathetic.

Since he couldn't read my mind, he became an addict, constantly wanting to know what I was thinking or feeling. He was always watching Alice. He searched and tracked her visions over and over, trying to find anything that he didn't already know. Edward even kept an eye on Jasper, knowing that he could feel my emotions.

Rose was right- he was obsessed with knowing and being in control of everything.

Where had the old Edward gone? The man who was with me now was full of suspicion and disbelief and kept a watchful eye on me at all times.

I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. While brushing my teeth, my mind started to race again.

I needed a way out. I needed to do something before the last bridge was burned behind me.

Rose's voice began ringing in

my head, words flashing like neon signs.

_"__...d__on't decide_anything _un__til you cross__the treaty line."_

It was easier than I thought. I occupied my mind with boring

things, like what to wear to work on Monday, whether I felt like washing my

hair or not, what to cook for Charlie on Thursday. I thought about the move to Texas that was in my near future, where I would be attending law school.

Edward wanted to come with me. Luckily, Texas was too sunny for a vampire.

I grinned at that- how defeated he'd looked.

I'd started to resent him for the way he acted. He was a man for God's sake and he

acted like a puppy. He knew that he screwed up our relationship, but I gave him a second chance. He knew my expectations, my hopes. Yet, he remained the same self-loathing, brooding and depressed vampire that he'd always been.

I wanted a man. A _real _man. A man who knew what he wanted. I was sick of coddling Edward.

My thoughts left my brain as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom and saw Alice sitting on my bed with a sweet smile on her lips.

I was stunned, to say the least. Alice was smiling but her eyes were black, and she was so tense that I began to panic.

Last night, I let her husband touch me, speak about things that were forbidden and dangerous.

What was I _thinking_? That she and Edward would conveniently disappear? This was my life and I couldn't abandon my obligations.

"Hi," I managed to squeak with a weak smile. "I didn't hear you come in."

She didn't respond to my lame attempt at acting normal. Alice wasn't her usual bouncy herself.

"I just came to drop off a dress for you for the lunch."

"Alice, please. I have my own clothes."

"Isabella Marie," she jumped to her feet. "It's Sunday and this lunch is really important for my family."

Suspicion spread through me.

"Why? It's only lunch, right?" Something was up and I couldn't figure out what it was. It was then that I spotted the mentioned dress on my bed. It was a simple, knee-length halter dress along with a few silver accessories and heels placed neatly beside it.

I frowned.

"Ali, with all due respect, I can't wear this."

"Why? It's so cute and I _know_ that Edward will like it."

"Alice, it's pale green. You know that this is not my color, you tell me _all_ the time."

"Please? I can't change it now. The table is already being set in this lovely color already." She looked at me pleadingly. "And Charlie-"

"You involved my _dad _in your plan?" I was right. Something was definitely up.

"It's just... Esme reminded us that we don't really know your dad, and since you're a part of the family..." She shrugged apologizing.

"You invited him." She nodded.

"And he promised me to wear that new shirt I bought for him."

"Let me guess... it's pale green, too."

"You'll love it, I promise."

She did my hair and make up. I looked really good in the mirror, but that color... the dress was uncomfortable and didn't fit me right. It was a bit tight around my chest and it squeezed me whenever I took a deep breath.

Charlie wasn't any better. He looked really uncomfortable in that new shirt- and he looked awful in that color, too. He tried to smile at me reassuringly, but I could tell that he was as suspicious as I was. He'd never been to the Cullen's before and he was tense and I was growing annoyed with Alice for making his first visit so unpleasant.

The ride to the Cullen's mansion was silent, although Alice tried to chat with us. Charlie, being the cop that he was, stayed mostly silent. I was sure he was trying to figure out what was going on.

When we got out of her bright yellow Porsche, Esme greeted us with a big hug, and I introduced Charlie to the others. Everyone was dressed too elegantly for a simple lunch. They all looked like they'd stepped off of a high fashion runway.

Carlisle kissed my cheek in greeting and looked curiously at my dress. Rose shook Charlie's hand and threw some pleasantries at him. I didn't see Jasper but I was fine with that. One less distraction... nevertheless, I couldn't help secretly looking around, hoping to see a glimpse of his golden hair.

Edward approached me and gently kissed my hand. I mentally rolled my eyes, because his every move seemed so calculated.

He guided Charlie and I into the house, his hand leisurely rested on the small of my back. I glanced at Charlie and I saw that he was overwhelmed with the luxury of the Cullen home. I remembered my first visit here. I was beyond stunned as well. It was surprising that I'd become so easily accustomed to everything.

Esme led us to the big, unused dining room.

The walls were painted in light olive tones and were decorated in an ethereal French style. Refined Venetian crystal mirrors graced the walls, an expensive bottle of champagne was being chilled, the silverware looked like it cost more than my college education... and my

God- _original _Victorian china.

I looked at Edward gaping. We knew that they were disgustingly rich but it was incredibly rude for them to throw it in our faces. The two of us stood there awkwardly, staring at the bottle of wine that Charlie had brought as a gift... it now looked really cheap sitting on the Cullen's polished ebony drawer.

My first instinct was to go home. But Esme had already instructed us to seat ourselves, so we did.

"Mr. Swan, I'm so glad that we could finally meet outside of the hospital." Carlisle smiled at Charlie.

When I looked at Charlie questioningly, he shrugged.

"We have already met at the hospital, when we came with the families to identify some victims."

_Victims? _"What victims?"

The whole family tensed. Charlie didn't seem to notice it.

"Oh, you know. Those hikers who were attacked in the woods by some animal last year."

I looked at them, and they looked back to me with their well-practiced, impassive stares. Edward cleared his throat and I knew that I'd been left out of the loop. Again.

Esme finally broke the silence.

"Should we start?" she asked politely. Carlisle stood up, and with an elegant twist, popped the champagne bottle open. He poured the sparkling liquid into our glasses. "It's a Ruinart Blanc de Blancs," he informed us and we all lifted our glasses. "I'm honored to say a toast to our beautiful Bella. You saved my son and you bring happiness to our family."

I glanced at the others and they were wearing their smiles like masks. I grinned inwardly awaiting the moment when they'd have to drink with us.

"I'd also like to thank to Mr. Swan for accepting our invitation today."

"Thanks," said Charlie embarrassed. He wasn't used to attention like this.

We clinked our glasses and I was stunned to witness all of them drink their champagne. I looked at Edward questioningly, but he slightly shook his head. It was too small a move for Charlie to recognize it, but I was already accustomed to their delicate movements.

I saw Esme beaming at us. Surely it was a rare occasion for her to show how good a hostess she was. I realized then that this was the reason she'd went all out today.

"I made your favorite today, Bella." I didn't know if it was a show for Charlie or if she was serious. So, I stayed quiet and just nodded at her with a smile.

Charlie and Carlisle were already engaged in small talk about fishing and Emmett joined them. Rosalie and Alice were talking about some trip to Paris.

I allowed myself to feel a bit of relief. It was going to be a good lunch after all. Esme excused herself to the kitchen and Charlie was so engaged in the conversation with Emmett and Carlisle that he didn't notice when she came back with the food.

Esme placed a large covered bowl in front of us. I looked at Edward again, and he smiled reassuringly.

When she uncovered the bowl, the steam of the hot meal shot onto our faces. I couldn't figure out what it was and I started to tense again.

I let her fill our plates and when I looked into mine, I tried to guess what it was. There were onion rings, or something similar, in some kind of hot sauce. I lifted my fork and took a mouthful of the meal to my lips.

It was then that I smelled it. Cuttle fish. The only kind of fish I wasn't able to eat.

Never.

I looked at Alice who was still engaged in conversation with Rose, who already looked bored, and I caught her glancing at me.

I was dumbfounded.

Then it clicked. The dress. The embarrassing dining room. The cuttlefish. It had to be _her _who did this. My stomach started to ache.

My fork hit the plate with a loud clink and I hastily stood up.

Edward looked at me stunned, and when his gaze averted to Alice, his

nostrils flared with anger. He clenched his fist into tight balls and I saw that he needed all of his control not to attack her.

Charlie was already eating and looked at me with surprise. I felt nauseous.

"I-I have to go to the bathroom..." I stuttered and didn't wait for an answer before running to the bathroom connected to Edward's room. I barely

reached the toilet before throwing up.

My mind raced with possibilities. Maybe Jasper was wrong. Maybe Alice was able to see past the

treaty line and she knew everything. My decisions, my future plans,

everything. The bile was rising again.

I didn't know how long I sat there on the tiled floor of the bathroom, but I was miserable.

Someone opened a door and I hurriedly flushed the toilet. I didn't need witnesses.

There was a soft knock on the door, and much to my surprise, Rose walked in.

"Are you okay?" She looked at me, watching my features.

I nodded weakly.

She turned to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a toothbrush and toothpaste. Rose placed them on the sink and before leaving, she pulled her Blackberry out from her pocket. She quickly typed something and then held the display in front of me.

'_Don't decide.'_

She left without a word. I brushed my teeth and looked in the mirror. My make-up was smudged. With a sigh, I cleaned my face with some tissue.

I left the bathroom, but I wasn't ready to face them. I went to a glass wall and looked out to the woods, thinking about how disastrous the day had turned out.

As I stared out of the window, the sun peaked through the clouds and I caught a glimpse of something sparkling in the woods.

Someone was watching me. Someone who _sparkled _in the sunlight.

A cold shiver ran down my spine and I suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to be close to Edward. When I opened the door, he was there and I was immediately in his arms.

"Do you feel better?" he asked me gently. I just nodded into his chest. "I ordered you a pizza. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what she was up to," he whispered into my hair.

When we joined the others, a sullen Esme approached me and whispered her apologies with trembling voice.

Alice stayed close, but Edward wouldn't let her near me. I was thankful. I spent my time talking with Rosalie and I found that she was very interesting. I'd never really talked to her before.

The pizza was good and my full stomach washed away some of the embarrassing memories from earlier.

Charlie went out with Carlisle to the porch, where he lit a cigarette while they were engaged in deep conversation.

"Bella." I looked at Esme who was smiling shakily. "I brought you dessert, but I'm not sure you'll like it. It's chocolate and raspberry flavored ice cream."

I smiled reassuringly at her.

"I would love some, Esme."

When dad and Carlisle returned, there was some tension in the air, but not between them. Suddenly, Edward stood up and everyone went silent.

"I'd originally planned to do this sooner, Bella." he started and his gaze flashed towards Alice who shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "But allow me to do this right now." He smiled sheepishly.

This wasn't going to end well for me. My stomach clenched.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box. I was horrified as he sank on one knee and deftly cracked the box open.

I was afraid to look down, so I kept my eyes locked on his.

"Isabella Marie Swan, would do me the immense honor, and make me the happiest man alive, by agreeing to be my wife and my mate for eternity?" Charlie gasped and I paled. My vision blurred and I was afraid that I'd throw up again.

"I..." I looked around pleadingly, searching for help. Carlisle, Esme, and Alice were beaming with happiness. Emmett was smirking. Rose looked at me sharply. Her eyes were speaking to me and then I remembered.

_Don't decide._

I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry Edward, but I... can't decide right now."

He looked dejected, but still remained graceful. Edward closed the box, that held the ring I refused to look at, and reached for my hand. He then placed the box on my palm, so gently that I nearly regretted that I refused to give a straight answer.

"I'm a patient man, Bella. I leave it up to you. If you decide to say yes, just put on this ring and I'll be the happiest man on the planet." He had to always have the right response, always had to be no less than perfect.

The uncomfortable silence was broken when Carlisle and Esme stood to show Charlie the library, where they had a few books on fishing in former centuries.

"They'll offer him a drink, too." Edward murmured next to me.

When they left, I turned to him.

"The champagne... will you need to throw it up?" I asked curiously.

"Little sis," started Emmett with a grin. "There are a lot of things you don't know about us."

"Yeah, I'm starting to realize." I smiled at him and I noticed that Alice had disappeared. Good. She was the last person I wanted to see right now.

"It's an odd thing, one that even Carlisle has no answer to. We can drink alcohol and even become inebriated from it, but we require much more to drink than humans for that to happen." Edward answered my question.

Strange.

"Good to know, I guess."

Edward took me for a walk through the yard behind the house and I felt like a heroine from an Austen novel.

As the day went by, and the lunch was long forgotten, I yawned discreetly while sitting at the small pond while watching the goldfish. Edward immediately jumped to his feet and went for Charlie.

Finally at home, I took a quick shower and drifted to sleep in Edward's arms.

As soon as I woke up in the late afternoon, I knew what I had to do. I took a deep breath and turned to Edward.

"I want to go to the beach."

"Bella, it's nearly five o' clock..."

"Please, Edward, let me go..." I looked at him pleadingly and wrapped my arms around him.

"Bella, if it's about my proposal..."

"Yes, it is." I lifted my chin and looked straight in his eyes. "I'm not going to lie to you, Edward. Right now, I don't feel it's right to say yes to your proposal. I'm honored, but you have to understand that I'm not the marriage type and I need time to think."

He lowered his head, until he touched my lips, and I sighed at the contact. The kiss was

nice, but it didn't even come close to the feeling from the previous day when Jasper kissed my wrist. This kiss was lukewarm in comparison, and Jasper hadn't even kissed my lips.

At that thought my breath hitched, and lust washed over me. Edward obviously thought it was in reaction to him and pulled away from me.

"You know we-"

"Don't tell me that we can't go any further, Edward. I know. It's okay."

His eyes danced with amusement. "You're okay with it?"

"Yes."

He tried to compose himself and I stood up to change into jeans and a v-neck white T-shirt that showed a lot of cleavage. When I stripped off my sweats, I heard a shaky gasp and I realized my mistake. Even though we shared most of our time together, I always used the bathroom to change my clothes. He'd never seen me undress.

I looked at him and I grinned inwardly, when I saw him gulp dryly, eyeing my thighs and my bottom covered with black boy short panties.

"You'd better start to get used to it," I told him nonchalantly. "You just proposed to me and if I'm going to say yes, there's no way I'm going to dress in the bathroom."

He just sat there and gaped at me. I mentally gaped at myself too, because I'd never been so outspoken with him.

"Okay, I'll drive you to the beach," Edward acquiesced.

"Nice try, but I'd like to go with Em."

"You don't trust me?" He asked, sounding a bit hurt.

I walked to him, and stood between his legs. He buried his face into my chest and held me tight.

"Edward, I know that if you go, you'll be able to hear the thoughts of the wolves and involuntarily listen to what I'm doing. I really need to think about your proposal, _alone_."

Edward sighed and tried to hide his sadness as he dialed Emmett's number. I felt bad for him.

When Emmett was outside, I kissed him goodbye, entertained by his still slightly shocked expression and told him that it was possible that I'd spend the night at Emily's cabin on the beach. Sam offered to let me stay whenever I wanted, since Emily was pregnant and didn't use it anymore. They were willing to do anything to keep me away from the Cullens.

I threw my black hoodie into my bag and went to the kitchen to make some sandwiches. I told Charlie that I was going to the beach while I took a bottle of water from the fridge. He was visibly brighter after hearing that. Poor Charlie. He still held out hope that I'd choose Jake.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning," I promised, before stepping out of the house.

Emmett managed to make me laugh at his stupid jokes until we reached the treaty line. I noticed that he carefully avoided mentioning the attacked hikers in the woods.

I crossed the line, and after a few yards, I was suddenly enveloped in a mouth-watering scent.

_Chocolate._

I looked up at him, his lopsided grin stopped my heart, only to start it racing a moment later when he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against his hard body.

I clenched my thighs together to try and hide what he did to me, but I knew it was useless. He looked down at me, winked and smiled wider. He knew.

Jasper dipped his head until his lips lightly brushed against my ear. I closed my eyes and melted into him as he whispered, "Do you want to go to a _real _party?"

**What do you think about this Victorian style dinner? Does Alice know what's going on between our birdies? And what about Edward? How do you feel about him?**

**Reviews are welcomed!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Special thanks to my twilife lover, ****vszoke ****and ****frlarson**** for pre-reading this chapter.**

**Also, I'm in love with ****tiffaninichole****, for being an amazing beta. I love how much you are able to see my soul! You know why.**

**I own nothing but a hubby and an adorable son. **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 05

_"Pale with the secret war of feeling,  
Sustained with courage, mute, yet high;  
The wounds at which she bled, revealing  
Only by altered cheek and eye;_

_She bore in silence-but when passion  
Surged in her soul with ceaseless foam,  
The storm at last brought desolation,  
And drove her exiled from her home._

_And silent still, she straight assembled  
The wrecks of strength her soul retained;  
For though the wasted body trembled,  
The unconquered mind, to quail, disdained._

_(...)_

_They named him mad, and laid his bones  
Where holier ashes lie;  
Yet doubt not that his spirit groans  
In hell's eternity._

_But, lo! night, closing o'er the earth,  
Infects our thoughts with gloom;  
Come, let us strive to rally mirth  
Where glows a clear and tranquil hearth  
In some more cheerful room."_

_(Charlotte Bronte: Mementos)_

BPOV

"Do you want to go to a real party?"

With his arms around me, it was really hard to form any coherent thought because his roaming hands weren't so innocent. I felt him palming my neck, pulling me closer, until he barely touched his lips to my skin. I closed my eyes, awaiting sensation of feeling him on me.

In all of my life, I had never felt so wanted as I did in that moment. His other hand was slowly making its way under the hem of my shirt and I quietly gasped when his cold fingers made contact with my heated skin.

Apparently he couldn't keep his hands still because his fingers began tracing intricate patterns on the small of my back, sending shivers down my spine and electric pulses straight to my center.

I enjoyed his greedy, yet gentle touches and in that moment, I would have gladly let him caress more of me. It was easy to melt into his touches, to return his caresses as my own hands made their way up his chest. I breathed in deeply when his golden locks fell into my face, greedily taking in his sweet scent, yearning for more and more of him.

The calming rush of the ocean waves were disrupted only with the sounds of my ragged breathing. I would have been embarrassed, but in that moment, nothing else mattered but him. This was so new, so forbidden, so _intoxicating_.

He knew what he was doing to me, he felt my arousal just as sure as I felt his body against mine. His body. His _hard_ body... straining through his jeans.

I concentrated on his emotions, which were as out of control as I felt. He was definitely feeling lust, but I was shocked to find that his strongest emotion was one of smug arrogance.

I shouldn't have been, but I was hurt. Just for a moment, I let believe myself that this man really wanted me. I let myself believe that he wasn't out to try and gain something from me. But obviously, I was once again fooled.

I immediately turned my pain into determination.

_Two could play that game._

With a deep sigh, my hands roamed his body until I heard _him _gasp. My fingers touched the cold skin under his shirt and with tentative movements, I slowly lowered them to the waistband of his jeans, sweeping my fingers back and forth.

My other hand gently rubbed his chest, and a huge sense of satisfaction ripped through me as a sharp hiss left his lips when I slightly grazed his nipple. I had never touched a man like that before and I felt like finally letting go and doing what I'd always wanted to do.

Playing with his body was sure to become my favorite game.

I focused on him, ignoring my embarrassment at this new boldness I was exhibiting. His breath tickled my skin, but it only heightened the pleasure I felt because I was still aroused beyond anything I'd ever experienced.

But it wasn't enough. For some reason, he was playing with me... coaxing me into coming here, acting as if we were actually more to each other than what our sad reality allowed us...

_He used me._

My hand left his waistband and and with slight hesitation, I brushed his hair away from his face, loving the silky sensation it sent through my fingers. My brain shouted at me as I watched my lips slowly approach the delectable skin right below his ear. When Edward had accidentally brushed against that area on me, it felt incredible and I hoped that it would have the same effect on the amazing bastard in front of me.

My lips moved leisurely over him and his skin was pulsing with life under my kisses. I was drunk with the emotions that he awakened in me, letting just the tip of my tongue peak out to touch him, _taste _him. I wanted to lick him everywhere.

His calm breathing abruptly changed, the smile melting from his lips as his hands roughly gripped me, lips attacking my neck with an unexpected fervor.

He licked his way to my collarbone and in painfully slow motion, moved back up to tease my jawline.

Staying coherent was a struggle. Staying angry at him was impossible.

His arms slid down and cupped my cheeks, pushing my body against his hardness while my fingers stayed entangled in his golden locks.

"Please..." I heavily breathed into his ear, not knowing exactly what it was that I was asking for.

He gently sucked on my earlobe, making me feel giddy and I felt a curious palm sliding along my ribcage, dangerously close to the swell of my breast. His fingers were so... _skilled_. With every caress, with every circle his fingers made on my skin, my determination weakened a bit.

I pulled away from him for a second to take in his gorgeous features, because damn, the sight was _hot_. He watched me with lidded, darkening eyes, his kissable lips were parted a bit as heavy breaths spilled from them.

_One little kiss wouldn't harm anyone... right?_

I wanted feel his lips on mine, feel that closeness I'd never shared with anyone else.

His eyes said things that dared not be be spoken aloud and I was sure that my eyes mirrored his passion. My palm rested on his marble chest and it was beyond erotic to feel the smooth texture of his skin against my palm.

_It would be so easy to give in..._

He slowly bent down, his gaze focused on my lips as I licked them in anticipation. He was so close, just mere inches were parting us at that moment and I was sure that all of his cockiness had dissipated. I felt his sweet breath on my lips and my body felt like it would explode with lust.

His lips touched my own and I closed my eyes, reveling at the feel of him... and in the next moment he was ten feet away from me, landing on his ass.

"What the hell was that?" He yelled while rising to his feet. His confused expression was hilarious and I burst out laughing, but decided not to push my luck when he narrowed his eyes at me.

"What?" I asked smugly, more than a little proud of myself. "Payback is a bitch, isn't it, asshole?"

He looked at me incredulously and was immediately in front of me again.

"It was you? You threw me like that?"

I grinned widely and nodded.

"You told me yesterday that I was able to keep you away from me," I shrugged, turning my back to him. "I just wanted to practice a little."

A slight panic flashed through me when he forced me back around by my shoulder, but that was quickly overpowered by my rage.

After the day I had, how _dare_ he man-handle me!

I looked into his angry eyes and suddenly became very lethargic, as if all of the energy had evaporated from my body.

"Why?" He hissed, shaking my shoulders. I cringed. "We were good together..."

I placed my palm against his chest again.

"Want to fly again, Jazzy?" I asked in sweet voice, using the awful nickname of Alice's for him. He blinked in surprise.

"But how...?"

I shrugged and moved out of his hold.

"I don't know. I just focused on every emotion that I felt today and suddenly, you were airborne." I said with a hint of arrogance, not willing to admit that I was just as surprised as he was.

_It really worked._

I was able to push him away with only my emotions.

_How did I not know this before?_

I stared at my magical hand with curiosity.

"But... why did you throw me away?" He looked hurt and I almost felt bad for him.

_Almost_.

"Ask your wife. Don't play games with me." My anger was back and in full force.

"What are you talking about?" He asked with wide eyes.

He was just like the others.

I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Bella..." He lifted his hand.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled at him, uncontrollable anger ripping through me. "All of you are using me for your twisted games!"

He looked defeated, his hand falling to his side. He couldn't even deny my accusation.

I turned away from him and started my walk back to the treaty line, trembling with anger... and unfulfilled lust.

The cliff I'd once jumped from was close and I wanted to jump again. Maybe death was the solution to all of this madness.

He was by my side again.

"Bella, please talk to me," he begged. I didn't acknowledge him. "Tell me what happened."

I stopped again and looked back at him.

"You want to know what happened? Your wife was acting as if she _knows _something. _That's _what happened. She did everything she could to humiliate and damn near _kill_ me and no one stopped her. And the icing on the cake was Edward's proposal." My voice broke at that statement and I couldn't hold back anymore.

I looked into his golden eyes, and my vision blurred. Everything was almost too much to digest.

I wanted to be a strong woman, but the brutal truth was that I was only a naïve girl who hadn't the slightest clue about how the real world worked.

I crossed the treaty line, welcoming the false comfort of freedom that it brought.

My tears began flowing freely, loud sobs shaking my entire body.

Jasper looked worried and took a step toward me.

"No!" I shouted, wildly waving my arm to shoo him away.

I tried to compose myself but the built up tension was winning the battle. I wrapped my arms around myself and fell to my knees.

"Bella, please let me help you." He whispered those words again and again and I wondered why he hadn't touched me yet. "Let me come to you, please..."

A bit of the tension lifted and I heard Jasper sigh in relief before feeling a soft touch on my hair. His familiar scent enveloped me. Bittersweet, soothing, warming.

Strong arms pulled me into a tight embrace and I wanted to stay there, willing to forget about the rest of the world.

"It'll be okay, I promise, little _brownie_." I let him calm me, not needing his ability. His presence was enough. I snuggled closer to him, my cheek resting against his chest.

My arms snuck around his waist, pulling him closer to me. At that moment, I didn't care that he was like the others. I didn't care that he would betray me, just like everyone else. I spread my fingers on his muscled back and heard him take in a deep breath.

My mind, my soul, needed its peace. And if that was going to happen by being in the arms of a bloodthirsty vampire, then let it be. Nothing was normal anymore anyway. He was here. He was _real_. His body under my palms, my chest against his, his arms around me, this was the place where everything felt real. We were surrounded by the last rays of sun and the sound of the ocean. The peace of our surroundings and his presence slowly calmed my shattered nerves.

When I was calm enough, he gently lifted my chin to look in his eyes. I expected a mischievous glint and harsh words but there was only endless understanding and the wisdom of a man who'd already seen too much in his time.

His eyes were dark, but far from intimidating. The concern in his gaze was overwhelming. I wanted to shut my eyes and look at him forever at the same time.

_What was happening to me?_

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I slowly shook my head. "There's nothing to talk about." I whispered in a broken voice. "I'm just a weak human... nothing else. A _pet._"

Anger ripped through me and I knew that it wasn't mine. He lightly shook me and his expression was intimidating.

"Don't _ever_ say those things again," he hissed. "Maybe you were weak two days ago, but no one has _ever_ defeated me before. Something is changing in you, Bella. You're stronger than you think." He pulled me to his chest and spoke softly. "In my entire existence, no one, not even the almighty Alice, has ever overpowered me. I don't want you doubting yourself... we are _equal_."

**Thanks for reading. Your reviews are adrenaline bombs for me!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I own nothing. The characters belong to the amazing SM, but this story is mine. **

**Lover of my life, ****vszoke **** thank you for the pre-reading this for me.**

**Mynxi ****and ****Tiffaninichole,**** I'm beyond thankful to you for betaing this chapter for me.**

**I love all of your reviews, you made me smile!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 06**

I listened to him murmur with his palm on the side of my neck, his fingers playing in my hair. I closed my eyes, letting my face rest against his chest, feeling his calm penetrate me.

I was sad that I couldn't hear his heart beating.

Although it was difficult, I removed myself from his embrace after a few minutes had passed. He stood up and held his hand out to me, helping me stand up. As our hands connected, something changed between us.

I couldn't place what it was, but something was definitely there- that strange, electric feeling.

Jasper didn't attempt to release my hand and I was unsurprisingly okay with that. I needed him close to me. I needed _someone _to take care of _me. _I entwined my fingers with his, wanting to feel closer to him and my tears started to pool once again.

"No more self-pity," he ordered in a calm voice, gently stroking my palm with his thumb. He looked at me hesitantly before deciding to speak. "Let's get wasted."

"What? Here?"

"No. We're going to Seattle. You already told everyone that you're staying here for the night, anyway."

"But Alice will know as soon as we cross the treaty line."

"Her visions aren't blocked by this place, Bella. All we have to do is bring a friend of yours with us."

I was thankful that he hadn't referred to the wolves with his usual degrading names. I also loved that he didn't see them as a threat to us.

"But who? When they're in wolf form, they're connected in their thoughts. What one knows, all of them know."

"That's why we are taking Emily with us," his lopsided grin made my heart skip a beat.

I was truly confused at that point. How did he think we could pull _that one _off?

"She's pregnant. With _Sam's _baby," Jasper stated and it finally occurred to me.

The baby was able to block Alice, just like the other wolves.

"And what about Sam?"

"He watches the treaty line all night long." When my eyes widened with curiosity, he continued. "Someone is trying to break through the line, dancing back and forth. The wolves are afraid to leave for even a minute. Emily is safer with us than staying home alone."

"You really _are _a good strategist." I was stunned. "So what's your strategy with me?"

"You'll find out soon enough." He winked at me and cold shiver ran down my spine.

xxx

Emily was already waiting for us on the porch of Sam's house. She was only in her first trimester and judging by her tiny frame, no one would guess that she was actually expecting a baby. When we approached, she greeted us with a shy smile and watched Jasper warily, but when her gaze dropped to our joined hands, that smile faded.

He nodded at her, not really paying attention to her attitude, but I was a bit disappointed when he released my hand.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence between us.

"To the treaty line. I parked my SUV not far from there."

While walking, I talked with Emily about the baby and a few other things, carefully avoiding questions that I suspected wouldn't be answered.

When we reached the car, Jasper tried to help Emily step up into the back seat, but she shakily refused his help. The southern gentleman in him accepted her refusal with grace, but as he walked to the driver's side, a strong wave of hurt rolled off of him. I wondered if Emily felt it... if she did, she ignored it and continued her climb into the back seat.

Jasper hesitantly offered his stretched hand to me and I took it with a smile. His reserved expression immediately changed and the hurt disappeared. I hoped that he'd felt me in that moment because I tried to send him as much support as I could. His relief washed over me like a gulp of fresh air.

We drove in uncomfortable silence and I was feeling on edge. Every second I wanted to tell Jasper to turn around, so we could go back. But any time I was determined to speak, he let out a whispered "No."

It probably looked funny to Emily when Jasper randomly said "no" from time to time, because he was the only one speaking out loud. I was sure that she purposely ignored us. I handed her my iPod and she became even more distant for the rest of the ride as she listened to my music.

I tried to entertain myself with the view, but it was already dark outside and I could see only his features mirrored in the window of the vehicle. I closed my eyes and was transported to the beach, in his arms, his lips and arms everywhere... and in my fantasizing, I was much braver- I let him kiss me.

I opened my eyes abruptly when I heard his soft chuckle.

"That had to be a really nice dream," he winked at me and my heart skipped a beat. He should patent that wink of his, because damn, it worked. But then I reminded myself that he was very well aware of his power over women, so I straightened my spine and without sparing him a glance, I answered.

"Yes, it was." I was proud of myself when I sensed his surprise, no longer willing to give him the pleasure of embarrassing me.

"How long did I sleep?"

He glanced at the clock on the dash board.

"Two and a half hours. We'll be there soon."

While trying to compose my thoughts, a question was circling in my thoughts.

"Ask me," he said without taking his eyes off of the road.

"When I cried on the beach earlier, why'd you ask me to let you help me?"

"You did it again. You stopped me."

"Wow." He nodded in agreement. "And why didn't you calm me down?"

"I wanted to at first. But then I realized that this might have been the first time that you were truly yourself."

"Crying like a toddler was being myself?" I asked in disbelief.

"You weren't controlling yourself. That was the first time that I've seen you act freely. No hiding. No pretending. Just your tears and you. It was a sight to behold." His expression was dreamy.

"You're a jerk. What kind of people like to see other's suffering?"

"And what kind of people don't allow you to act freely? I don't remember you behaving like this in Edward's presence, am I right?"

He was right and he knew it. Edward always wanted to control everything in my life. He even tried to control my memories by taking away every single piece of physical evidence of our relationship when he left me.

Things weren't better when he returned.

"What should I do?" I felt the tears pricking my eyes before I could stop them.

"Be yourself," he said flatly. "Fight back, just like we all do. Fight for yourself."

"That's what you do all the time, right?"

He looked confused for a moment.

"I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about you acting like a coward, whining about Edward and Alice and whoever comes into your view. You're acting just as bad your beloved Edward, sinking into your emo shit."

I was mortified by the truth in his words. "You despise him, yet you act just like him."

"But it _hurts_," I sobbed. "All I feel is constant pain."

"Don't expect anyone to stand up for you. Our world is not about weakness." He glanced at me and my sobs halted in my chest. "Sometimes after the pain, comes the biggest pleasure."

Pleasure. Again a ridiculous idea hit my mind, which involved his blazing eyes, plump lips, strong hands, and skilled fingers. And all of those parts of him touching my body. Of course I was blushing and when I glanced at him, I saw that the corner of his lips twitched slightly.

We approached the city in silence. I used the time to check myself in the small mirror that was in my bag. My eyes were a little puffy and red, but it wasn't so bad. I cleaned my face with the wet wipes I always carried and attempted to comb my hair with my fingers. But when I caught his amused smile out of the corner of my eye, I shut the compact with a loud 'click'. I leaned back into the seat and tried to ignore him.

It was difficult and I felt utterly embarrassed by what had happened on the beach. I let him touch me and responded to his touches like a cat in heat. What did he think of me? Surely, he thought that I was easy?

Great.

Instead of my self-conscious thoughts, I focused on the lights of the city which were slowly coming into view.

Seattle was so different from the quiet town of Forks and sometimes, when I really missed Phoenix, I felt at home in this city, though I'd never lived here.

Jasper parked his SUV behind a small bar with yellow and purple flowers in pots on the windows and next to the door. It was a cute place with wooden walls and a tiled red roof... I immediately loved it. Before he could say anything, Emily was out of the car, scurrying away.

"Emily!" I called after her, jumping out of the SUV. "Wait! Where are you going?"

She stopped and let me catch her. I tried to reach out to her, but she winced and looked away.

"Emily, what's wrong? Are you feeling sick? Is it the baby?" I asked, concerned.

"I…" she stuttered, visibly paling. "I'm okay. I just need some time... away."

"But where are you going to go?"

"Right there," she nodded towards a two story building. "My sister lives there. I'll wait with her until you finish."

I tried to figure out what was going on. Clearly, she wasn't here willingly.

"Why did you come?"

"If it wasn't for the treaty..." She halted in her speech, looking scared.

I looked over my shoulder and saw Jasper slowly approaching us.

"Look, he's not-" I started, but then I realized that Emily was already halfway down the block.

The scent of chocolate enveloped me as Jasper neared. His calming presence was exactly what I needed.

"Once you're changed, it will always be like this," he whispered quietly and I shivered at the emptiness of his tone. "It's in their nature to fear and hate us, and since she's pregnant, her senses are working double time."

I turned to him to see his golden eyes were full of compassion.

"But if she hates us so much, why did she agree to come?" When he didn't answer, I continued. "She said something about an agreement between you and the wolves."

"Oh, I just promised them to keep you away from Edward... and maybe convince you to stay with me for the rest of eternity."

'_Stay with me for the rest of eternity.'_

He'd done it before, quoting Edward to hint at something. I couldn't figure out why he did this. Anyway, it was a nice distraction. He gave nothing away but still made me think about things.

We walked to the small bar, with a neon "Embry's" above the door.

Before we could enter the bar, a taxi pulled up on the curb and Emmett jumped out with a huge grin on his face. He turned around to help Rose out from the back seat.

I gaped at them and looked back to Jasper questioningly.

He grinned.

"Em made me promise that if I managed to get here you here, he had to come too."

"Yeah, 'cause I wanna get tipsy with my little sis." Emmett finished, tugging me under his shoulder. Rose was smiling too and something told me that it wasn't their first stop at a bar tonight. We turned back to the door when Jasper cleared his throat.

"I'm gonna have a cig," he said flatly. At that point, nothing surprised me. If they could drink, it obviously wouldn't hurt them to smoke.

"Okay," I scrunched my brow. What was _his_ problem? "We'll wait for you inside."

XXXX

JPOV

I watched them enter the bar while Rose looked back at me and nodded slightly with a knowing look in her eyes.

Our little Bella hadn't even noticed that the yellow taxi was still in the same spot.

As soon as the door clicked behind them, I turned back to the cab.

"Major."

"I'm thankful that you made your way here, Eleazar." I greeted the man stepping out from the car.

His flaming red hair matched the crimson eyes that were hidden behind his sunglasses.

He always wore an article of clothing made from a quilt with the colors of his clan- the clan he'd come from when he was human centuries ago.

We were pretty lucky to have him on our side.

He stepped closer to me.

"You called me. So, I assume that you need my help. You know that I want to destroy that bitch Maria as bad as you do for almost killing my mate."

I loved how he always got straight to the point.

"Yes, I need your help. The human girl." I lit my cigarette and watched as Bella took a booth in the corner of the bar. I could clearly remember her fresh scent hitting my senses when that long auburn hair of hers waved as she moved. "What do you think?"

"Ah, she smells delicious," he smirked and a sudden wave of jealousy rolled over me. "Although, this dog stench over here," he continued, wrinkling his nose. "Is really irritating."

I shrugged. There was nothing I could do about it.

"That stench guarantees that others of our kind won't feel the urge to visit this place."

"Is this a dog territory, too?"

I nodded and pointed at the title above the door with my cig.

He went to the window of the bar and looked inside. For a few minutes he was silent as he focused on Bella. He then closed his eyes in concentration.

"What do you want to know?"

I looked back at her.

_What did I want to know?_

Maybe we could start with that weird pull I felt when I was near her. When did that start? When I attacked her, or sooner?

Or should I ask him about why she felt so safe in my arms and why my bloodlust was suddenly gone in her presence?

And what about that buzz in my chest that almost felt like I actually had a heart beat?

When did it all begin between us and what did that mean for my future? For _our_ future?

So many questions regarding a simple girl who had yet to experience life. A simple girl who could be holding my future in her tiny hands.

She laughed at Emmett's poor jokes, her eyes twinkling with happiness. When she leaned back against the headrest, the veins in her neck called to me and begged me to taste them. Her skin would surely pebble at the touch of my teeth.

Eleazar cleared his throat next to me and I unwillingly tore my eyes from her, even if it was only for a second.

"Everything." I studied the low cleavage of the simple t-shirt that showed the swell of her round breasts and I was positive that she wasn't so well endowed a year ago. Her nipples were taunting and I knew they would taste delectably sweet. I wondered how Edward was able to keep his hands off of her because I knew that I could get lost for days between those breasts.

She blushed and glanced towards the place where we were standing at the window and although I was sure that she couldn't see us, she still blushed like she knew what I was thinking.

I suddenly couldn't stand to be away from her for a second longer. I wanted to be the cause of her blushing, to be close to her and feel the heat radiating from her face. I threw away my cig and opened the door.

"Enough talking. She needs to hear whatever you have to say." When those words escaped my lips I realized that I hadn't talked with Eleazar at all until that moment. I was confused. It just wasn't me, acting so impulsively, forgetting everything else around me.

When we approached the table, Bella looked at us with an amused expression and I felt that she was slightly tipsy.

"Bella, this is Eleazar, a friend of mine." Her eyes took his presence in, then she stood up, and shook his hand like she was at a business meeting. He was dumbfounded by her straightforward behavior. I wasn't in hurry to tell her that on occasions when Eleazar touched a human, it was probably the last touch that human felt in their life.

Emmett waved to the waiter and when he approached our table, he was utterly uncomfortable and oozing an awful dog stench that made us growl under our breaths. I sat next to Bella because I was overwhelmed with the urge to protect her from… well, from _everything_. Eleazar sat in the corner and we were facing Rose and Emmett.

The waiter, a boy in his very early twenties with bronze skin and a long, black ponytail, was relieved when he left our drinks on the table and could get a safe distance away from us.

I looked around in the dim light and saw that no one was paying any attention to us. Some rock was playing on a radio, but the gazes of most of them were glued to the TV screen above the bar as they watched a Mariners game.

It was a simple Sunday evening, and yet, it was oddly different. Something began changing in me.

I was well aware of her presence, of her scent... the warmth radiating from her, inviting me to feel her... to _taste _her.

I was amused by the fact that she was still a virgin, yet she held so much passion within. Every second I spent in her presence heightened the sexual tension between us.

Edward must have lived in pure hell being with her every day and night.

Edward.

Oh, shit.

She was _Edward's_ human.

What the hell was I doing?

I'd been so caught up in everything Bella, that I'd neglected to think of anything else.

Could I betray his trust?

Could I live with myself if I tore the Cullen family to the ground?

Bella placed her hand on my knee and looked up at me, her beautiful eyes shining with concern. "You okay?"

For once, I didn't know the answer.

***smiling devilishly***

**I hope you'll have a very nice Christmas. I probably won't update till New Year, because I will be really busy through the holidays.**

**I'm thankful for your every single word (press the little blue button below, please…), but be gentle with me… **


	7. Chapter 7

**You know I don't own SM. However, the plot is mine.**

**The chapter is pre-read by ****vszoke,**** my eternal kitten. **

**A huge thanks to ****mynxi**** doing the hard job of betaing this for me and being a very good friend to me.**

**My very special hugs, love and a bottle of the best champagne goes to ****tiffaninichole**** who is simply the best. **

**Since some of you asked about Alice's motivations and intentions, I decided to write this chapter – which originally wasn****'t my plan.**

Alice POV

I was in my room... well _technically_, it was _our _room, Jasper's and mine. He'd begged me to move into the cabin for years, but I always refused. It was too far from here, from _anywhere_. Even for us, it took more than an hour to run to the beach where the cabin was.

He never admitted it, but he needed me in his life. He needed someone to tell him what he needed. I helped him find his place in this world and I was there for him each of the eight times he'd slipped.

Of course I'd seen each incident beforehand, but I never stopped it from happening. He had to learn to control his impulses and learn that there would be consequences for his mistakes. I didn't want to be stuck coddling and rescuing him for the rest of our immortal lives together.

Edward had learned from his mistakes and Jasper would as well. He just needed a little more time.

But then Bella came into our lives.

Everything was fine until I caught a glimpse of the future that put me on edge.

It was extremely hard for me to hide what I knew from her and the family, especially when they all turned against me, not understanding my actions towards her.

And then one day, one disastrous day, Jasper, my Jazzy, attacked her. And I was the only one who knew the real reason behind it. Hiding it from everyone was killing me.

"Alice!" A voice full of anger ripped me out from my memories.

I jumped to my feet and waited until the door to my room opened a moment later.

I didn't remember much of anything from my human life, but thanks to the incident with Bella and James, I actually found out that I had a sister who was now a grandmother. She would pass away soon, I'd seen it a few days ago. I wanted to talk with Jazzy about it, about the soon-to-be loss of the person who would remember me. After she passed, the last memories of my being a part of this world would be forgotten forever.

But he was never around. It was as if he didn't care what I went through. He was always deep in his thoughts and I was always confused, because he never decided anything. He was calm... calmer now than I'd ever seen him.

Every time I tried to talk to him, Jasper would avoid me. But Edward heard my thoughts and was there for me. He was always a good brother.

I constantly needed to hide my thoughts and visions from him, from _everyone_ and I felt horrible about it. Edward had always done so much for me and I repaid him by being deceitful.

Even when I had the chance, I didn't help him.

"Edward, what can I do for you?" I asked politely.

His rage was palpable around the room.

"Don't act as if you don't know why I'm here." He was murderous. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" I asked innocently, widening my eyes for effect.

He grabbed the closest thing to him, the first photo Jasper and I had taken together, and threw it across the room. The stained glass frame burst into a thousand pieces of colored crystals as it hit the opposite wall.

"Don't play these trivial games with me, Alice!" he shouted. "You know what you did and I'm only going to ask once more: Why did you do it?"

"Edward, please, calm down." I begged, slightly shaken because I saw the possible outcomes of this fight and not one of them ended well for me. My mind worked a thousand miles per second, until his cold voice stopped me.

"What about telling the truth?" he mocked me. "You think that I don't know about the trickery you pull to keep Jasper with you!"

I was beyond embarrassed. "What do you want to hear, Edward?"

"Just the truth." He looked tired and he sat down on my bed which hadn't been used for, well, for a while. "What's going on? I feel like I'm blindfolded in a labyrinth."

I was at his side in a wink and put my arms around him in an attempt to soothe him, but he pulled away and glared at me.

"Alice, I want the truth."

I huffed and sat next to him on the bed.

"I really don't know. From the first day she appeared in our lives, everything is... changing." I furrowed my brow.

"Changing? How?" He asked, confused.

"The future. Ours and hers. One minute everything was okay. But when you left and we went to save you…." He looked ashamed. "Everything keeps changing."

"What did you see?" He asked with fear in his voice.

I decided to tell him the truth.

"I saw disaster if she said yes to your proposal."

He looked like he was about to be sick.

"Disaster as in... death?"

I nodded.

"How?" His shoulders slumped forward as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"You marry her and she dies after giving birth to your child."

After the words left my mouth, Edward sat motionless, staring blankly into space.

I tried to be patient and sit with him, but when the sun began to set, I called his name and shook him.

It was fruitless.

I'd heard about it before, but always thought it was a myth. An urban legend among our kind.

Edward was in shock.

When a vampire entered a state of shock, it was possible that they could stay stuck in that frozen state for days or even weeks.

I began to panic and decided to go get help from Carlisle.

As I entered the library, Beethoven was playing over the speakers. Carlisle and Esme were on a loveseat, wrapped around each other and reading their books next to the crackling fireplace.

I could practically feel their annoyance surround me when I walked into the library and Carlisle lowered his book into his lap, looking expectantly at me.

"What can I do for you, Alice?"

"I need your help, Carlisle. It's Edward. I think he's in shock."

Both of them were out from the room in a wink and I followed quickly. But Edward was nowhere to be found.

Carlisle stood motionless for a second before turning his back to me.

"I really think that it's time you start being honest with us, _daughter._"

I cringed. Him addressing me as daughter instead of my given name spelled trouble. It had only happened a handful of times over the years and the consequences were always dreaded.

"I... I saw something," I stuttered.

"Don't attempt to mislead me. We know that you see things, but none of us know whether what you tell us is the truth. So tell me, daughter, what did you see?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off. "I warn you, Alice, if you deceive us again, you will no longer be welcome in this home."

"But Carlisle-" I looked at him pleadingly.

"What you did today is inexcusable. You hurt Bella with no real cause."

"She was always your friend," Esme added. "You knew how special I wanted to make today for Bella and her father, and you ruined everything."

"You knew that Edward was to propose." Carlisle was growing more angry with each second. "So, please excuse me for my curiosity, but seeing as you humiliated my wife and our entire family, I think we deserve an explanation."

I was mortified. Every word they spoke was true. How could I explain what was going on with me? I'd lived with my lies for years now. It was too late to make things clear.

"I knew that I had to ruin the day. I saw the outcome of the proposal." He lifted his brow expectantly, encouraging me to go on. "I saw it, Carlisle. She was going to die if she said yes, by giving birth to his child."

His expression was eerily similar to Edward's. Frozen, stoic.

"Didn't you tell us that the future is always changing with our every decision?" Esme asked coldly. "Instead of stroking your ego and playing God, you should have come to us and informed us on what was going on. We could have worked together to figure out a solution!"

"There... there's more." I said, ashamed. "I'm jealous of her."

"What?" They looked dumbfounded.

"You're all so taken with Bella! Bella this and Bella that, all anyone cares or talks about anymore is Bella! And it's gotten worse since Volterra. It seems as though everyone has forgotten that I _helped _her save Edward in Italy!"

"Alice, you're delusional." Carlisle looked exasperated. "Edward only went to Volterra because of one of _your _visions. It was your fault that he went there in the first place."

Always the voice of reason, of course Carlisle was right. I was ashamed and could think of nothing redeeming to say.

After a long moment of silence, Carlisle relented.

"Okay, we'll give you one more chance. _One chance,_ Alice, and if you wrong the family again, you will no longer be a part of it."

"Thank you, Carlisle. I'll change, I promise."

"We now need to wait until Edward returns. Esme and I will be in the library if we're needed." With that, their hands entwined as they disappeared up the staircase.

I couldn't help but smile with relief.

CPOV

I closed the door to the library, and hugged Esme tightly, my hand brushing the hair away from her neck, my lips finding her earlobe.

"She's lying," I whispered.

"Yes, I know." she sighed.

I kissed her lips gently, feeling her love for me.

"Let me show you how much you mean to me, beloved." I whispered, slowly pushing her back until our bodies found the sofa.

I was very thankful for our private library.

And I was even more thankful to Jasper for reminding me not to make decisions in Alice's presence.

EPOV

I left the house immediately after Alice went to find Carlisle. I rushed through the woods, not really knowing where I was headed, quickly catching and draining a deer on my way.

My mind was blank, the one sentence that turned my life upside down, now playing in a constant loop.

"_She dies after giving birth to your child."_

_She dies..._

I needed to talk with her immediately. And afterwards, I'd speak with Carlisle to go through the risks of having relations with a human. Apparently, I was going to have sex with her, even though the thought of it made me nauseous.

I _did_ want her, though.

I wasn't blind. Her body had called to me since the first time I'd laid eyes on her. I was addicted to her warmth, the way she pressed her curves against mybody while she slept, the feel of her lips, the touch of her skin on mine.

But something stopped me. Whenever I decided to take things a step further during our intimate moments, I felt like I was hitting a brick wall. I just wasn't able to do it. The problem wasn't physical. My body was more than ready and willing. But it felt like I couldn't find the last missing piece of the puzzle. I couldn't see the whole picture.

I knew that Alice was hiding something from me. She'd been hiding it since the first day we'd met Bella. I saw how she forced herself into a friendship with Bella and I was confused about it.

I took my cell out of my jeans, and dialed Jacob's number. He answered after the third ring.

"Where's Bella?" I asked.

"Well, evening to you too, leech," he answered sarcastically.

"Just... let me speak with her." I sighed heavily. "She went to First Beach."

He was silent for a moment.

"Jacob? Are you still there?"

"Yeah, it's just that I'm patrolling with the others tonight. She isn't here."

"She _has_ tobe there!" I shouted into the speaker.

"Don't raise your voice at me, _bloodsucker_!" he hissed. "I told you she's not here. Maybe you should keep a better eye on your _mate_."

He hung up in my face and it took all of my control not to crush the tiny phone in my hand.

_Where was she? _

I went to her house, but her window was dark and Charlie was asleep in his bedroom. He obviously wasn't expecting her home tonight.

I hopped into her room, looking for signs of an intrusion or a struggle, but it looked the same as always. Books and pieces of clothing were haphazardly thrown on her bed and on her nightstand was the opened box of truffles I'd bought her yesterday.

A basket of clothes was lying sideways on the floor and by the smell of them, they'd been washed the day before.

And she _still_ hadn't put them away.

I suppressed a sigh and began neatly folding her clothes, becoming supremely embarrassed when I had to put her unmentionables away, though I was proud that I was able to stay calm through the process.

Not knowing where else to look, I decided to stay in her room until she made her safe return.

When I was done with the laundry, I put her books on their shelves, except for one, _Madame Bovary by Flaubert. _The book was opened next to her pillow on the bed, so I assumed it was the latest book she'd started reading.

I sat in her rocking chair looking at the now almost clean room, growing melancholy that I couldn't use the vacuum cleaner. I held the book in my hand, lost in my memories. I remembered the exaggerated reaction to this book from the first years after my change. It was published in the 19th century, but almost fifty years later it was still taboo to speak openly about cheating and suicide.

Why was Bella reading a book like this? Such a sweet and innocent girl shouldn't expose herself to such tawdry and scandalous themes.

I looked around the room, taking in the vast differences from just a few short months ago. She'd changed. And I wasn't sure that I knew the woman she was becoming.

Although she asked me not to, I dialed her number to demand an explanation. She owed me at least that. We were to be wed and I needed to know her whereabouts at all times.

She didn't answer.

Which was no surprise, since the device was ringing from its hiding place under her pillow.

What was going on?

**Sooo, what do you think? **


	8. Chapter 8

**Discl: SM owns all. But this plot is mine.**

**I want to thank to my twilife lover **_**vszoke**_** for pre-reading this chapter for me.**

_**Mynxi**_** and **_**tiffaninichole**_**, you are simply wonderful. I'm always amazed how much effort are you willing to put in this story, while betaing it for me.**

**Enjoy! **

Chapter 07

BPOV

A variety of strange emotions ripped through me each second. Jasper was standing outside of the bar, but it was like he was sitting next to me. I could feel his presence all around me; his scent surrounded me and that didn't help the situation.

I tried to listen to Emmett's jokes, but all I wanted was to be close to Jasper again.

I downed the first two shots that were brought to us by the waiter, trying to better my mood. I figured the waiter was someone from the rez, since he and the vampires were shooting death glares back and forth.

"Oh, come on, cut him some slack!" Rose and Em exchanged puzzled looks and I laughed.

"What?... How?" asked Emmett slightly shocked. I threw my head back and laughed. Watching a vampire stumble for words was a rare and funny thing.

"Don't worry. I'm not invading your brain like Edward," I tried to control my giggling. "But I'm pretty good at reading your behavior."

I was amused by their relief.

Rose and Emmett were drinking double shots and I wondered why they hadn't ordered a full bottle instead of making the poor guy, who felt severely uncomfortable serving us, return every five minutes. When I asked Emmett that very question, he winked at me... but his wink didn't affect me like Jasper's.

"He wants to watch that Mariners game, and he curses us whenever we send him back to the bar." He smirked. "He doesn't know why, but he hates us."

"So instead of killing him, we decided to have a little fun." Rose finished his sentence with a wide grin. I noticed that Rose was lowering her walls around me and I liked it.

I envied Rose and Emmett for the harmony in their relationship. Edward and I had never been so in synch. It was always about control and being controlled. We never finished each other's sentences or did something just for the fun of it. Everything was always about him, his world, his secrets. And then there was me, the simple human, who looked at him in awe, my intense feelings for him were always an open book. He used to be my religion- I worshipped everything about him. Last year he fascinated me. But now… it was a completely different story.

I looked around the bar and immediately loved the place. It was crowded, but not packed. Most of the people were watching the big screen, others sipped their drinks, and puffed on their cigarettes

_Smoking..._

Jasper said he was staying outside to smoke... but smoking was allowed inside the bar.

I continued my conversations, drank and told jokes, but I now had the feeling that something was being hidden from me.

The entrance to the bar ripped open and a red-headed man entered, followed by a disheveled looking Jasper. His haunted eyes immediately found mine, and I felt his relief wash over me. I was already tipsy, since the only time I had consumed alcohol was when I snuck it out of Charlie's fridge. I think he had his suspicions, but he never mentioned it.

When Jasper finally took his place beside me, it felt… right.

As I was introduced to this new person, I tried to hide my emotions, standing up to shake his hand.

Jaws hit the floor and Jasper became so tense that I was afraid he would snap at any second.

What was going on? They were definitely hiding something.

"You okay?" I asked him with concern, placing my hand on his knee.

He watched me and swallowed dryly, looking as if he wanted to tell me something. I encouraged him to speak while rubbing circles on his thigh with my thumb, but his hand palmed mine and stopped me.

I looked at him questioningly, silently asking what was going on. He grinned, grabbed my hand and slid our joined hands further up his thigh, right to his…oh, my…to his crotch.

Which was rock hard in that moment.

Did I do that to him?

I turned ten shades of red and he smiled even wider. I had never touched a man like that before.

"I'm sorry," I whispered embarrassed, as I looked down at the table. He gently lifted my chin with his fingers and his smoldering eyes told me not to be.

"Earth to Bella!" Emmett's laugh tore us out of our little world.

I pulled my palm from his lap, but he entwined his fingers with mine under the table. I was thankful that he let our hands rest on his leg, a safe distance from... _other _areas of his body.

Emmett waved at the waiter and I saw the boy's disgust again as he approached our table. Emmett ordered another round of tequila as well as some bourbon for Jasper. The stranger, Eleazar, declined a drink.

When the boy left, Eleazar leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table. He slowly reached for his sunglasses, and took them off, looking straight into my eyes. He looked a little surprised by my lack of reaction to his crimson eyes. Jasper tried to send me calming waves, but I didn't want them. I was strong enough to face this man.

Though it wasn't easy because I was fighting constantly the panic that wanted to control my body. He was dangerous and my body wanted me to run away as fast as I could.

"Interesting," he stated with an amused tone. Emmett and Rose were tense and ready to react if Eleazar tried anything sneaky. "Human, do you know why am I here?"

I shook my head. Maybe I was brave with three vampires protecting me, but I still couldn't trust my voice.

"Bella," started Jasper requiring my attention and I turned to him. "I called Eleazar because there's something we need to know. He can identify the gifts of other vampires and in special cases, human's gifts as well."

"But... I have no special gift..." I halted when Jasper squeezed my hand. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Why do we need to do this?"

"Well, when a human gets involved with a vampire, I'm usually the one they call." Eleazar continued. "I can tell if the human will have a special gift and if it's worth being changed or not."

"Is this protocol?" I gaped at him.

He nodded.

I looked down at my lap. Edward didn't want me to change- he'd never even mentioned Eleazar's name before.

"Are you ready to continue?" Jasper asked silently, and I nodded hesitantly. I looked back at Eleazar, encouraging him to go on.

"So, do you suspect you have any special gifts?"

"I know that Edward and Aro can't read my thoughts." He nodded. "I'm also immune to Jane."

"Is that all?" He didn't look impressed. Maybe that wasn't the first time he'd heard of me.

"She's able to stop me," Jasper chimed in.

Eleazar's eyes averted to Jasper and then slowly wandered back to me. I felt uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze.

"Explain." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"I..." I cleared my throat. "Jasper wanted to come after me but I did something, and he wasn't able to move." It was hard to say in front of other people because it sounded surreal even to my own ears. However, Eleazar didn't seem to question the truth of my words. "And when my emotions lightened up, he was able to move again. I don't know how to explain it any better."

He nodded silently. "Can you stop any other of our kind?" he asked with curiosity.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "It only started yesterday."

"Hmm... interesting." I found it strange that he never blinked, just looked straight into my eyes, uncompromisingly. "Tell me what happened."

I blushed. I couldn't bring myself to say what happened between Jasper and I in front of the others.

"I wanted to touch her and she stopped me." Jasper stated simply.

"Did you manage to touch her?" I wanted to sink under the table. Yeah, he did touch me... in more intimate ways than my own boyfriend ever had. _If _he was even still my boyfriend.

"Yes, when she let me."

"When was the first time you touched the human?" I was getting slightly irritated by his usage of the word "human." He'd said the word as if it were a curse that left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Yesterday."

Eleazar closed his eyes for a moment and leaned back into his seat.

I couldn't take the silence anymore.

I took in an agitated breath. "You want to say that his touch evoked my new power?"

"Speak with respect, human." His death glare was meant to put me on my place. "You might have survived meeting the Volturi, but I assure you, your luck may end tonight."

_How did he know about Volterra?_

My look of confusion made him smirk.

"Gossip."

Jasper's anger spiked at Eleazar's condescending tone.

"Eleazar, I think it would be wise to tread very carefully while addressing Bella. If you choose not to heed my warning, I assure you, your luck _will_ end tonight. You will call her by her _name_ and you will apologize for your rudeness."

The red-eyed bowed his head and murmured a 'sorry' to Jasper and myself.

I was pretty surprised when he actually did it and I couldn't help but wonder what Jasper had done to garner such respect and fear among his kind.

I was thankful for his intervening and I instinctively leaned into him. Of course the amount of alcohol in my system helped too... and maybe his scent as well.

"I just cannot understand what evoked your new ability. I apologize for being so intrusive, but I must know what and how it happened."

Wow.

The man had changed before my eyes, transforming from an arrogant jerk to an obedient servant in the blink of an eye.

The Jasper sitting next to me was completely different from the quiet and submissive Jasper that the Cullens knew.

"It's okay," I assured him. "But I really don't know what made the difference."

Eleazar remained silent again for a couple of minutes, then started to speak again.

"Have you touched other vampires in the past?"

"Of course." I was confused. "I've touched all of the Cullens as well as Aro."

"And did you suspect any change then?"

"No."

"And yesterday Jasper touched you, right?" I blushed deeply. I didn't want to admit that since yesterday, we had doing nothing _but_ touching each other.

"Yes." He studied my face for a while and turned to Jasper.

"May I ask if your venom came in contact with her blood?"

"No!" We yelled at the same time, and from the corner of my eye I noticed a few patrons glancing at us. Emmett's eyes stayed glued on Jasper, a low growl coming from his lips.

"No," I spoke quietly and shivered at the memory of his tongue on me.

"May I see the place where his venom touched?"

"Jasper, I swear, if you did something to her..." Rose whisper-yelled, but Jasper calmed her down in a wink.

I looked at him and he nodded approvingly, so I put my hand on the table and showed my wrist. All of them bowed their heads over my stretched hand and studied my skin with the accuracy of a group of world-renowned surgeons.

Everyone looked up, wide eyes full of accusation. I looked to Jasper who sported the look of a guilty man.

"Somewhere else?"

I closed my eyes and remembered his lips traveling from my ears to my lips... my neck.

_God, what have I gotten myself into?_

His anxiety shifted again.

"Eleazar, you saw it already." Jasper saved me.

"Saw what?" I asked puzzled.

"I must have scratched your skin with my teeth." He pointed to my hand and I looked closer. At first I saw nothing, but he gently brushed his thumb across my skin and there it was... a barely recognizable thin line, not even an inch in length. It was almost silver, just as the other scar that James had given me.

"It's bullshit," I said with disbelief. They looked at me like I'd grown another head. "James' _and_ Edward's venom has been in my body and nothing happened. _Nothing_. Now you expect me to believe that Jasper scratches my skin and I gain super-powers?"

"Exactly." Eleazar shrugged elegantly. "Sometimes it happens this way."

"Anyone care to tell me, what the hell's going on?" Emmett asked, narrowing his eyes at me. "First you throw Edward out of your bedroom," Jasper's body tensed next to me. "Then Alice's bitching at your engagement party." I flinched at his words. "And now _this_?"

I felt braver then normal thanks to the amount of alcohol pulsing in my veins.

"What are you suggesting here, Emmett?" I lifted my chin. "What do you know about me? Since you've all been back, none of you have taken the time to ask about _anything_ going on in my life. You don't know a shit about me!"

"Bells, I love you," he whispered sadly. "I just want to protect you."

I reached over the table and touched his hand. I saw only truth in his eyes and calmed down immediately.

"Love you too, but please, don't judge me. You don't know what's going on. I'm not the same girl anymore. I make my own decisions and if I choose wrong, it will be still _my _life and _my _mistakes. Don't act like you know what's best for me, because you don't."

Jasper rubbed my palm gently with his thumb and it was enough to calm me down.

I turned back to Eleazar.

"So, what's the verdict?" I attempted to smile at him. He never returned it.

"I think that you are something like a shield. Or, if I want to be more correct, you are _strength_."

"Like muscles, or what? Because I'm not strong at all," I babbled.

"No. Your power is exquisite. You can protect someone _and _strengthen the ability of the other."

"Wow." I was truly taken aback. "How?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know how anyone's gift works. I just see the gifts of the people."

It then dawned on me that although Jasper's venom wasn't enough to change me, it _did_ trigger something powerful from within me.

The music was suddenly distant... _everything _became distant. My pulse was pounding loudly in my ears, and I felt dizzy. It was just too much to digest.

My mind just shut down and I felt like swimming into the darkness.

JPOV

She looked so shy, so pale through the whole conversation. At first, I thought that she was scared of Eleazar, but I was surprised how brave she was when she defended her decisions to Emmett.

I felt the urge to hold her, to feel her body against mine. To whisper in her ear that everything will be okay.

Then I sensed her disbelief and inner struggle while on the surface she tried to remain collected, speaking to Eleazar. I tried to help her, and I needed the information from Eleazar.

I should have known that I pushed her too far.

She suddenly closed her eyes and shut the world out. Her head was resting on the plush wall behind her. She didn't faint, though.

Pain ripped through my chest when I felt her becoming distant. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. I wanted to beg everyone to help her. There was no emotion coming from her and it was something unbearable for me.

I looked around and I saw that everyone's gazes were glued to the screen, so I took the opportunity, and with inhuman speed I rushed to the bar for a bottle of water which was put there by the waiter. His back was turned to me, so he hadn't realized that I was there. By the time he turned back and wanted to bring the bottle to an awaiting man in the distant corner of the bar, I was sitting next to Bella.

Rosalie opened the bottle and placed it right in front of her.

I gently stroked her pale face, whispering silly words into her ear, while constantly projecting joy and happiness towards her. Rose tried to help, but I just growled at her with a death glare, and turned back to Bella. When I felt her stir, I gently lifted her chin with my thumb. My fingers were buried in her hair, and with my other hand I held her securely around her waist. Her head rested on my shoulder. Although she was still out, I was insanely happy to feel her emotions, when she started to come back to me.

When her lashes fluttered I couldn't resist and leaned forward to gently kiss both of her eyes. I was already addicted to the feel of her skin on my lips. I couldn't believe that it was actually our second day together. It seemed like forever, feeling her presence everywhere around me.

She finally opened her eyes and looked into mine. My forehead touched hers and my hair fell on my face. She reached out and touched my curls lovingly.

"Don't do ever that to me again, please?" I whispered into her parted lips.

Yep, we were _that _close.

She smiled at me.

"I promise."

Eleazar cleared his throat and ripped us out from our little world.

"I have to go. I need to catch the plane back to Alaska."

"Alaska, man?" Emmett grinned at him, but he watched us from the corner of his eye. "I've heard that the Denali girls are making it pretty hot there!"

"Sure." Eleazar was already on his feet. He looked at me expectantly, but I didn't want Bella to let go.

"I'll be fine." she whispered feeling my struggle, and hopped onto her feet too. "I need to go to the ladies' room, anyway."

Rosalie was hot on her heels, so I could walk out with Eleazar.

When we were finally outside, I lit my cig. I knew that I could smoke inside too, but since Bella didn't smoke I felt it was rude to blow the smoke into her face.

"I forgot to ask... what's with the red eyes? Last time I checked, you were on a diet."

He shrugged.

"Business. The royalty likes to know that we are on the same page with our eating habits."

"So you work for them."

"Do you question my loyalty towards you?"

"I don't think that you forgive anyone who has attacked your Carmen." I shook my head. "I'm just wondering. How does it work with them?"

"They started to watch your coven." Mine? It was the Cullen's.

"Do you know why?"

"Everyone knows that Carlisle has the most powerful ones of our kind in his coven. He's a potential threat to them."

"Have you heard about that bitch?"

"You mean, Maria?"

I nodded.

"No. Her friend, that pain-slut is the only one who knows where Maria is, but it's pretty painful to talk to her," he grimaced.

I turned back to the window and watched Bella taking her place in the booth.

"Is Bella the one I'm looking for?"

He shook his head hesitantly. "She certainly has the potential to become the one you're looking for, but her power is blocked by something… or someone."

"How?"

"I don't know. She is in some sort cocoon and needs to break out of it to gain her full power." He watched me curiously. "Where did you say you met her?"

"I didn't." I narrowed my eyes. He should know that I'd give nothing away.

"Is she yours?" Mine? I was dumbfounded. _Mine. _She was mine… I slightly shivered and waved the idea away.

"Why?"

"I see that part of her gift is connected to yours." He was lost in his thoughts for a while. "I thought that she was…" He shook his head. "You should ask Peter. He's your minion, right?"

"He's my _brother_," I corrected him in a clipped tone.

"His wife may be able to help you with some issues."

Charlotte? Why would I need her help?

"No, Bella is with my brother. A Cullen."

"Ah, the mind-reader's mate." He assumed and I cringed.

He began watching Bella and his eyes blackened when she laughed, her breasts jiggling with every move.

If she were mine, he would no longer have eyes in his head.

"When you are with her, don't you feel something…strange?"

"What do you mean?" I nearly choked on my cigarette.

"Aren't your emotions stronger? Are you able to influence her?" Stronger? Christ, I never felt more alive than when she first touched me. And the taste of her skin on my lips… and earlier today, when she let me hold her, her body pressed to mine, hot and inviting. Her small hot palm started caressing my body and I needed to inhale deeply to take control over my overwhelming emotions. She felt like something I had lost long ago. The way she touched me, so intimate, so good…so arousing. The venom began pooling in my mouth.

"I can influence her only when she allows me to." I was becoming impatient. "Look, why don't you skip past this twenty questions shit and tell me what's going on?"

"Her main gift has the potential of becoming a shield and something akin to levitation. The furniture wouldn't start to dance in her presence, but…" He shrugged, letting the end of her sentence hang in the air. "Her particular ability is working only with you. She can feel everything you feel, whether you want her to or not. It seems that her power is shaky now, very fresh and new."

"Could her power have been awakened by any other vampire?"

"Your brother has been with her for how long? And she's never shown any hints of this power."

"I think it was _you_ who activated that power of hers when you first touched her."

It was an understatement to say that I was taken aback by his words.

"Is that everything?"

He shook his head.

"No. She can overpower your ability, make it stronger and more effective. Shortly stated, she is your strength, as I said before. Except for one small detail...it seems that she is your personal strength. Her particular power works only with you."

"Do I need to turn her?" The thought of sinking my teeth deep into her soft skin and tasting her sweet, warm blood pulsing on my tongue swirled in my brain. I was suddenly painfully hard.

"It would certainly help, but waiting for her to stabilize would be time wasted. Time that we don't have."

"What should I do?" I'd do anything to destroy Maria.

"The Major needs an advice?" He smirked and didn't realized that he was close to crossing a thin line.

"Should I tell her the truth?"

"It's on you. But if you want my advice, I say you should make her yours." He smirked and I still didn't get it. He continued, "Don't you feel a pull towards her? You can't take your eyes off of her and watch her every move. You share a mutual attraction, so I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult for you to…"

What is he implying?

And then it occurred me.

He wanted me to have sex with Bella?

He couldn't finish that sentence because he was on his knees in pain. When I felt his fear, I leaned closer to him.

"Don't make the mistake of forgetting your place, _guardian._ I can make you suffer just as your dear Jane. I saved you and your mate from Maria. I saved your _coven_. Don't make me regret my decision," I said calmly, although an unknown rage ripping through my body.

A few second later he was able to stand and he smirked weakly at me.

"You dare smirk at me?" The guy had balls.

"Yes, Major. I think we finally found the one," he managed to choke out, and his words stopped me in my tracks. I let him go and he stumbled to regain his balance.

"You told me that she wasn't the one." I shook my head in disbelief.

"I said that because right now, her mind and soul, she's useless to us. She's _blocked_. And it seems that somehow, you're the key to her power. She won't extend her power without you." I was so stunned that I let him go.

"But why should I _fuck _her?" The word left a bitter taste on my tongue. "Was that a joke?"

"I would never disrespect you in that way, Major." He bowed his head in submission and I felt that he spoke the truth. "I just meant…it seems that you are already heading down that road. You're connected to her. Maybe she is your ma-"

"Don't say the word, Eleazar. I really don't need the distraction now."

I stepped back to the window watching her stand up. Emmett was already standing next to the pool-room with his beer in his big hand grinning at her with full force. She turned her back to the window and my breath hitched when I saw her ass. Round, firm, perfect.

My palm twitched with the need to feel her against me. I closed my eyes briefly, really needing advice.

"And what about Edward?" I asked more to myself than Eleazar.

"After we've destroyed Maria, she can return to him."

"You don't make sense. First you say that I should fuck her and then you say that she should go back with Edward."

"I was thinking that maybe if she learns to trust you completely and you merge with her in every possible way, she'll become stronger and more confident and thus, more useful to us. She's only a human, after all." He shrugged.

His nonchalance didn't surprise me. Most vampires felt that humans were useless and dispensable, only good for one thing: our sustenance.

"Major, if you don't need anything else…" he cleared his throat.

"You may go." I was disgusted with the whole situation. I looked in his eyes. "You won't speak about this. You know the rules. Forget this place and our talk." I commanded and sent a mixture of emotions to him, confusing his mind. The effect of the confusion was that he wouldn't remember what we had talked about.

I wasn't as good as Zafrina with creating illusions, but she'd taught me that little trick and it was enough to erase the main points of our talk.

If anyone decided to dig into his brain, they would find a phone call from an unimportant person who wanted to talk about unimportant things.

While he stood there with unfocused eyes, I waved to a taxi idling nearby. I helped him to climb into the vehicle, and gave the driver a few hundred bucks to get Eleazar safely to the airport. By the time he arrived, he wouldn't even remember which city he had been in.

It was safer for both of us that way.

My mind was preoccupied with all of this new information and for the first time since we left Maria, I was doubting myself.

I glanced through the window and saw that sweet girl. So innocent, so pure. It was all a game up until now and Eleazar's words had left me confused. What if she didn't survive? Could I sacrifice her for our plan?

Maria changed me and dragged me through hell in an attempt to make me a monster and I'd done more than my share of inhuman things. But I would never take an innocent's soul. That was sacred.

I wasn't sure if exacting revenge on Maria was worth Bella's soul.

_No. we've come too far._

There was no going back.

Too much depended on this one little sacrifice.

The decision was made.

She wouldn't be alive much longer, but I'd do everything in my power to make Bella's last mortal days as unforgettable as possible. She deserved at _least _that.

**If you liked it, please, review. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Discl.: The usual. **

**I'd like to thank ****vszoke**** and ****nissa-cullen**** for pre-reading this chapter for me.**

**Special thanks goes to amazing ****mynxi ****and to wonderful ****tiffaninichole, **** for working their beta-magic on this chapter. **

**About this chapter: Enjoy!**

**Songs for this chapter: **

**George Michael - Praying for time**

**Seal - Crazy**

Chapter 09

„It's hard to love there's so much to hate  
Hanging on to hope when there is no hope to speak of  
And the wounded skies above say it's much too late  
So maybe we should all be praying for time."

- George Michael: Praying for time -

BPOV

Jasper. I tried to focus on something else, but every second, my thoughts turned back to him. While in the lady's room, Rosalie waited patiently while I took care of my human needs and I was thankful that I could hide from her on the other side of the door, even if it was only for a moment. I needed to think about everything, but this wasn't the right time or place.

I slowly washed my hands, trying to avoid her silent stare. Somehow I felt that she was accusing me. I didn't blame her for it- I _felt _guilty. I shouldn't have let Jasper touch me, I shouldn't have come anywhere near his lips. On top of all of the pretending I was doing, I now had to hide my wrist from Edward as well.

Rose narrowed her eyes at me in the mirror while she was standing next to me.

"What?" I asked, losing my patience.

"I just don't understand you." She shrugged and turned away.

"You really think you know everything, don't you?"

Her posture stiffened.

"I know more than you think." She leaned against the sink, voice quiet. "I once thought that I was in love. I understand what you're going through right now."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused.

"I…" She looked uncertain which surprised me. Rosalie was always so self-assured. "Bella, I had to _die_ to realize that it wasn't love that I felt. After awakening to this life, I realized that I'd wasted my human life on a man who had raped me and left me to die."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because… I'm afraid that you'll choose wrong. I saw your eyes when Emmett accused you of cheating." She paused for a second, lost in her thoughts. "He's a good man, but he was raised with certain values… and I love him for it." She closed her eyes before she continued. "What I want to say is… you have one life. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't deserve it."

I was stunned. She was never so honest with me. The whole Cullen family always sugar-coated the truth and I was sick of that syrupy sweetness of theirs.

One last look in the mirror and I was ready to go. I had to get away from such an awkward situation. She was judging me and she was right. I shouldn't have taken things so far with Jasper.

With my hand on the knob, I turned to her. "So you think Jasper is the wrong choice?"

"No." She smiled sadly. "I was talking about Edward."

Those simple words made my head spin as we walked back out to the booth.

"Where's Jasper? " I tried to act casual, but felt a pain in my chest at his absence when I sat down.

"Still outside." Emmett didn't even try to be cordial with me. When Rose sat next to him, he tried to pull himself away from her touch, but she grabbed his hand firmly, looking sharply in his eyes. They had that weird silent conversation again, and I felt relieved when Emmett finally shrugged and looked away in defeat.

"I'm going to find him." I stood up.

"Bella!" I heard a familiar voice from the bar and turned around. A strong wave of lust washed over me and I wanted to choke Jasper for his lack of control over his emotions. It was really hard to act normal while dealing with both of our feelings.

I searched for the source of the voice and saw Mike Newton waving at me. He was sitting in a booth with some friends that I didn't recognize from school. Apparently he'd made new friends since we graduated.

The Mariners won and the bar came to life as Mike left his seat to approach me.

I looked back at Rose but she just turned away. I was confused but didn't dwell on it because Mike was pulling me into a tight hug.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, scanning the crowd with his eyes, but he didn't recognize anyone. I turned back and saw that our booth was empty.

_Did they leave me alone?_

"I didn't know you came here!" He had to shout due to the loud cheering and music, throwing an arm around my shoulder. He led me to his table, they all eyed me curiously.

"Guys, this is Bella Swan. The girl who broke my heart senior year." He grinned widely, and I didn't know what to say.

The hollering laughter of his friends calmed me. They thought it was a joke, so I went with it.

My head was spinning a little since so much was going on, but I was thankful that I met Mike tonight. I almost felt normal in his presence. He was a really great guy and I momentarily wondered why I hadn't just fallen in love with him. My life would have been so much easier. My family would be happy. And most importantly, I wouldn't have to deal with things like supernatural powers and animal drinking vampires.

Every began dancing around us and Mike's friends joined in, looking like a hoard of crazy epileptics. When Mike asked me to dance, I disappeared in the crowd, looking for Rose and Emmett.

I found them sitting at our table, as if they had never moved.

"Why didn't you come after me?"

Rose winked at me.

"Bella, you have the best luck in the world. If Edward starts prying, which he will, Mike will be your alibi."

"I don't want to lie to him." I hung my head. God, what had I gotten myself into? "I'm going to find Jasper."

I couldn't bear to be away from him any more. Stepping outside, I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

There he was, leaning against a brick wall with a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. I knew that I was lost.

He looked perfect.

The wind played in his hair, blowing away the smoke he exhaled. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths and I wondered what had him so upset. Eleazar was nowhere to seen, so I assumed that he must've already left.

What did he tell Jasper? I looked back at the closed door, thinking about Emmett. Maybe his anger wasn't directed at me. With their supernatural hearing, maybe he heard something unpleasant.

The sadness rolled from him into me, over me, making me sink deeper and deeper… until I felt that I would never be able to smile again.

The feeling was so devastating that it felt like he pinned me to the ground with the sadness he projected towards me. Dejection… loss… helplessness… sorrow… I felt those damn tears again, and I had no power to swallow them back. No one should have to feel so lonely.

I looked into his eyes, but he continued ignoring me. We both knew that he was aware of my presence.

I opened myself to his emotions. Those decades of killing and being alone. I didn't know how he survived it. The emptiness was overwhelming.

I couldn't take it any more. I let the surroundings flow back into my soul and my ears started hearing music playing in the bar. It was the old song "Crazy" by Seal. I felt my mouth twitch. Yeah, crazy… the irony wasn't lost on me.

I struggled with the darkness, searching for something positive, anything good… and there it was, him holding me on the beach.

I knew that it'd be easy to turn around and just go back to the bar. I knew that he expected nothing less. He was used to leading his battles alone.

But I didn't want to leave him alone. I could do it.

I fought for what seemed like hours and when I was strong enough to smile, I felt that power to rise in me again.

Hope. That was what I needed.

I was still more that ten feet away from him, but I saw that his fingers were trembling slightly when he put the cig to his amazing lips. They were quivering with suppressed emotions.

Hope. I wanted him to feel it. I started to project it towards him and with my first attempt, they sprang back to me. It hurt. I felt that he was trying to shut me out, to hide behind the doors of his ignorance and I struggled to get there, to open those doors for him. For me. For _us._

I was emotionally exhausted and felt that my efforts weren't enough… he was rejecting me. I was sure that if anyone saw us, they'd think nothing of it. Just a girl at the door of a bar and a man smoking in the shadows. But inside, we were battling and I felt so weak. So... _nothing,_compared to him. I had nothing else to give him, just hope.

I felt my determination weaken and his depression tried to overwhelm me, to send me back, hurdling into its depths. I searched for something that could hold me there, his words coming back to me with full force: _Fight… just like we all_ _do…_

He still wouldn't look my way and I was losing the battle.

I was so close to giving up, so close to turning for that door. But I felt the gates opening and relief washed over me. He finally opened his eyes and turned his pained eyes toward me.

"So you think that you know all the answers?" He asked sarcastically. I didn't even blink, looking into his eyes and searching for his soul that I knew was hidden deep inside the darkness.

Wanting to touch him, to feel him under my palms, to be enveloped in his scent, my face covered with his golden locks… Oh, God help me… I should have been scared but I wanted him with all I had…

"No." I told him quietly. "I just want to dance. With you."

He threw the cigarette away and walked to me with heavy steps. Maybe I should have found him intimidating, but I was too happy to feel his palms on my face as he leaned closer, searching my eyes.

"You should stay away from me…" he whispered. When he saw that I wasn't going to change my mind, he sighed heavily, his forehead touching my temple. "You'll regret this. I don't want to-"

"Shhh…" I put my finger on his lip to silence him." Just enjoy this moment with me. Right here, right now."

Slowly he opened his eyes and I felt the darkness recessing and weaken in him.

He pulled me back inside with inhuman speed, dragging my to the middle of the dance floor that was filled with hot, writhing bodies.

His arms were around me and our breaths mingled while listening to the lyrics.

_A man decides after seventy years,  
That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door._

It was bliss, feeling him around me, his cold fingers gently digging into my hips. We moved in sync like he knew what I wanted, like my body knew where to move in order to never lose contact with his body. I'd never been so composed, my clumsiness long-forgotten.

_And through a fractal on a breaking wall,  
I see you my friend, and touch your face again. _

I looked into his eyes and couldn't help touching his hair. My fingers brushed a few strands from his face and stayed there, caressing his skin and feeling his sadness dissipate.

_Miracles will happen as we trip.  
_

The whole world was lost to me when he smiled. It was like trying to look in the sun. His face glowed and his eyes slowly took in my presence as he gently pulled my body closer to him.

We swayed to the music, our souls circling around each other, trying to give up the fight, trying to find a way to melt into one.

_But we're never gonna survive, unless... _

His fingers slid under the hem of my shirt and when he made contact with my skin, a loud hiss left his lips. I saw the struggle in his eyes… the rage replaced with fire… with passion… because of me. In a moment of craziness, he yanked me towards him, my breasts slamming into his chest and igniting a fire in my veins.

_We get a little crazy_  
_  
_And there was no more denying. No more dancing around each other… just his lips melting into mine… savoring and tasting the skin, the texture. Gently, slowly. My heart was beating in my chest and my eyes closed involuntarily at the contact.

_No we're never gonna survive, unless...  
We are a little... _

He was holding me so tightly that I would be worried if he was anyone else. But he wasn't, and I trusted him. There was nothing else in the world besides the two of us, just his lips on mine, moving with the music in my veins and his hands burying themselves in my hair.

_...Crazy_

I opened my mouth trying to breathe… he groaned into my lips and our tongues touched…

_Ohh, get it, get it, get it, get it…! _

I moaned when our tongues met and tasted… oh, my… so good, so sweet. Tears pricked my eyes. His strong fingers caressed my skin, wiping away the tears.

My hand left his hair, finding its way way under his shirt._ God, he was everything I wanted_. His chest rose and fell rapidly, all of my doubts washing away. He wanted me. He was hard… I was aching… my body was crying with need and he just kept kissing me.__

Then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe...  
Miracles will happen... 

I didn't know where we were anymore, and honestly, I didn't care. He lifted me, my legs encircling his hips and he carried me somewhere… until my back softly hit a wall and he resumed kissing me. Hungrily moving his lips to my lobe, my neck, back to my neglected lips. His thighs were between my legs, slowly approaching my center… circling and moving…

_But we're never gonna survive unless...  
_

He was grinding against me with growing intensity, blinded with passion… breathing heavily into my mouth.

Jasper…

_We get a little crazy._

I'd never felt so crazed. His movements became desperate and I felt something unravel inside of me… higher and higher... he was pushing me higher to the edge.

_No we're never gonna survive unless...  
We are a little...  
Crazy...  
No no, never survive, unless we get a little... bit...  
_

My fingers landed on the waistband of his jeans and I couldn't wait anymore. I had to touch him. Hastily unbuttoning his pants, I shoved a hand inside, greedy fingers touching the hard length that was covered in silky skin. Tightly wrapping my fingers around him, I began moving my hand and he exploded with a loud groan. The cold, sticky liquid hitting my exposed stomach. My breath hitched at the contact, his teeth dangerously close to my throat.

He was struggling… and he was winning the fight… oh, my… maybe I would be able to survive the love of a vampire…

_Oh, a little bit...  
Oh, a little bit..._

Oh...  
Oh...

And his movements became frantic against me until I wasn't able to form any thought. Nothing but him… Jasper. His body against mine, separated only by our clothes…__

Oh darlin'...  
In a sky full of people, only some want to fly,  
Isn't that crazy?  
In a world full of people, only some want to fly…  


His lips sucked on the sensitive skin of my neck, his fingers wrapped around my breast squeezing and brushing against the hard peak, gently rolling it between his fingers… his leg against my center…

_Isn't that crazy?  
In a world full of people, only some want to fly…_

Oh... how could he be so sensitive to my needs? Gentler… harder… I wanted to cry… scream. I felt him smile against my skin and that was all it took…

_And then you see things  
The size  
Of which you've never known before_

My body jerked against his, ecstasy taking reign over my body. His lips were there to silence my scream, his tongue gently and lazily massaging mine. Fingers on my breast matching the movements of his lips over mine… my heart was thumping, my head was spinning… I wanted to fly…__

Someday...

And when I slowly came down from that nirvana and opened my eyes, I saw nothing but his radiant smile… a genuine, careless smile reaching all the way to his eyes, glistening with… hope.

Together, we had given him hope.

**If you liked it, please, review. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Discl: I own nothing.**

**A huge thanks goes to my pre-reader ****vszoke****, who remains my eternal companion and the love of my twilife.**

**Special thanks to ****mynxi**** and ****tiffaninichole**** for their help, support and great beta-skills. **

**Song: Celine Dion: A New Day Has Come**

Chapter 10

_"__Tomorrow I'll think of some way . . . after all, tomorrow is another day." Scarlett O'Hara_

BPOV

Coming down from the pure bliss that we were in a moment ago, I felt a little awkward. I stood there with downcast eyes, prying my hands away from his body as he slowly lowered me down until my feet touched the ground. He gently lifted my chin and looked in my eyes.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Brownie," he whispered gently, and my heart wanted to jump out of my chest at the softness of his words and emotions.

I looked around to see that we were in a dark corner of the bar, where boxes full of liquor bottles hid us from the curious eyes of others. I was thankful for the privacy he'd given us. While I wasn't interested in where we were a few moments ago, I'd have been very disappointed if the most intimate moment of my life would have happened in front of other people.

I looked back at him and he flashed his crooked smile at me, which made a shiver run through me. His lust ignited again, whipping around me like a hurricane.

"Did you just call me, Brownie?" I asked, trying to change the subject with a gulp. Concern furrowed his brows.

"Did I? I didn't realize it. I'm sorry." His hold loosened on my waist, but I squeezed his arms, not wanting to lose the closeness of his body.

"Don't be." My palms slowly slid up on his chest, continuing along his jaw line lightly caressing the cool skin with my fingertips, joining them at the back of his neck. My thumb caressed his lobe when he bent his head to meet my lips again. He took my bottom lip between his teeth, gently tugging and sucking until I was moaning and seconds away from begging for more.

His plump lips then gently pressed to mine and a hiss left his lungs when I returned the playful bite. Our eyes locked in a heated gaze and I felt weak under the weight of so much passion. It was like standing in warm rain pouring over me, soaking me. He was so intense, so deep.

My eyes closed as our kiss deepened and I felt that he was holding back his lust, trying to remain collected. I knew that he could lose control again, but this time I completely understood that he didn't want to continue this in such a crowded place.

"You shouldn't do that..." I breathed into his mouth, feeling his lust come to life again at my words.

"What?" I sighed when he began kissing the corners of my mouth.

"That... _nibbly_ thing you do on my lips."

He smiled against my lips. "What, you mean this?" He nipped playfully at my bottom lip, licked it, bit it again and my head was spinning. He'd be the death of me. I was sure that I'd explode with pleasure at any moment.

"What if I gained another new super power? You'd have to call your friend again..." I trailed off, realizing that I was babbling. His eyes were full of mirth as he pressed his forehead to mine.

"You stopped me on the beach _before_ I scratched your skin. Remember that."

I think my jaw hit the floor. I had completely forgotten about that.

"Why didn't you correct Eleazar?"

"I trust no one." His expression turned serious. "I can't risk your life for any reason." His mood shifted and he pressed his lips to mine. "By the way, I think it's pretty cool that you aren't that affected by my venom."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because it means that I can do this," he nibbled on my lip again. "All over your delicious body."

And with that, I lost my last little shred of control, grabbing a fistful of his curls and pulled his face to mine. His arms tightened around me and he groaned into my mouth, returning my passion with a fervor matching my own as heard the seam of my shirt protest under his strong grip.

I was brought back to reality when someone passed us to get to the restroom. I reluctantly let him go and I looked down at myself, only to feel utterly mortified at my disheveled appearance. I removed myself from his embrace, but his fingers entwined with mine.

"Where are you going?"

"Um, I just need to clean myself up a little. We can meet at the table." Then it dawned on me and I paled. "Oh my... Rose and Emmett heard us, didn't they?" I was suddenly nauseous.

In a wink, I was in his arms again, his fingers playing in my hair, his other hand resting on the small of my back.

"Don't worry, Brownie, they left when we first kissed on the dance floor." I loved the calming waves that surrounded me.

"Do they know?" I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud.

"Yes. Emmett got a bit over-protective of you, so Rose decided to drag him out of here," he chuckled into my hair.

"Why has he been acting so weird?"

"Go to the bathroom, I'll get Emily. We should head back home. "

With that he let me go, but didn't loosen his hold around my fingers. I looked at him expectantly and he just grinned before yanking me back. I was flush against his solid chest and our mouths collided again. He kissed me deep and hard, his tongue furiously dancing with mine until I was gasping for air.

"God, I just can't get enough of you," he breathed into my neck before prying himself off me.

I walked to the toilets with a goofy grin plastered on my face. I cleaned up a little, wiping down the mess from my stomach, feeling ridiculously proud that I was able to do that to him. I washed my face, thankful that I wasn't wearing any make-up that would need fixing.

As I walked out of the bathroom, I bumped into someone.

"Are you still here?" A familiar voice asked. I looked up to the man, and realized that it was Mike, smiling a little too widely.

"And you aren't under curfew?" I teased. We'd graduated only a few weeks ago but it felt like years had passed since then.

"Nope! Actually, I moved here a week ago," he confessed a little embarrassed. "Well, I didn't get accepted to UDub, so my dad offered me a job. But I found a job at a bar not far from here and ended up moving in with some of my friends. The position my dad offered to me was… " He trailed off.

"Yeah, I know, the glorious position of storekeeper," I snickered. "I took your place."

"You did?" He sounded surprised. "Mom didn't mention that. She only told me that someone who deserves another chance got the job."

"That would be me." I blushed. "I still feel bad for acting like a zombie a few months ago. I didn't blame them when they laid me off."

"Yeah, that's a polite way of saying 'you're fired'." _Ouch_. I cringed.

The beer had definitely taken away his brain filter.

"I've changed since then."

"I see." He looked me over and I felt uncomfortable when his eyes stayed glued to my chest. I cleared my throat and his eyes unwillingly wandered to my face again. "So, if I go home on the weekends, I think I'd need to check out the store. See how you're handling things."

"Oh, well I'm only working there until the end of August. After that, I'm moving to Texas."

His brow furrowed a little and then a gleeful smile spread over his lips.

"Then I have three weeks to convince you."

"Convince me of what?" I asked, feeling uncertain. He suddenly realized what he'd said.

"Never mind, Bells." He grinned awkwardly then excused himself to the bathroom. We said our goodbyes and I hurried out of the bar, squeezing myself through the crowd.

Exhausted and hungry, I inhaled the fresh air when I was finally out of the bar. I looked around and saw that Jasper was helping Emily climb into the back seat of the SUV. Before I could blink, he was next to me, offering his arm like a proper gentleman.

"I really love that you come from an era when the men were gentle and polite,"

"Well, I don't think you'd be too fond of those times. The ladies wore uncomfortable gowns and tight corsets. Not to mention the fleas and total lack of hygiene."

Before he helped me into the SUV, he kissed my palm with so much endearment that my legs threatened to give out under me. And my panties… well, they were a lost cause hours ago.

While we drove back to Forks, I asked him if he'd let me eat in his car. He looked at me with confusion.

"Why would I forbid you to eat?"

I shrugged and took my sandwich out of my bag and started to eat. I refused to look at him. But he touched my arm, projecting his feelings towards me and I felt like beating the living crap out of a cute puppy. He was hurt. And as ridiculous as it sounded, he was hurt because he knew that someone had refused me that simple luxury. He felt me. He caught the spark of hurt that flashed through me when I remembered Rose's bitching about her car reeking of disgusting human food. I think he was now understanding my reasons for wanting to escape from the Cullens.

"Who forbade you from eating in their car?"

"No one. Just forget it, okay?"

"You think this'll be hard for me to figure out? Why don't you just tell me?" Jasper never let anything slip without his noticing. I stayed quiet. "Esme, Emmett and Carlisle are out of the picture. They adore everything about you. Edward is too thankful for your saving him. If it doesn't have anything to do with fashion, Alice doesn't care. So, that leaves one person. Rose."

"Please, don't make a big deal of it." His anger spiked.

"Why should I not make a big deal out of this, Bella?" I was suddenly thankful that I gave my iPod to Emily earlier. "She didn't let you _eat_ and it's wrong. That's like a vampire denying-" He halted.

"The need for human blood." I finished the sentence for him. He stayed silent, but gripped the steering wheel more firmly. "Do you miss the taste?"

"I don't think that was a real question," he growled under his breath, inhaling deeply before continuing. "Let's change the subject. Oh, and keep eating."

JPOV

We drove back to the treaty line in silence. Bella eventually drifted to sleep next to me and slept so hard that she didn't notice when I pulled over to wrap her up in a blanket. I was grateful to Peter for reminding me to keep these kinds of things in the SUV and sent him a text with a simple "Thanks," knowing he'd understand.

While driving, so many memories were running through my head. I knew that Bella was a main concern for my family. Bella cared for all of us deeply and the family loved having her around.

We didn't celebrate birthdays anymore, but Bella had made it a point to remember all of our birthdays and never failed to surprise us with little presents. Nothing flashy, nothing like a Cullen would do- just simple things.

When she was hormonal, Bella would avoid coming to our house to keep from tempting us with the smell of her blood. She never asked for anything, never complained of boredom when Edward played the piano for hours on end.

And we weren't as nearly as considerate as she was. Never gave a second thought about what she needed. Never cared about how much sleep she got or if she was eating enough or whether she had the privacy that every teenage girl needs. None of us even asked about her future plans. We just expected that she'd sacrifice her soul to be with Edward. An emo vampire who couldn't even give his fiancée an orgasm.

That memory of her face lighting up in the pure bliss of her orgasm brought me back to the reality.

I knew that it was wrong. I knew that Edward wanted to marry Bella and spend an eternity drinking tea and watching silent films together.

The sad thing was that he wanted to turn her into a lady of the age he left long behind. And the most outrageous thing was that our precious family silently agreed with him. They passively watched her suffer under his pressure and his unstable emotions. I sometimes longed to release the Major on them, show them the error of their ways and make them treat Bella with some respect.

Yes, what I allowed to happen in the bar was questionable, but she had the right to experience a taste of what she was missing. Bella was too young to be confined by the likes of someone like Edward. He would never let her live.

I never planned for anything to happen between us, and I must admit that it was a completely new experience for me too. It was the first time I'd been intimate with a woman without intercourse. But it was satisfying and nice and a little romantic, even. It wasn't about the seduction or her skills. It was simply an act of affection and lust.

Bella wanted to give me herself- her kindness and innocence. It was an overwhelmingly happy experience to get lost in her. Every curve and every swell fit into my palms as if she was made to be there.

When we were close to the rez, I called Sam.

"We have to talk," he said warily. When I heard his voice, a ray of fear ripped through my body. My first thought was that we were busted, someone had betrayed us.

My stomach was in knots when we reached the treaty line. I, the Major, was scared that I'd have to give her up.

Sam was instantly at the car when we arrived.

"What happened?" I asked, jumping out of the vehicle.

"You can't take Bella home. A gang of your kind is around here."

"How many?"

"I don't know. Seventeen, maybe more."

"There was only one yesterday."

"Yep, a red-headed female. Tonight we ran our usual patrols around town and found that there were more of them. They were looking for something, going into every house, watching every person, but they didn't harm anyone."

"And what does this have to do with Bella?"

"Seth was sent over to the Swan's house and he sensed one of them there. It was your brother."

"Edward?" I hardly acknowledged him as my brother any more.

He nodded. "But Jake got suspicious and went back to find someone else there too. Another of your kind was there, took some things from her room. To keep Charlie safe, we secured the house. But it's clear that they were looking for Bella. It was dumb luck that you took her away tonight."

"What's the plan?" I asked in strained voice, not showing my relief. I'd felt guilty before, taking away her for the night, but now it turned out that I'd saved her life

"The plan is you'll be allowed to stay here with her in Emily's cabin. _Just_ for tonight. We can't watch the entire town, our territory _and_ Bella. Hopefully when they see that she hasn't returned, they'll leave for the time being."

"But we don't know if that plan will work."

"No. But it's the best I can come up with for now."

"Wouldn't it be safer to keep her at the Cullens'?" I asked hesitantly.

"No. Ten of them are in that area, they're expecting her to show up there. The family is aware and has agreed to act as if they know nothing." He paused before continuing. I felt his anxiety and gratitude that I'd kept Emily away tonight."I told him that Bella was with us, and didn't reveal that you'd taken her."

"Thanks." I really valued his thoroughness. "What about the remaining vampires?"

"They're instinctively avoiding our territory and are miles away from here. You can park your car here for the night."

Sam nodded and helped his wife out of the car, holding her securely in his arms as they slowly disappeared into the dark. I climbed back into the car and drove behind the treaty line, heading to the small cabin on the beach. I parked the car behind the small building and tried to stay as quiet as I could as I gently wrapped my arms around Bella's slender body. She stirred a little and murmured something indecipherable, and without hesitation nestled her soft body into my arms.

An unknown emotion ripped through my body as I carried her to the cabin when I realized that it was the first time that I had to take care of someone.

Holding her warm body to mine with one hand, I opened the door with the other and was introduced to a surprisingly clean smell. There was only a hint of the dog stench. Someone must have taken care of it for me.

The small room was warm and inviting as I scanned it in the dark. I immediately loved the old stone fireplace and the big screen TV. There were some tribal decorations on the wall and the furniture was a little over used, but everything looked comfortable and nice, decorated in warm, Fall colors.

I cringed at the fact that I knew what a fall color was. Damn Alice.

I didn't want to lay Bella down on the couch, so I went further inside. The living room was built in one space with the kitchen and there was only one door left. From the smell of cleaning supplies, I could tell that it was the bathroom.

There was a narrow stairway on the left side of the kitchen and the scent of fresh linen invited me upstairs to the attic. I wasn't used to small places like this, but there was something warm and inviting about it.

In the bedroom, a large double bed resided in the space, the fresh scent of linen surrounded us. I gently laid Bella on the bed and watched her head touch down on the soft pillow. Her body was tired. She certainly wasn't in any state to undress herself. Watching her, I tried not to picture her in a light nightdress, with hard nipples poking through it, her amazing hair being spread on my pillow.

That thought sobered me a little. I didn't even have a pillow of my own in the house that had I'd called home for decades.

I took a step tentatively to her, knowing that I should leave. I shouldn't have been there. I should have waited downstairs on the couch until morning

But a small emotional and curious part of me couldn't stay away. She'd responded to my touches with so much passion before and I hadn't even touched her properly. I just wanted to touch her, to feel her soft skin under my fingertips.

With a deep sigh, I slowly turned her on her back, lightly chuckling when a soft snore left her mouth. I unbuttoned her jeans and pulled the zipper down. I watched her carefully, willing my hands not to tremble and wake her up, trying not to notice my jeans becoming tighter in a certain area.

I slowly pulled her jeans down and venom pooled in my mouth as her soft skin was revealed. It took all of my self-control not to kiss her supple skin.

She wore white boy shorts and it was really refreshing to see something so simple. I tried not to stare, but I felt the smooth skin of her thighs under my palms because I couldn't keep my hands to myself.

My fingers slid under her shirt to unclasp her bra. I remembered when she told Alice more than once that she hated sleeping in it. I wouldn't be able to remove it without waking her up, but decided to go with it because it was what she wanted. My fingers lingered on her back, gently stroking her down the spine, until little goose bumps appeared on her skin.

Pretending that I covered her body with the blanket, I slid my palms up her divine legs, wondering why she covered so much beauty with those annoying pieces of clothes. If she was mine, I'd only let her wear skirts and dresses.

When she was perfectly tucked in, I stood still for a moment, drinking in her beauty before I reminded myself that I was starting to really act like a perv. When I turned to go downstairs, she stirred.

"Don't go away," she breathed sleepily, but I wasn't sure if she was talking in her sleep, or if she was addressing me.

I stayed motionless for a second, waiting to see what happened next.

She rolled over and her eyes opened a bit.

"You weren't shy about undressing me, so you should have guts to come to bed with me," she murmured and I was caught off guard. I thought she'd been asleep when I took her clothes off.

Without a word, I ripped my clothes off with inhuman speed and in a wink, I was on the bed with her. Her eyes were wide as she inhaled deeply, and with strong determination, she sat up and removed the bra from under her shirt. I was a bit disappointed that she'd left her shirt on. She giggled a little at my disappointment.

"What? A man can dream," I smiled.

She didn't respond, just rolled closer and snuggled up to my bare chest. I was thankful that my lower body was covered with the blanket, because if I wasn't, she'd be met with the sight of my very demanding hard on.

Her small warm palm started to wander around my skin, just the tip of her finger touching me. I grabbed her hand.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at her.

"Pay back." She smiled and then yawned. "You're lucky that I'm so tired, otherwise I'd show you what you did to me a minute ago," she murmured into my skin.

Her sweet scent of arousal permeated the room and it was nearly impossible not to attack her with my mouth.

She gently kissed my chest with her palm rested peacefully over my waist and I was preparing myself for an endless night of sporting a woody because of her body pressing to mine.

I wondered how it felt to sleep. It had been so long that I didn't remember, but I missed it.

I let her peaceful and calm emotions flow into me, letting her soothe me until my eyes began to feel heavy. I closed my eyes with a deep sigh, trying to see how it felt. I was awake and aware of our surroundings, but I was also relaxed and calm like never before.

I drifted in and out of that dreamy state, listening to her soothing heartbeat, feeling her warm touch.

The night was cool and I heard the breeze and the never ending waves of the ocean. I sensed the wolves circling the cabin a few times, but my senses never reported any danger.

The sun was shining brightly when I opened my eyes again. I remembered that she rolled over in her sleep and I was now spooning her, leaning into her closely with my arms wrapped around her. My face was buried into her hair, which tickled me a little. I felt warm.

I was glad that I could wake up inhaling her sweet scent and feeling my body warmed up by hers. The only thing ruining the moment was the tent in my boxers.

I tried to back away, but she chuckled lightly.

"Are you awake?" I asked in a whisper.

"I woke up when you did." I could feel her smiling.

I couldn't take not seeing her face, so I leaned over her and ran my fingers through her hair. She turned toward me and presented me the sweetest smile. She reached for my hair, seemingly enthralled by it.

"You really slept last night?" She asked curiously.

My eyes took in her morning face; her eyes were slightly puffy from sleep, her cheeks were rosy and her lips flushed raspberry. Her hair was the most beautiful mess I'd ever seen.

"Well, it wasn't really sleep, but I'd never been more relaxed."

"Did you like it?" she asked quietly, her eyes boring into mine. She was thrilled.

"It was pleasant." I grinned at her, gently stroking her face. I wanted to lean closer and crash my mouth to hers, but didn't want to push my luck. "I almost felt human."

"But you certainly don't feel like a human right now." I didn't know what she was referring to. She wiggled out of my hold quickly and grimaced. "I have to pee. Bad."

She blushed as she said it, but I sent her reassuring emotions. She ran down to the bathroom and I buried my face into her pillow, inhaling her sweet scent.

I heard when she flushed the toilet downstairs and when she took a shower and brushed her teeth. I used my time to bathe in her scent left on the pillows, but then dressed quickly and went to the small kitchen. I searched for some coffee in the cabinets and found some basic food in the fridge.

She came out of the bathroom with wet hair, wearing a different outfit. I guess that Sam left her some clothes, too. She looked somewhat different. Her emotions stayed light and happy and that made me feel hopeful again. She was smiling. At me.

We were wrapped in our own little world in this house. We crossed lines and boundaries for each other and I wasn't sure where we'd go from here, but I was sure that I'd never regret what happened.

She smiled as she sat down on one of the barstools next to the counter island. I proudly put a mug of coffee and a plate of sandwiches in front of her. She devoured the sandwiches and I reminded myself that I needed to feed her more frequently.

When it came to the coffee, her enthusiastic smile faltered a little. She sniffed the dark liquid, and looked at it carefully.

"Did you make this?" she asked warily.

"Yes, what's wrong with it?" She immediately sensed my anxiety and sent me a dose of happiness until I was relaxed again.

"Exactly how much coffee did you put in it?"

I frowned. "There was no instruction on the canister, so I just filled it to the brim."

"Oh."

She shut me out until I couldn't feel her emotions.

"I messed it up, didn't I?"

"No, it's just…" Her voice faded.

"Just what? What is it?"

She looked at the mug and then back to me.

"It's just..." Her mouth twitched. "A little strong."

"Strong?"

She nodded, blushing.

"You could kill a horse with it."

I closed my eyes in embarrassment and heard her put the mug down to come to my side. She hugged me tightly and tried to soothe me.

"Was that the first time you made coffee?"

"Yes," I admitted timidly.

"Come here, I'm gonna show you how to make a killer cup of Joe before I leave for work." She smiled widely and I couldn't help but smile back at her, her good mood was contagious.

BPOV

I left for work smiling like never before. I was beyond happy to wake up in Jasper's arms. I really didn't want to compare him, but this morning was so easy with him, so carefree and joyful and different from my mornings with Edward.

We were playful and he wasn't hesitant to admit that he made a mistake. He was willing to learn and it made me feel really good. While sipping my delicious coffee a few minutes later, he told me about the strange vampires in town and the necessity for my staying here last night.

Then he called Carlisle and they agreed that it was no longer necessary for me to stay at the cabin because the strangers had left this morning.

Later, Jasper left to meet with the wolves and create a plan, and I was heading to Newton's to start my shift at the store. I called Charlie from Jasper's cell, because I'd purposely left mine at home, and I assured him that I'd return home after my shift. He told me that more tourists had disappeared last night, so he might be late for dinner.

I knew the likely cause of those disappearances, but kept it to myself. Vampires.

I parked my truck in front of the store, happy that I wasn't late. I'd made it just in time.

Mrs. Newton looked at me with surprise when I appeared at the door.

"Good morning, Mrs. Newton!" I greeted her cheerfully.

She responded by gawking at me, so I just went back to the locker room to put my things away.

When she asked me to unpack some things that had arrived Friday afternoon, I happily obliged. I was kind to the customers, and even giggled a little when one of them made a joke about the cheap sleeping bags.

"What happened to you, Bella?" Mrs. Newton asked as I was stepping out for a quick lunch.

"Nothing," I responded with a grin. "Just went out with a few friends last night and had fun. Oh, I saw Mike there, too."

"You were in Seattle?" She asked, stunned.

"Uh-huh."

She didn't say anything, just grabbed her cell. I was sure that Mike would be on the other line as soon as I stepped out of the door. In a few hours, everyone in Forks would know that I'd partied last night.

After lunch, the afternoon went by quickly and Mrs. Newton got accustomed to my peppy whistling until closing time.

When I walked to my truck, I rummaged through my purse for my keys and wasn't paying attention to where I was going. When I bumped into something hard, I looked up and saw two smoldering, coal black eyes. In a cold voice, he said: "We need to talk."

**Let me know what you think.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Discl: the usual**

**My pre-reader, ****vszoke**** is the light of my days and she's my soul mate. Her ideas are making this story more interesting.**

**I want to confess my undying loyalty to my betas, ****mynxi**** and ****tiffaninichole****, because without them this story wouldn't exist. I can never be thankful enough for their support and friendship.**

**I'm very than****kful for your patience folks, my RL is not full of daisies these days. **

**But finally this chapter is finished and ... what should I say? Enjoy it? Be patient until everything'll be revealed? Read it, and then decide what do you think.**

**I think that this chapter ****deserves a warning: it contains abuse. **

Chapter11

"_The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping  
this world is mine for the taking"_

_Eminem - Lose yourself_

"We have to talk."

"J-Jake" I stuttered. "What are you doing here?"

He looked around warily and turned back to me. He was angry, close to snapping and I didn't need to be an empath to sense it.

"Let's go to the diner. I'm hungry." He cautiously started off in that direction.

"I have to go home. I promised Charlie I'd make dinner for him. Why don't you follow me home?" I pointed to his bike parked next to my truck.

"I can't. Seth and one of the leeches are watching your house and no one needs to hear what I have to tell you."

We ended up at the diner and after the waitress took our orders, we sat in awkward silence until she brought our food out fifteen minutes later. He fidgeted nervously and avoided my eyes, so I entertained myself by watching the people in the room.

"So… what's so important that you couldn't tell me at home?" I broke the silence. He finally shifted his gaze to me.

"Your precious boyfriend called me last night. He was looking for you." Jake eyed me curiously. "You're not surprised?" he asked when he saw my blank expression.

"No, I'm not. I left my cell at home because I knew he wouldn't honor his promise not to call." I kept my voice quiet.

"But the thing is… you weren't on the beach." His anger spiked again. "Our arrangement doesn't entail you disappearing to God knows where. With another one of _his_ kind."

"You know that I'm not going to tell you where I was last night, right?"

"I know. But that doesn't mean I'm not pissed. And what the hell did you do with that bloodsucker last night?"

"That's really none of your business, Jake." I sat there with burning cheeks and downcast eyes.

"It _is_ my business, Bella, since _I'm_ the one who is doing a favor for _you_."

"And what might that be?"

"Honestly?" Determination hardened his face. "You're beyond naïve and playing with fire by treating those monsters like they're humans."

"I'm not going to listen to this, Jake." I stood to leave. He was hot on my heels and when we left the building, he grabbed my arm.

"I've tolerated your childish behavior for too long, Bells. I was there for you when you needed me. Always. I saved your life," he hissed angrily. "The _least_ you can do is listen to what I have to say."

"Jake, let me go!" I yelled angrily.

"Bells, they're not even alive!" His eyes were desperate.

"You don't know them! You don't see them for who they are!"

"You think that the _Major _is better than your boyfriend? Why? Did he finish what your precious _boyfriend_ wasn't able to do? Are you whoring yourself between all of them?"

My palm shot out and slapped him across his hard face.

"How dare you!" I turned away from him and headed to my truck. I knew that it was a bad idea to meet him.

"How dare _I_?" he snickered. "Do you think he cuddles with you because he finds you so irresistible? That leech has his own intentions and _none_ of them are honest."

He grabbed me again with force which actually made me cry out in pain. He yanked me towards him, eyes boring into mine. The diner was empty and no one was around for miles. For the first time in my life, I was scared of Jacob.

"I can smell his stench all over you. Are you really that desperate, Bella?" he whispered heatedly. "Because you know all you have to do is ask..."

"Jake, it's not what you think." I pleaded, but he was too far gone.

"I saw you! Since the first time he came to you on the beach, kissing and groping you. It's disgusting. I can show you what a _real_ kiss feels like," he growled and with that he pressed his lips against mine.

I tried to fight him, but was too weak to get out of his grip. My brain worked overtime trying to think of any weakness in him that could save me as I felt his palms sliding under my shirt. Horrified, I squeezed my eyes shut in hopes that I would disappear. That this was really a nightmare I'd wake up from at any moment.

His lips left my mouth and moved lower to my throat with wet, sloppy kisses. I was nauseated and tried pushing him away again and again, but he just growled and held me tighter. He didn't even realize that he was hurting me.

He pushed me against my truck hands gripping the waistband of my jeans.

"No!"

I screamed at him, but he didn't listen. I felt like I was in a horrible dream as my mind detached itself from my body. I saw myself struggling against him, screaming with tears running down my face. I saw it all, but felt nothing.

Suddenly, I began feeling… something. Something vibrating in my body, coming from the depths of my soul.

"Jake, let me go!" I said more firmly, but he ignored me, grabbing a fistful of my hair and forcing my mouth to his. I tried not to panic as I slowly lifted my hand to touch his chest.

"You want it, I can feel it... come on, touch me, Bells," he groaned, groping my body painfully.

I put my palm on his chest, focusing on the disgust and determination that I felt until I was able to push him away. He stumbled back a little, but was immediately on me again.

"Nice try," he smirked and pushed me against the truck with eyes full of darkness.

I felt lightheaded and I was close to hyperventilating.

I felt his fingers trying to undo my jeans and I recalled my sweet memories with Jasper— his touches and kisses. If I was going to be raped against an old, rusted truck, I didn't want to let Jake in my head. He could take my body but he was not going to break me.

Jasper... I recalled his smile against my skin as I felt Jake rip my shirt down the front.

When he grabbed my bra, I saw Jasper gently unhooking it.

His rough fingers roamed on my breasts and I recalled Jasper tenderly brushing the hair away from my face that very morning.

He squeezed my neck and lifted me from the ground, violently grabbing my ass. I felt Jasper holding me on the beach.

He started to rub his hardness against me, and I went back to that morning, watching Jasper's timid smile over my morning coffee.

And suddenly, it was so easy.

I didn't know how it happened, but he was suddenly yanked away from me, body flailing like a ragdoll.

I opened my eyes abruptly to see Jake raging and transitioning into a wolf.

I watched him approach me, growling. I inhaled deeply a few times, knowing that I should have been scared, but I just felt endless silence in my soul.

"I hope you can understand what I'm saying." I told him calmly and closed the torn fabric over my chest. "This never happened— we're both going to forget it. You saved me when I almost jumped from the cliff and I'm saving you now, because, believe me, if any of the Cullens ever found out about this, you wouldn't live to see another day. We're even. And I don't care how you do it, but you will convince Sam to allow Jasper on the rez. Am I clear?"

He growled but took a few steps away from me. I was sure that he was taken aback by what had happened only minutes before, but I was giving him no explanation. I opened the door of the truck and turned back to him once more.

"And please, don't pull that fazing crap again. I'm over it."

I closed the door behind me and started the engine, driving away without looking back.

**Please, let me know what you think.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Discl: The usual.**

**I want to thank to my best friend ****vszoke**** for pre-reading this chapter for me. **

**Mynxi ****and ****tiffaninichole ****are the beta-fairies for this chapter. **

**Some of you asked if Jake raped Bella. NO, he didn't – I didn't even think about it. I jus found it weird, that all of the wolves had problems with controlling their temper in the original. **

**Do you remember when Bella slapped Paul /NM/, and how he reacted to that? So, it was a little weird that when she slapped Jake after the kiss in the Eclipse, and he just fumed a little and the scene was over!**

**So, that's how the idea for the previous chapter came into my mind, because I think it was more realistic this way. **

**About this chapter: I'm sorry, it's still not a happy chapter. And NO, Edward will not rape her. **

_Every whisper  
Of every waking hour I'm  
Choosing my confessions  
Trying to keep an eye on you  
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool_

_-R.E.M. Losing my religion-_

I drove back home in silence, not even bothering with the radio. The dark was my only companion on the deserted streets, but it didn't scare me anymore. I tried to think about something— a_nything_—but my mind just didn't want to cooperate.

I wasn't in hysterics. I wasn't panicking, crying, or pulling my hair. The only thing I felt and sensed was the deafening silence, inside and outside of me.

I parked my truck on the driveway and when trying to unlock the door, I realized that my hands were slightly trembling. My body was numb and for a moment I forgot where I was and what I was going to do. I just stood there, key in hand, blankly staring at the closed door.

When I finally managed to enter the house, I went upstairs in the dark hallway and went to the bathroom. After a hot shower, I changed into my pajamas and stopped in the kitchen to fix something up something quick for Charlie. I was thankful to find some marinated steak in the fridge. While peeling the potatoes I remembered that it was _me_ who prepared the meat back on Saturday.

Everything seemed to melt into a blur of automatic moves while I worked. I made the mashed potatoes while the steak was grilling in the stove and greeted Charlie with a tired smile. We ate in silence and he watched me carefully eyeing my still full plate.

"I talked with Jake at the diner," I offered as a conversation starter and really hated the relieved smile on his face.

When Charlie finally left for the night, I slowly cleaned up the kitchen with an accuracy like never before. I washed the top of the counter and the table again and again… because everything felt dirty. I don't know how much time I spent cleaning. When there was nothing left to do, I made my way up to my room and felt every step.

I shouldn't have been surprised that my privacy had been invaded again and my _beloved_Edward was waiting for me next to my window, holding something in his hands. I didn't make an effort to look at what it was. I didn't care.

We watched each other warily, he was growing impatient and I was growing exhausted. When I became bored with the staring contest, I shrugged and closed the door behind my back. Ignoring him, I climbed into bed and snuggled into the sheets.

"Bella, you can't be serious," he said disbelievingly. "You just can't ignore me like this."

"I'm tired, Edward," I whispered quietly. "Can we talk tomorrow?"

"No, we're talking _now_."

_Great_

I sat up in bed and tried to stay patient while stifling my yawn.

"Okay, let's talk. What's up?" I looked at him with fake interest.

"I was here last night."

"Oh. Cool." I rewarded him with a tired smile. He looked confused.

"And… you weren't here." He continued in heated tone.

"Like you didn't already know."

"And then I called the dogs and you weren't on the beach either." He watched my expression, but I just looked down at my lap, feeling empty and void while waiting for the worst to come. "And today, I went to Seattle."

He waited until I shifted my gaze to him. I watched him and it seemed like for the first time, I actually _saw_ him. He was strange and cold and I was wondering how I found Edward so alluring before.

"I assume you eavesdropped today, as always," I sighed in a defeated tone. "And now you want... what exactly? You want me to praise you for your thoroughness? A pat on the head?"

"I saw you in his thoughts!" he seethed, his fists in tight balls and he stepped towards the bed. I blinked. "I saw you…_kissing_ a guy!"

"What do you want me to say?" I stared at him. "That nothing happened, and it was just Mike's unfulfilled, overheated imagination, creating an illusion of me and some other guy?"

He lifted his hand and he tossed the items he held in front of me. I looked down to see my torn bra and t-shirt and gaped at those damaged pieces of clothes. I felt like I was standing in an abyss. Something started to rise in me that made my insides quiver. For the first time in our relationship I was beginning to fear him.

"I believe I deserve an explanation."

"An explanation, Edward?" I raised an eyebrow, pushing the duvet out of my way and swiftly jumped out of my bed to walk to the chest of drawers. Slowly approaching him, I reached for his hand and placed the small box that held the damn ring into his palm. "Now that that's taken care of, I don't think that I'm obliged to give you any explanation about my actions."

His eyes went wide as saucers and he grabbed my arm.

"We're not finished yet, Bella!"

"Yes, we are, Edward." I looked into his eyes with sincerity. "I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry."

"I'll bet Alice didn't see this," I smirked. His face gave me my answer. "Let me give you some advice: don't believe everything that Alice tells you."

"Bella… what's happening?" He still didn't get it.

"Edward, I just broke up with you and this is the part where you leave the scene."

"Scene?"

"A scene." I confirmed with a nod. "Life has been a sad, never-ending scene since we came back from Volterra, Edward,"

"Bella, please." He closed his eyes, trying to contain himself. "Let's talk about what's going on."

"Nothing is going on, Edward." I was really too tired to continue this conversation and I wanted to get it over with. "Our relationship was over when you left me. Maybe it was over much sooner— I don't know." I looked up at him with sincerity. "While you were away, I changed inside. I went with Alice to find and save you because I felt responsible. And after that..." I shrugged. "I tried. I really tried to remain sane, to cope with everything you gave or denied me. Us."

"I can give you anything you want. Just name it, and it's yours." I felt his desperation. He asked me to be his wife out of the blue yesterday when things were already headed downhill fast. He had to know that I was looking for a way out of this relationship.

"You see…" I smiled sadly, "The thing is that we never got to know each other like we should have. If you'd really known me, you'd know that I never needed grand gestures. You'd probably buy me an entire island if you could."

"Actually, I planned on it." He offered with a weak smile.

"But I don't want that." I shook my head. "I want simple things, Edward."

"Like what?" His eyes bored into mine.

"I don't know. Riding a horse through the forest. Kissing under an apple tree." I paused for a second "Simple, romantic things, I guess."

He tried to digest what I said, but it was something he just didn't understand.

"You're angry about our kissing?" He looked at me stunned "That's why you kissed that guy last night?"

"No. Yes." Now I really started getting angry. I felt like I needed to calm down, but I couldn't. "No, it's not just about kissing, but yes, I really miss that part of our relationship. It's not fair that you're constantly denying our needs."

"That's funny." He mocked me. "Usually it's the guy who exaggerates the importance of intimacy."

"Well…" I didn't let him hurt my feelings. "It's really a shame that I had to steal your line, don't you think?"

"Bella, how many times have I explained to you that I don't want to hurt you? A vampire and a human... we're just not compatible." He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"You're lying." The words were out before I could stop them, and I held my breath. That caught his attention.

"What?" He looked straight in my eyes.

"Nothing," I yawned, more affectionately this time, hoping that he'd finally take the hint and leave.

"You're not going to sleep now!" He was at my side in a wink, grabbing my arm. I looked down at his pale hand, but all I saw was Jake's hand, grabbing me, forcing me... "Before I met you I was a disciplined man! And now you are driving me crazy! You can't leave me!"

"I just did, Edward."

"But we have a history! Memories! Plans!" he yelled.

"Nothing is ours, Edward," I whispered. "Nothing." I looked up at him. "I'm suffocating with you."

I tried to shrug him off, but I was weak against him. I was completely exhausted and needed my sleep.

"Let go off of me, Edward!" I yelped, because his hold was painful.

"You think that I was joking when I told you that I can crush you without trying?" he hissed with coal black eyes.

"Edward," I tried to reason with him, touching his hand on my arm gently "Look at me, please. I don't want you. I don't want this relationship. I don't want to fade away while you remain young. I don't want any of it. I just want to live my life."

"I offered you a way out once, remember?" he croaked, leaning closer. "I told you in the woods to go and live your human life. But you came back to me, you announced that you wanted to be changed and you wanted to be mine forever. Everyone heard that. You're not going to back out of this now."

When I looked into his eyes, I saw, for the first time in two years, the real monster in him that he always tried to hide. I tried to stay composed, but too much had happened in these last few days and I was close to breaking.

His cruel words mixed with those Jake said earlier; everything starting to melt into one big mess in my head. My emotions broke the lines of sanity and while he was forcing me on the bed, climbing onto me, purposely leaving bruising marks on my body, I closed my eyes and I just... gave up.

I didn't want to fight, and I didn't want to die. I just drifted in and out of unconsciousness not even registering that someone had stormed into the room through the window and pulled Edward off of me.

A strong wave of calm washed over me while I lay there, unable to move. My eyes were boring into the ceiling above me, and I knew that my body was slightly exposed since Edward managed to push my shirt up right before he was pulled away from me. I heard faint voices laced with anger, but at the same time, I was surrounded with calm and love. I was tired, so tired, wanting nothing else but sleep. I shivered slightly from the cool air, but I wasn't able to move. I was lying there like a ragdoll, tossed aside. My body hurt, and my mind was empty.

Finally, after an eternity, the voices stopped and I felt a cool hand palming my face, fingers wiping away my tears. I hadn't even registered that I was crying.

Someone whispered soothing words into my ear and pulled the duvet over my quivering body. Someone reached out to turn the light off, and my hand trembled slightly when I tried to move, but I was too weak. He sensed it, and pulled me into his embrace, putting his arms around me, helping me move until my face touched his chest, cooling my skin. My body was limp against his and I felt absolutely nothing other than gratitude.

I closed my eyes, inhaling the sweet scent of chocolate, and within a few moments I finally drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi, I'm back.**

**Sorry for the long waiting, please, don't be angry with me. The RL sometimes is a bitch.**

**I want to thank to my immortal beloved ****vszoke ****for pre reading this chapter for me.**

**Special thanks and hugs go to the wonderful ****mynxi ****for betaing this chapter.**

Chapter 13

Song: Natalie Imbruglia – Identify

For every questioned hour  
For every second devoured  
You let me wander you  
Into a myth that I live

JPOV

Have you ever seen a glass vase fall from the table, breaking into tiny pieces of crystals? The little shiny pieces, so sparkly in the light, you see the millions of glittering pieces, lying shattered on the floor, but it's nearly impossible to put them together. You know how it looked as a whole, and still you feel useless and incapable to make it whole again.

That's how I felt when I pulled her curves against my chest that night.

.

.

That day, after our perfect night I felt... well, I felt everything. I shut myself down so long ago, that I was used to letting emotions flow over me without really affecting my soul, if it even existed.

I went home to take a long shower, and I was thankful that none of the Cullens were there. Standing under the hot spray of water, it felt nearly blasphemous washing Bella's scent from my skin. But, if I didn't it'd lead to questions I didn't want to answer at this time.

After a quick hunt I drove back to Seattle. Call me over-thinking, but I knew that Edward was not stupid. One look at Bella's wrist and he'd know that something was up.

I felt strange that whole day. I was able to identify the emotions that started to rise in me and still, they were confusing to me.

My senses heightened, it felt like stretching out your hand from a shelter into the warm rain, feeling it on your finger tips, letting your whole body warm up and tingle just feeling those droplets on your skin.

My body seemed to work overtime. Every movement was so easy and light, like the weight of my past and my conscience I was carrying on my shoulders for too long, was eased a bit.

While hunting, I stopped in the clearing in the woods gazing up into the sun. As a vampire, I instinctively liked the shadows, covering every inch of exposed skin when it was absolutely inevitable to avoid the sun, hiding my eyes behind sunglasses. I never missed the sun until now.

But this Monday morning, I stepped out from the dark woods, and I just stood there, letting the rays of light radiate through me. I opened my eyes; it seemed like for the first time in my existence. And it felt... like I belonged there.

I realized that this was what I was always looking for, the chance to have a choice and an opportunity, to make a change, and to do something unexpected. A chance to decide if I wanted to have a good day or not. Being able to make a simple choice if I wanted to. Even if my choice was something so banal as standing in the middle of nowhere in the sunlight, like this.

Later on, speeding to Seattle, I felt like something unraveled in me, something that was bound and hidden until now. I could easily identify the emotion, since I felt it every time I was near Carlisle or Emmett. I just didn't give a shit about it. I catalogued it and put it away. It was a useless emotion to me, and I would never manipulate someone with it.

Since I never felt it towards Alice, I thought that I wasn't capable of producing such an emotion.

But now, now the feeling was there.

_Accompanied__. _

Have you ever left church with a feeling that after years of listening to empty and shallow speeches, finally _it _happened, that all those words without meaning, suddenly started to make sense?

Have you ever felt, that just for a second, your soul was touched with something pure and selfless?

It was a whole pack of new emotions within me, showing everything in a different light.

My actions were related to someone.

My hands remembered touching her silky hair and soft skin.

My eyes missed looking into her brown ones.

My skin was aching for the touch of her warmth.

My whole body was vibrating with anticipation.

And my lips missed the taste of her sweet and delectable lips.

I stopped in downtown Seattle only to throw a bag full of my clothes from my previous night into a dumpster because it smelled of those dogs and Bella.

An hour later, while standing at the Tiffany's, trying to find the perfect bracelet, I felt all of those new and amazing emotions, like a flash of lightning. My fingers touched those pieces of art absentmindedly and all of them felt strange.

And while pushing away the most expensive items, knowing that she'd never accept them, all of a sudden, I saw it, the silver petals bracelet, with small diamonds in the centers.

It was fragile, pure, ethereal, and exactly just like _her. _I bought it without a second thought.

Everything was related to her, in my mind. I didn't search for words and I didn't need to name what I felt. It was simply there, even if it didn't make sense.

Leaving the store, I felt strangely calm on my way back to Forks. I touched that small box with the silver bracelet from time to time on the seat next to me, just to know that soon it'd be on her wrist.

I felt bored on my way and I had a couple of hours to kill. The road was deserted, and my mind always drifted back to Bella. I wondered what she was doing at that moment. I was too far from her to feel her, but I wanted to give it a try, just for fun.

I knew that Alice trained herself a lot to expand her powers, and now she could watch anyone even from a long distance, if she focused on the target strongly. I remembered all of her efforts, she tried it at least thousand times until she was successful. And she was able to do it only in those cases when she shut down her every emotion, completely.

I took a deep breath and I tried to shut out every disturbing image and emotion. I focused on Bella, but I was distraught.

Lust, joy, happiness – it was hard to keep them out, whenever she came to my mind. After a dozen abortive tries, I huffed angrily, feeling defeated. I turned the radio off and I concentrated again.

My gift as an empath seemed completely useless to me. I was trapped by its limits exactly like when I was enslaved by Maria.

Maria. The woman who took everything from me.

And when my mind recalled her, slowly, agonizingly slowly, emotion after emotion left me. For the first time I was thankful to that bitch for teaching me, forcing me, to live without feelings.

I let only one thing stay in my mind.

_Bella._

The sun was setting and I guessed that she had to be on her way back home. I hoped that she was as happy and carefree as me.

The emotion I was getting felt like I was in darkness. Every emotion was shaky and threatened. I thought that it was a mistake that I sensed someone from a car passing by, but there was nothing, just the empty concrete under my SUV and the dark woods.

Then I felt a second emotion. _Disbelief_.

And then the emotions started bombarding me from every side. _Fear. Loathe. Horror._

She was scared.

Oh my God, what was happening to her? I sped up my SUV. I was still too far from town.

I felt her struggle. My fingers tightened on the steering wheel until I heard it cracking; I sobered at the sound and loosened my hold.

I couldn't stop feeling her anymore. She was inside of me, and I was inside of her. It was surreal to sense her soul entwining with mine, being there with her emotions, feeling everything without being in her presence.

A second later, I knew that she was trying to use her powers, to defend herself.

Her soul was so full of love and self-sacrificing feelings, that she wasn't able to use those foreign emotions in her favor.

I damned the fool inside of me, leaving her alone for a fucking stupid bracelet. I wanted to be there and tell her, that she had to use her own emotions and her own strength. But I was useless to her at that moment.

I felt her weaken. She started to drift away, to stay emotionless. But if there was no emotion coming from her, how could I locate her later? What if I'd arrive to Forks only to find her lifeless corpse?

I shivered at the thought, and I decided to help her. Maybe my emotions, which felt always useless to me, maybe they could help her. Maybe it was something stupid, but I wanted to give it a try, to give her strength through our memories.

I remembered that she loved the feeling of my lips ghosting over her soft skin of her neck, when I couldn't help but smile relieved, feeling cherished. It was the first moment when I truly felt hope rising within me.

I recalled the moment when I put her under the soft white covers in Emily's house, how I couldn't stop myself from touching and caressing her warmth under her shirt. It was the first moment when I wanted to do something selfless just because of her.

I was there again, lost in the memory, when I felt an overwhelming urge just to hold and kiss her senseless this morning, brushing the silky hair out of her face in the bed. It was my first moment of realization that this kind of passion was maybe stronger than me.

But at this moment, she was still weak, like she wasn't able to accept my help. I felt desperate and I wanted to punch something. I was still too far, at least from an hour from Forks. I considered pulling over and just running to her, but I decided against it. I never knew when I would need my car again.

„Fight Bella, damn it," I hissed through my gritted teeth, doubling my efforts, concentrating on her. I recalled Eleazar's words when he said that a part of her power worked only with me. He was fucking cryptic about it, and now I figured out that he could have meant that they worked as a human, Bella could defend herself with my support.

I shut out everything completely. There was no me anymore, just a soul searching for his match. I hoped she felt all those emotions which I recalled from our common experiences.

She felt lost.

So fucking lost, like when she started to cry on the beach. And she let me touch her, she let me embrace her, and it felt so good, like nothing else in the world, when she spread her warm little fingers on my cool skin.

I felt venom pooling in my eyes and I wanted to cry like a little child. I couldn't lose her, not now, not like this, not when I finally found her.

"Please, don't give up. Please..." My voice came out as a whisper and my vision blurred.

Her emotions faded slowly and I panicked, feeling so disarmed like this morning, when I screwed up her coffee. She was so playful, confident, and unbelievably sexy while she taught me to make coffee properly with a mischievous glint in her eyes. I had to smile at that memory, how good it felt, seeing her in charge.

She wasn't a weak human. She wasn't my prey. She wasn't a daughter and she wasn't a girlfriend to someone. She was only herself. She was everything to me that morning.

Likewise, I wasn't someone's useless husband anymore. I wasn't the Major at that moment. I didn't need to be an empath in her presence. She didn't want me because of my damned gift or because of my looks. She looked into my eyes deeply, and she saw everything what I wasn't able to say aloud.

Nothing else mattered, there was no future and no past, just the perfect moment back in that vintage kitchen, being with her and I felt... God, I felt _love_.

And then I nearly drove into the woods when a jolt of electricity ripped through me at that thought. I was sure that she felt it too, because she finally started to fight, and my head pounded because of my efforts to stay connected to her, helping and forcing her to fight whoever was threatening her at that moment.

And when her exhaustion took reign over her, I knew that she made it. She defended herself. My lips started to quiver with relief.

But who attacked her? No one dared to put a finger on the chief's daughter in the town.

Who was it? It couldn't be Edward, because my cell stayed quiet, Carlisle didn't alert me. None other of my family was a threat to her, well, maybe except of Alice, but Rose and Emmett were watching her.

It had to be someone strong and fearless. Someone desperate who had nothing to lose. Who broke his chains.

It had to be that pup.

_Jacob. _

He was in love with her, and he was hotheaded and audacious enough to make such a mistake.

At that moment I felt anger rising within me, I lost the connection with Bella. But I assumed that she was safe and I wasn't so far from Forks. I glanced at my watch on my wrist.

Twenty more minutes.

My cell started to ring in my pocket. I picked it up, only to see Sam's name on the display.

"Jasper, I need your help," his voice was weak.

"Not now, Sam." I growled in response.

"I wouldn't call you if I had other options, trust me." I could practically feel his anger.

"Look, I need to see Bella right now." My control was on thin leash.

"Then you know already," he sighed.

"Know what?" I needed to prove my suspicion.

"That Jacob got out of line and he didn't act too nice. But," he added hastily, „she's okay. She's on her way home."

"Don't you dare say that she's okay, Sam. When she was _attacked_ just a mere five minutes ago!" I yelled into the phone.

"How did you know when it happened?" He sounded terrified. „I assure you that everything's okay. We are watching Jake now... but we can't control him. He is raging and he's disobeying me. He won't even transition back into a human."

"What the...? He attacked her as a wolf?" That kid was signing his death sentence.

"No! He tried to... talk to her as a human and when she rejected him, he lost his cool. But she somehow managed to stop him."

"What does that have to do with me?" I gritted my teeth.

"I need you to calm him down. He can't think as a human now. His animal instincts are stronger than anything I have ever had to deal with."

"You are their fucking leader, Sam! How come you can't handle him?" I was utterly confused.

"Because the thing is, that I'm not their true leader, Jasper. Jake is the Alpha, not me. He didn't want it. He appointed me to take his place. Jake is stronger than me, both physically and mentally." He was positively defeated.

"This is ridiculous." I was exasperated. "I'll be there in a few." With that, I disconnected the call.

I tried to find my connection with Bella again, but I was too angry. I knew that she had left her cell at home, so I didn't even bother trying to call it

.

I dialed Carlisle and thankfully, he answered after the first ring, like he'd sensed that I was close to my breaking point.

"Where's Edward?" I went straight to the case.

"He went over Bella's. Alice had a vision that she'd need him tonight," he said quietly.

Could it be worse? I raked my fingers through my hair.

"Don't tell me, that you trust her." I was already on the road to the reservation, my eyes roaming the dark woods, while I drove down the road.

"No, I didn't. But Edward said that this time Alice didn't lie."

"Edward is a fucking, stupid fool, and he is unstable, Carlisle! Send Emmett over Bella's." I wondered how he survived the Volturi with so much naivety. I pressed the red button on my cell, not waiting for his answer and a few moments later I parked my SUV at Sam's house.

Sam was already waiting for me and while we were rushing into the woods, he tried to apologize. I felt that he was completely ashamed and disappointed in himself. I was sorry Sam had to deal with this and I saw the guilt in his eyes.

We found Jake in the clearing, where Edward used to take Bella, and he was surrounded with eight giant growling wolves. All of them on edge, close to losing it completely. Fear mixed with rage, and their eyes were full of pain as all of them heard Jacob's thoughts and sensed his mourning.

When they caught my scent, their heads snapped to my direction.

"Can you control the rest of them?" I asked Sam calmly.

"Yes, they are no problem. They're just watching Jake and it's easier for them this way."

I nodded. "Tell them to leave. I don't need them right now."

"But Jasper..."

I saw that Jacob's nostrils flared and he started to growl at me, slowly coming closer. My instincts told me to run and save myself. My muscles tensed, but I fought to remain on the spot. Any other vampire in this world would run. But I couldn't and didn't want to.

"Go. Now," I told Sam as quietly as possible, knowing that one bad move could ruin everything. I didn't need the distraction and I felt that Jake was truly the strongest one.

Sam looked at his wolves and said something in their native language. All of them, except Jacob, lowered their heads and disappeared in the woods. I didn't have to look around to know that Sam was gone too.

"I'm going to calm you down," I told him in a low voice, knowing that he'd listen. "We can do it my way and it'll be over soon. Or you can fight, and then it'll hurt a little. Either way, I'm going to help you out of this problem."

His body was ready to attack as he came closer. I sensed his emotions, and I knew that he was struggling to gain control over his actions, but he had overstepped the line of sanity. He wasn't able to go back. His emotions were mixed and he couldn't decipher what was happening to him.

Since I've seen Emily's scarred face, I knew that all of the wolves went through a hard time, to control their urges and temper. Sam had to learn on his own, that a situation like this could easily slip out of hand.

I watched Jacob's every movement as he started to circle me, like a shark would around it's prey. I smelled blood, it was Jacob's. I didn't need Sam to tell me, that Jacob had already fought them.

For a second, I felt bad for him. But then I remembered that this pup had attacked Bella and if I hadn't helped her, he would have hurt her.

I sent some calmness towards him, trying to figure out how to deal with this problem, because my instincts shouted at me, urging me to kill him without a further ado. As my calming waves invaded his senses, they just confused him more and in the next second he hurled towards me, baring his fangs, going for my throat.

I fought countless times recently, mostly with the newborns, and they were much stronger and faster than me. Sometimes, I had to face a dozen of them at the same time and I handled them quite easily.

But Jacob's strength was much worse than my previous experiences. He was unpredictable and smart. He didn't act only on instinct. He was calculating and planning. He was watching my movements, and his decisions changed abruptly, every single second.

I needed all of my powers to pry him off me, pushing him away, and in a deep corner of my mind I wondered, how was Bella that fragile little woman able to fight him off.

At the same time she came into my mind, I felt my powers double. Jacob was ready to kill me, and certainly, he had every chance to finish me on the spot. Not to mention the others, who watched us from a safe distance. They didn't want to attack me, but I knew that if I killed this kid, they'd do it without a second thought.

I narrowed my eyes at him, as he stared at me for a second. He was confused, but I felt that his emotions weren't boiling in him as strong as before. He hated me and his first intention was to rip me into tiny pieces and finish the job by lighting a silver Zippo.

I focused on his strongest emotion. It was the _anger_. I needed to take away the edge of it. I needed him to attack me again, but he was really smart. He knew that it wouldn't be easy and he remained still. His anger spiraled out of control and he was close to attacking again, like a rabid dog.

He needed to be pushed.

"Come on, I know that you want to do it, dog," I said calmly, knowing that it'd bring him to the edge, seeing that I had stayed put.

But he surprised me, he just kept growling at me, keeping his distance.

"I know you want to rip my throat out for what I did to her. You know that if not today, but soon I'll have her in my bed..." That was all that he needed, picturing me all over Bella, naked and sweaty – at least, the sweat on her part.

He launched himself at me for the second time, and we played like this several times, until I felt him getting tired and exasperated. Sam, who asked me quietly a couple of times, if it was necessary, started to see my point, and he didn't intrude after that.

When I sensed that the anger started to dissipate from his body, I focused on his second dominating emotion, and it was the _hurt_ pride. He lost his confidence in himself for losing his cool with Bella, and he was also hurt as a man, because he couldn't handle her rejection.

"Remember, that she always repeated you're the same, that she loves you as a friend, not as a man. You need to accept it," I whispered in a low voice, projecting reassurance and support to him, to fix his self-consciousness. "You can be her best friend forever, to be there for her as she'd be there for you always. Be there as a friend, not as a lover. Accept it or stay in your hurt pride."

A few growls and guffaws later and he finally lowered his head.

The next emotion was the _jealousy_, but honestly, I could understand that. I tried to ease it, but it was a constant feeling in him, coming from so much deeper, it had clawed into the base of his character.

I skipped to the next emotion, to the _pain_. He was hurting. He opened his heart to that woman several times, and he was always rejected, for another man.

Then I withdrew the disappointment and the damaged feelings from him, and I carefully replaced them with self-respect and bravery to help him fight his weaknesses.

And finally, after a time, what felt like an eternity, I got to the roots, and I felt relieved to sense that his every action was motivated by _love_. He was bound to his fellows and to Bella by his love and respect. Deep inside he was a tender and a good guy who found it hard to deal with her rejection.

This was the one and only emotion, which could make him come back. I looked into his eyes, calming him further and I saw that his feelings weren't roaming uncontrollably anymore. He focused on me, his eyes begging for help, his head hanging low, and then he fell on the ground with a loud thud. In the next minute he was phasing back into a human, and he just lied there, in a fetal position, clutching his chest, while his tears were flowing freely down on his face.

"I never wanted to hurt her...," he whispered in torn voice. "I just love her so much that it hurts... to see, that she chose a _cold one _over me... again." His voice halted as loud sobs made his chest shake, but he was stabilized and already healing. He won't snap again soon.

I was drowned in his pain so deeply, that I cringed, when I felt a hot hand on my shoulder.

"You did it," Sam croaked. "You brought him back. I can never thank you enough."

"Actually, you can," I answered calmly as we turned away from Jake, and from the corner of my eye I saw that his friends surrounded him. "I want you to consider letting me come back here, and use that cabin of your wife's, whenever I see it fit."

"I'll consider it," he was dead serious and I just nodded at him, before leaving.

When I was finally on my way back to Forks, I called Emmett.

"Bro, I love you." he grinned on the other end of the call.

"What?" I was shocked.

"You were right to send me to check on Bella," he responded in a heated tone. "Edward was a naughty boy again. We need to punish him," he joked and I felt my lips twitch.

"What did he do this time?" I asked exasperated. I swear, sometimes I felt like I was in kindergarten with all the unstable people around me.

"He tried to show Bella why he isn't able to man up and finally f... have sex with her." He corrected himself, and I closed my eyes for a second, while continuing to drive to her house.

"Don't worry, he just wanted to demonstrate, but I got to him in time." He was proud of himself. I never doubted that he was able to fight Edward. "Of course, there was nothing sexual in his ministrations, as always." God! Emmett didn't know about Jacob's attack.

"Where is Edward now?" I asked impatiently.

"He's sitting in Carlisle's study, being lectured about Gentleman's Behaviour 101," he snickered.

"And Bella?" I couldn't hold back more.

"I think she's already sleeping."

"How did she look?"

"Well, she didn't talk much and she looked... oh," he stopped. Finally, he sensed that something was up. "I focused only on Edward to help him out of her room, before the Chief got home to kick us out. But now, that you are asking... I don't think Bella was that okay."

I parked behind her house, still holding the line.

"I've just arrived, Emmett," I told him quietly, but inside I was raging and howling. "Listen to me. I want you to watch Alice. And don't let Edward leave the house. Don't call me tonight. I'll call you, if something's up."

I slowly made my way up the stairway. The chief was just too predictable to hide the spare key under the stone next to the door.

I was surrounded in the darkness, as I made my way into her room I quietly turned the handle and entered her room. She was quiet and her emotions were void. I thought that she was already sleeping, but then I caught her opened eyes, staring at the ceiling. I called her name, but she didn't even blink.

Her pink tank top was ruffled, exposing her flat stomach. There were already some bruises forming, and I saw Edward's handprint on her ribs. I was so angry at that moment, that I was ready to go back and kill Edward on the spot. My eyes traveled lower, and I felt relieved to see that the gray pajama bottoms were in place, untouched. I just wasn't able to imagine what I would do if he hurt her _that _way.

I got closer and I gently straightened her top and then my fingertips grazed her arm, traveling up to her face, caressing her with soft touches and my dead heart threatened to break looking at her expressionless face.

She looked like a petal of an orchid, so soft and beautiful, ripped from the stem, weak and slowly fading.

I silently begged her and I felt like the walls were starting to close in on me. I scooped her into my arms, and when she finally sensed my presence, her emotions fluttered a bit. She was cold and God help me, she was broken. Edward finished what Jake started. He robbed her of her soul and broke her.

I wiped away her tears, and I blinked away the venom from my own eyes, while soothing and calming her. I whispered calming and loving words to her, slowly caressing her hair and face, cradling her in my lap as if she was a baby. When her hand trembled with effort to touch me, I lifted her and placed her over my own body. I felt a weird satisfaction at the realization, that she still needed me by her side.

She fell asleep a few moments later and I slipped out from under her just to shrug out of my clothes, and in a wink I was back pulling her onto my bare chest. She snuggled closer, inhaling my scent deeply and her lashes fluttered. My fingers caressed her hair gently and I watched her serene pale face, my eyes following the trails of the dried tears on her soft skin.

Have you ever seen a glass vase fall down from the table, breaking into millions of tiny crystals?

I sighed deeply, trying to shut out every self deprecating feeling, and not over think the 'what ifs'. I focused on her instead, closing my eyes, letting sleep take reign over me and her emotions were weak and quivering with exhaustion as they washed over me.


	14. Chapter 14

**I want to thank you my immortal beloved ****vszoke ****for pre reading this chapter and ****mynxi ****the amazing beta who is also happen to be a good friend too.**

Chapter 14

_"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life / from the movie Letters to Juliet/_

JPOV

The next morning I felt strange. First, I didn't wake up at the same time as Bella. There was no change and no shift in her emotions when she left her bed, and I woke up only because she tripped in her shirt lying on the floor.

My first sight, after opening my eyes, fell on her fully stuffed backpack next to the door.

I watched her moving silently around the room. She pulled the drawer out and shuffled between her underwears, until she found the one she was looking for. I heard her heartbeat and her soft breathing. I heard the chief lightly snoring in his bedroom. I heard every small noise she made.

But I was scared still because I couldn't hear or sense any of her emotions.

This fact made me angry again. I still had to deal with Edward. Not to mention Jacob, I owed him a punch in the face. And maybe I should rip his balls off and shove them down his throat, just to prove my point.

I didn't want to leave her bed, which was still warm and carried her sweet scent. I wanted to bathe in her presence, just to be there, and to watch her going through her every day's routines, offering my help, teasing her, doing stuff like humans.

We could just go out and enjoy the sun together. We could do silly things, which make no sense, but it'd be the most important moments for us, because of the simple fact being us together.

We could be rebellious and optimistic.

We could be passionate.

We could be everything.

We could be free.

But that was _before_.

Before a stupid kid lost his control over his hormones and nearly killed her. Before a frustrated, pitiful poor excuse for a vampire made the worst move of his existence. Before all the light left her. Before...

But all we got, was only the _after. _

And I wasn't sure what was happening in her mind.

I watched her exit the bathroom and she didn't even spare a glance into my direction. Like I didn't even existed.

She opened the closet door and dressed behind it, hiding from my sight. When she was ready, she came out dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a white V-neck cardigan. Her silky chocolate brown hair flowed down on her back, moving slowly in soft waves around her shoulder and waist as she made her way to the door. I ached for her. I wanted to bury my hands into her silky locks, inhaling the scent of her skin, kissing her neck softly, luring her back in the bed.

My eyes traveled up and down on her body, involuntarily, and my own body immediately responded to her appearance. I was curious if she felt it.

But the only emotion she radiated was the determination.

It was no good.

"Bella," I called after her. "Where are you going?"

She paused at the door and with a sigh her determination became significant. My insides clenched with the unfamiliar feeling of the fear, as her eyes never met mine.

"I'm going to the kitchen, to eat something. Charlie is going to check the cereal and the milk in the fridge when he'll wake up. Then I'm going to the Newtons'. I promised to come early to help with some stuff." She murmured as in explanation, watching the door in front of her..

"But it's only six in the morning." I muttered and she just shrugged.

She opened the door and without any other word she did as she said. I jumped out from her bed, throwing my clothes on quickly and I was at her in a minute. I stood at the doorjamb, watching her filling a white bowl with cereal and she gasped when I was suddenly next to her, handing her the milk, she was looking for.

She frowned a little, but that was the only reaction I got from her.

She sat down and started to eat absentmindedly. Every motion was slow and more automatic than deliberate. Like she did it thousand times before, just to satisfy the outside world that she was okay.

I took the next chair on the other side of the table. I took in her features, her pale face and lifeless eyes. She was calm on the surface, but then my gaze fell on her trembling lips and quivering hands as she pushed out the hair from her face.

I stretched out my hand and I touched her soft skin and she flinched away from my fingers.

Venom pooled in my eyes and all I felt was pain. I knew why she flinched, and I knew what happened yesterday, but it hurt nevertheless. I felt it deep in my heart, it flooded through my veins and gathered in my eyes.

She looked at me and her eyes bored into mine and a single tear left her eye.

"Don't do this, please." She whispered in torn voice.

"Doing what?" I asked calmly searching her gaze, but she just averted her eyes. An uncomfortable idea popped into my mind but I rejected it.

She shook her head and resumed the eating. She ate agonizingly slowly, ignoring me again.

When she was finished, she put the bowl into the sink, not washing it, just leaving it as an evidence for her dad that she actually put something in her stomach this morning.

I slowly followed her to the front door, where she put on her shoes and grabbed her keys. I knew that she was aware of my presence.

I knew what she was doing with shutting the world out of her mind, trying to forget and to find her peace. She was still the same Bella, who once had to deal with her loss and now she didn't want to go through it again.

I understood that she just wanted to protect herself, and she didn't know any other way.

I knew and understood it, and damn, I sensed it in her emotions, but I refused to accept it.

It was so hard and painful to let her in before. It literally hurt me to accept her presence and company that night at the bar, to open those gates of my soul for her. But she didn't give up, she fought for me, she filled me with joy and hope... And now I was standing there, watching her, being incapable to do or say anything what could stop her decision.

When we were outside, I gently touched her arm, making her stop.

"Bella, talk to me please..." I begged her, my eyes taking in her expression, searching for a sign, for an evidence, that I was wrong.

Her eyes took in the surroundings, the misty morning, and the silent trees, and then she turned hesitantly to me.

"Jasper, I'm sorry, but I'm not able to do this anymore."

"Doing what...?" I lifted her chin with my fingers, holding her gently but firmly, not allowing her to turn away.

"Don't make me say it." She bored her tired eyes into mine, and her emotions fluttered with something what distantly reminded me of devotion and admiration, but it was weak and soon vanished.

"I want you to." The pad of my thumb slowly caressed her jaw line and she leaned into my touch involuntarily. I leaned closer, my lips ghosting over hers. She inhaled sharply, and I felt her warmth surrounding me; I knew that it was right, being us together like this. Her pulse quickened, but she refused to listen to her reaction to me.

"Please." Her chocolate pools looked at me with silent pleas, and she placed her hand softly on my chest, sliding up to my neck, her small fingers making abstract patterns on my skin. "I don't want to hurt you..."

"Then don't." My lips closed the gap between us. Her lips were softer than the rose's leaf on mine. I slowly covered her lips with feather light kisses, letting her feel what I wasn't able to express with the words until her surprised eyes became hazy and finally she closed them.

Her hands started to match my movements and pulled me closer to her body and I let her lead our kiss. She bored her fingers into my hair, setting my skin on fire wherever she touched my neck with her fingertips.

I felt her desperation. She wanted to give me something to remember. I knew why she was doing this. Not only because the passion ignited between us whenever we looked at each other. There was a meaning behind it, something more, like a message, meant only for me.

I gently pulled her closer to my body, while her tongue swept over my lips carefully and hesitantly, and I let out a silent groan.

I tried to listen to her emotions, but she was still guarded, and wounded from the previous night. She didn't want to hurt me, but something was up.

Her pulse throbbed in my ear as our kiss deepened, and her soft breasts hardened at the contact with my chest.

My feelings were on the edge.

_Why was this happening to us?_

With every single touch I begged her for letting me in, showing her everything, every hidden emotion, everything what came out from the depths of my soul. She felt it all. This was my only opportunity to convince her to change her decision. This was the only moment in my existence when I didn't hold back.

_Don't do this to me._

Her tears moistened my face. Her arms rested on my shoulders as she tilted her head slowly, to find a deeper, more intimate angle for our kiss. Her body pulsed with life in my arms, as she gasped into my mouth.

_I need you._

She needed to feel it. I walked through a long path to find her. I wanted her to feel it, how was it like for me.

Escaping the hell called Maria, hoping in something better. Endless years of loneliness searching for something what never came. Living on the streets, feeding on random humans, who just had bad luck to walk into the wrong alley. Being saved by the Cullens, but it was still just a next level of loneliness.

_I finally found you._

My lips left her mouth and I kissed her jawline softly, inhaling her scent. She clutched my shirt as she started to respond with her emotions. She started to speak about those empty years of being lonely. About hopes, never fulfilled. About dreams never coming true.

_I can't offer you anything, but myself._

Her hot breath tickled my skin and she panted lightly as our emotions talked for us.

I let her see, how I felt, how I _truly _felt after me attacking her. The guilt. The sorrow. The loss.

Her emotions spoke about waking up every day just to satisfy the world around. To keep the facade of life, but she was dead inside. She spoke about second chances which never brought her back to life.

I told her about finding the first true passion of my existence which ended with attacking her, because I never knew any other way of expressing my emotions, just hiding and suppressing.

Or raging with bloodlust.

She spoke about her feelings, neglected and turned down, always hiding and rejecting her own true needs. Putting everyone in front of her. Trying to stay invisible. Until I saw her and her blood awakened her deepest emotions within me. And I ruined everything.

Every kiss of mine was begging her for her forgiveness. Every returned touch assured me of being forgiven. Thanking me for being there for her. Thanking for a second of living a true life.

I knew what she was doing. I felt it.

_This was the goodbye._

The goodbye of something what never had a chance to bloom. Not even to start.

She slowly released my shirt and when our lips parted I looked in her eyes. I gently wiped away her tears. She caressed my face, wiping away my unshed tears.

And then, without a word, she went to her truck, and I had to smile at the sight of the ugly piece of metal, remembering how did every single member of this town hate this truck, and I already missed it.

She threw her backpack on the seat next to her, and she started the engine.

When the motor roared to life, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"She has a lot to deal with, son." His gentle tone nearly brought me to my knees. This was the first time that someone pitied me.

I tried to remain calm, but my hands trembled and my lips quievered.

"I can't believe that this is the end."

"She'll come around when she's ready, Jasper. She's had too much to deal with today. Let her mind protect itself." Carlisle said in soothing tone.

"I don't know what to do." I answered feeling numb and void.

"Let's go home."

I stood there still frozen.

She left.

.

**Have faith in me, please? I hate the tragedies, I'm devoted to HEAs. **

**Please, if you liked it, leave a review.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Discl: I own nothing.**

**Thanks to: my immortal beloved pre-reader ****vszoke****, and the amazing ****mynxi**** who was so kind to beta this chapter for me. **

Chapter 15

Somewhere a clock was ticking. It was the sound I was getting used to wake up lately.

I opened my eyes feeling tired already. I took in my surroundings to find a one single reason to untuck my numb hand from beneath my head. As always my gaze fell on the clock.

The clockhand made it's path, going around in slow, merciless circles. No stopping and no hesitating, just the endless, lonely time.

The wall needed painting. The furniture begged for a proper dusting.

Charlie's office was ugly and shouted for cleaning.

This was the twelfth night I spent in my dad's office. He was never at home and now I saw why. When he wasn't taking the night shifts he was constantly working on the computer. He slept at home while I was working at Newton's.

The FBI showed an interest in the disappearance of some tourists again and since it happened repeatedly they considered coming to investigate. Charlie ordered everyone at the police station to go over every file of possible suspects. He looked over the evidence and photos for long hours, searching for something that could help.

I knew who killed those people, but I couldn't say a word. Not that he asked. He treated me like I was a child again, tiptoeing around me like he was walking on eggshells. There was fear in his eyes again and I knew that I didn't fool him with my feigned calm.

My days always followed the same path.

I woke up to the agonizing pain in my chest and in my head. I slowly sipped my coffee in the small kitchen of the police station, trying to ignore the hateful stares of the people there. All of them thought the same thing and they were right. I was selfish and stupid. But I still couldn't act differently.

At seven in the morning, I went to Newton's, working overtime, doing everything just to prolong my staying there since it was the only place where I actually did something. Mrs Newton watched me with suspicion, ready to fire me the second she caught me acting like a zombie. Surprisingly, I tried to stay normal because of her. We even chatted about... well, I couldn't really say later what our conversations were about, but I guess the main theme was something about cooking and Mike who was the apple of his mommy's eye.

After work, I went home to take a shower. Then I'd take care of simple things like shopping or doing the laundry. Afterwards, I'd return to the police station to spend the night on the couch in Charlie's office.

Sometimes my cell rang but I never bothered with answering. I didn't care who was looking for me and I really didn't want to know why someone was calling me. My cell stayed quiet for several days and I felt almost happy that no one wanted to talk to me anymore. Later, I found out that it needed to be charged.

I told Charlie that I broke up with Edward and though I saw the questions in his eyes, he never asked for the details. I wanted to tell him about it, but whenever I opened my mouth to speak the horrific images started to pop up in my brain and I couldn't tell him anything.

I never felt safe anymore.

I tried to leave Forks, to leave everything behind, to forget everything, even if it meant that I needed to forget _him._

But, when I passed the sign with the town's name I felt so abandoned and alone that I had to pull the truck over. Loud sobs threatened to rip my heart out of my chest, my arms and legs shook like I was having a seizure. The voice in my head was so weak and so sad, repeating the same words but I couldn't decipher them. I was afraid that if I tried to understand them, I'd lose it completely.

So I slept. Oh, how I loved sleeping, since I tried to leave that morning!

In my dreams there were no obligations towards anyone.

No questions.

No accusing eyes.

Nothing, just him.

Jasper. His words and gestures were burned deep in my brain.

There were nights when my mind decided to torture me and I dreamt about his smile. In my dreams he was always so happy and carefree that sometimes he looked almost human. I realized that he never smiled before.

And when I couldn't sleep and my mind was occupied with listing my standard obligations, and I recalled some events from the past two years.

When I first saw them in the cafeteria I only had eyes for Edward. I saw the rest of the family as well, but never thought about their stares further. They looked so young and beautiful that in my awe I never, never thought about the intensity of Jasper's stare. Or what that meant.

Later, Edward explained that Jasper was the weakest link of the family, who needed to be constantly protected and saved from his bloodlust.

Like he was somehow disabled. It answered my questions of why he stayed behind.

I accepted it and I tried to avoid him after he refused to shake my hand during introductions.

Again, there was Alice, always helpful with her explanations of Jasper's difficulties with touching a human.

I never thought about these things further, since I had to struggle with my own frustrations and my barely working relationship with Edward.

There was everything displayed right under my nose.

The meaningful stares between Edward and Alice. Explanations served on a silver platter, simple cliches like they were just checking Jasper's bloodlust and so on. Like he wasn't anything but a walking time bomb, ready to explode in every second.

Why did Alice bring me back from Volterra then? Jasper could have handled the situation much better than me. His ability matched Jane's, if not stronger, considering that he could project every kind of emotions not just pain like Jane.

Why was I brought there? Nothing made sense to me anymore. Maybe Alice wanted me to die there.

What were they hiding from me? What were all those cryptic exchanges between them?

Why was it so important for Jasper to talk to me, crossing every line? I still didn't get my answer from him. So many things happened since he decided to make his first move towards me and now everything seemed to click in the right place.

Why was I so important for him? I knew that it wasn't just his overwhelming bloodlust. There was more.

Who was Jasper Whitlock really? We never got to the point to talking about things like this.

I woke up always feeling more and more confused. A piece of the puzzle to complete the picture was missing.

I didn't know who to ask.

And then, after two weeks of being distant, I found Charlie towering over me. I was curled up on his couch, an opened book slipping from my hand as I drifted to sleep.

"Bells, I called Dr. Cullen to check on you," he started hesitantly.

"Why?" I felt a little dizzy and yawned.

"You don't look well."

"But I'm eating properly, Dad." I was surprised.

"Look at yourself."

I already knew how I looked. Maybe I hadn't lost weight but I knew that Charlie saw my constantly trembling hands. He saw my haunted expression whenever I had to leave the police station. His instincts told him that something was up; and he was right.

"I'm okay, Dad." I tried to smile but failing poorly.

"No, you are not. Tell me what happened to you the day you broke up with Edward."

Oh. That day.

"Why? I told you I broke up with him."

"And what about Jake?"

"W-who?"

"You heard me."

"What about him?"

"You tell me."

"I don't know what you want to know."

"Look, Bells, I was at the reservation today because they had a problem with a raging grizzly bear."

"A what...?" My lips twitched.

"A bear. It seems that animal is responsible for the disappearances. When I arrived, Sue Clearwater told me that they called the Cullen boy to handle the situation. Don't ask me how he was going to do it, because they were very cryptic about the situation, like always." The quieleutes were hiding their secrets all too well. He went back to his desk. "But it seems that we can close the case which is good. We don't want the FBI here."

He definitely caught my attention.

"Which 'Cullen boy' did they call?" I despised myself that I still cared.

"That blonde one. Jasper, I think that's his name, which is weird because he looks so harmless. I swear, sometimes I have a feeling that he is on Prozac or on something similar. He is too calm and silent. I hope Doctor Cullen knows what to do with him," he sighed. "It seems that money or not, people have the same problems with their kids."

I chuckled and I ultimately was stunned. Charlie never joked like this. Like he was trying to cheer me up because...

Because he was hiding something.

"Okay Dad, you warmed me up enough. What do you want to tell me?"

"I-" He halted and looked around nervously. "Shit, I was never good at this. You should call your mother to talk about it."

"About what?" I watched him with wide eyes. "Dad, talk to me!"

"I saw Jake," he said warily. "He said he kissed you and things didn't go well between the two of you." I remained silent. "He asked me to tell you that he's sorry."

My throat was suddenly dry and I felt the overwhelming urge to scream.

"Do you-" To say that he felt uncomfortable was a poor understatement. "Did he do something to you?"

"That's why you called Doctor Cullen?" I asked, and he exhaled in relief that he didn't have to go through this conversation.

He nodded hesitantly.

"Dad, what do you think about what Jake and I were doing?" I narrowed my eyes.

"I just hope that you guys are taking precautions and... ," he trailed off.

"What? Do you think I broke up with Edward because of something I did with Jake?" I asked with disbelief.

"Well it's just... It's just as embarrassing for me as it is for you."

"Oh my God, Dad?" I tried to suppress my laugh. "Don't worry about me. I'm a virgin."

"Okay, okay." He avoided my gaze and his cheeks turned red in embarrassment. "Glad we covered that. But I still want you to talk to Doctor Cullen."

.

That afternoon I went to Carlisle's office in the hospital. It was much easier than I thought.

If it was on purpose or not, Carlisle was the best choice for me to talk about the things happened. Maybe they knew that I wouldn't accept anyone else from the family. Maybe it was a coincidence and they didn't care about me anymore.

Maybe they did the same thing as me; tried to shut out the memories and not overthink the situation.

It made me feel more wretched.

I was thankful that I could meet Carlisle on a neutral ground since I didn't know what to expect from him.

Sitting in the examining room, I was nervously fidgeting while waiting for him to come in. What did he know? What was his opinion? Was he angry with me?

Judging me?

And then the door opened and he walked in. I had to blink at his unusual beauty coming into my view. For a second it squeezed my heart with remorse that I was nothing to the Cullens anymore.

We greeted each other like two strangers. He went to his desk, checking my blood test results. I was sure that he'd heard my speeding heart rate and quickening breath but he didn't show it.

He went through my examination without a word, just asking me to lift my arm, to read the smallest letters and so on. He was distant and clinical, a perfect doctor.

When I pulled my hoodie over my head after he finished, I plopped down on a chair and waited for him to say something.

He turned his golden orbs at me and stared at me for what felt like an eternity. My heart sank.

"It seems that you are a little anaemic, Bella. Other than that, you are healthy and strong," he said softly. "How are you doing?"

"I'm..." I trailed off. How was I doing? I didn't know anymore. Maybe I was sad and mourning. I should've felt abandoned and disappointed.

But I could feel nothing, yet.

A part of me was still standing on that road where Jake tried to kill me.

Another part of me was looking in Edward's coal black eyes with horror.

But my biggest part was walking on the beach all day long. There was a constant sunset and the seagulls and the waves of the ocean were pretty loud but it was the tranquility I needed. I smiled and waved to a distant figure who was coming closer with every step until I saw rays of the setting sun on his blond curls.

Maybe it was just an aftershock; maybe I was going to loose my mind.

How was I doing? I opened my mouth to tell him that-

"Don't tell me that you are fine." He interrupted me and this was the first time I witnessed Carlisle being upset. "I'm not buying that crap." Wow, Carlisle Cullen's cursing.

My heart skipped a beat and I kept quiet.

"Is there anything you want to ask me?" he asked, gentler after a few seconds of silence when he saw that I wouldn't open up to him this way.

"How are you doing, Carlisle?"

"I'm anything but fine, Bella." He walked to the window, his hands clasped behind his back. "I try to keep my family together and I'm failing again and again."

My eyes burned holes into his back.

"Do you know why I left the Volturi?" he asked all of a sudden. "I felt like I was suffocating while trying to live up to the expectations of the vampire royalty. I was safe and protected. _I was the law_. But then I just couldn't do it anymore. There was no clue in my life. Wherever I looked there was only death surrounding me. I couldn't live watching people die anymore. I had to overstep the boundaries given by my existence. I had to do something and to know that people feel better because I exist."

_Did people feel better because I existed?_

Maybe a bullet in my head would solve the problem of my stupidity.

"I see you are trying to escape reality. I guess it was the same when we all left. But we stayed here now and you don't seem to be any better." His words were slowly penetrating the thick fog around my feelings. "We are here to help make things better but you cut out the whole world around you."

Jumping off the cliff? This time I could succeed.

"Bella please," he sighed. "I don't want to be your father. I just want to love you as a member of my family. You can talk to me about everything."

Or maybe I should cut my wrists.

"Why don't you ask me how's Jasper doing?" He bored his steely gaze into mine.

Or...

What? My whole body reacted at the sound of Jasper's name. He had all of my attention now.

But how did Carlisle know about Jasper?

"You wanted to say Edward's name..." I stuttered.

"Edward's doing fine and if not he'll get better," he snapped. "He needs to face the outcome of his wrong decisions but this time I won't let him fall. Esme and I are there for him and that's all he needs right now, to feel our support and love."

An awkward silence surrounded us again. I tried to form the question but I couldn't ask him what I wanted to know the most.

He waited for a few seconds more and when I still wasn't able to express my question, he slapped his notebook shut and stood up.

"I think we are done, Bella. Here, take your precriptions and make sure that you drink enough water because you are a little dehydrated, too."

With that he was at the door in a wink not bothering with human speed.

His words started to move something within me.

I could try to make things better. With Charlie. With everyone.

Maybe there was some hope left for me too.

To live a life worth living. Not just existing and surviving like I did until now.

I knew how to start.

And for the first time in my pitiful existence I knew _where _to start.

"Wait," I said in a weak and shaky voice.

.

.

.

**See, I didn't drag their separation time through long chapters... hope you liked it. **

**And if it's not too much to ask, don't judge Bella... maybe you remember those times**** when you tried to survive a horrible break up... **

**Thank you for reading. Please, be good and leave a review.**

**If you believe in God, send a prayer for a good friend of mine who's going through a difficult time in her RL. Thank you.**


	16. Chapter 16

Discl: The usual.

Special thanks go to my pre-reader and immortal beloved vszoke and to my amazing friend and beta mynxi.

Song:

Rob Dougan - Clubbed To Death

JPOV

"_To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."_

Chapter 16

Letting Carlisle take me away from that yard was like admitting the biggest defeat in my whole existence. He whispered soothing words to me that made no sense. Like he was talking to a child.

He walked me back to the Cullen mansion and all the way his arm was around my back and shoulder like he was afraid that I'd break out of his hold and do something stupid. I knew that I should sense his emotions, but... God, I was tired.

_I needed Bella to lull me into a peaceful sleep._

My eyes roamed the misty woods trying to find my way... anywhere. There was no home and there wasn't a place waiting for me in this world. For a second I believed I found it... but my faith decided to pay me back for all of my sins and mistakes.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Carlisle's words finally, slowly penetrated my fogged thoughts.

_I wanted to tell Bella about it._

I watched him with an empty stare and I made an effort to show him my emotions and... nothing happened. His face remained serene and unaffected.

"You don't feel it?" I asked with disbelief.

"Jasper," he said patiently. "After sixty years of living in the same household are you seriously asking me how I managed to defend myself against your ability?" He smiled at me suddenly opening his gates of emotions, to shower me with all the love and understanding he felt towards me all those years, in one second. I closed my eyes while letting his emotions flow over me and this time I let them affect me, not pushing them away.

"I never suspected it," I mumbled taken aback, staring at him. "But how do you do it?"

He shrugged.

"Exactly the same way I'm able to suppress my thirst when I'm at work, I guess."

"Why?" I was so confused.

"Once I was watching you, how long you were able to go on without speaking." He paused before continuing, "You went without speaking for four months."

My eyes widened in surprise. I never suspected that someone was watching my lack of verbal communication. Most of the time, I was thankful that Alice filled the silence with her constant chatting.

"I want you to speak for yourself," Carlisle continued. "I don't need the emotions you can manipulate. I want to hear your words. _You_ need to hear those words, too."

We walked in silence for several minutes until I collected my thoughts.

"There's not much to tell," I started finally. I glanced at him but he just studied the woods around us. His eyes, so wise and thorough slowly turned to me letting me feel him. He was afraid that I'd shut down completely if he'd overstep boundaries, I didn't have anymore.

"Jasper, I'm sorry if I'm pushing you," he said apologetically.

I fished for a cig in my pockets and when I found the package of my beloved Marlboro's he asked for one too. I raised my brow but never asked. After all of those decades of sharing the common faith, I guess there were things we still didn't know about the leader of our coven.

"You asked me where to begin. But the only thing I know is where I failed," I started and I definitely had his attention right now.

"Let me guess, this is not only about Bella."

"No, it wasn't. But it is, now. Though, too late." I took a long drag from the cig, not being able to erase the ire from my tone. "But if I tell you the truth, I'm afraid your next step is going to be a call to the royalty or execute me personally."

He looked at me sharply.

"It can't be that bad. There's always a hope, Jasper. For everyone," he whispered, taking a long drag from his cig.

"I can assure you that it is _that_ bad." We stopped at the clearing. "I almost told Bella that her moments with Edward were watched by all of us."

Silence.

"Not enough," he said.

"I slipped. Eight times."

"I know." There was a challenge in his eyes.

"I hate Alice so much that I fight the urge of killing her every second I see her."

"Go on."

I looked at him trying to find out his strategy. But there was just an endless understanding and encouragement and nothing else on his face or in his emotions.

"I'm in love with Bella." God, how I felt relieved to say it out loud.

"You see, this is the first piece of important information you've told me about yourself, yet,." He smirked. "How long?"

"Two years. The first day I saw her."

"You never said a word," he said finally. "You kept Edward's bloodlust in check all the time. You watched them being happy together. You even agreed to assist him when he tried to kiss her."

There was no need to deny it.

"It had to hurt."

"Thanks for helping," I sneered, throwing away the stub just to light the next cig immediately.

"I'm not saying this to cut deeper into your wounds. I just think that there's a suppuration that needs to be cleaned."

"Thanks, doc," I said flatly.

"I don't like that you act like a firewall, Jasper. I'm here to help and not to judge. If you don't want to talk about it, fine."

"I never talked to anyone about this," I said finally.

"You can talk now." He took a long drag from his cig.

"Too late."

"It's never too late. I'm here for you."

I looked in his eyes in waiting his next move.

"You said it wasn't only about Bella."

"Correct. It's complicated and if I tell you everything, I'm signing my death sentence with it."

"Why, Jasper?"

"Because, I'm the first on the list of those whom the royalty tries to find and eliminate."

There was no surprise in his eyes.

"You knew it." It wasn't a question.

He nodded.

"I've known it for thirty years now."

I blinked.

"And you never reported me to them?"

"Jasper, you really don't see yourself clearly. You are a hero in the eyes of those who never had a chance against the Volturi." There was a marvel in his eyes. "I lived with them and I know how lethal they are. I was living with the Volturi when you escaped Maria who was their personal killing machine and they swore to kill you. But they never found you."

I was taken aback and totally confused.

"Your escaping gave me the courage to leave the Volturi," he said devotedly, and to say that my jaw hit the ground was the poorest understatement of the century. What the...

"I never forgot the second I first saw you, covered in human blood, clinging to Alice like a child. I never imagined that it could be you," he sighed. "You seemed to be so lost and harmless. Then, after a decade of not being able to put two sentences together, you slowly started to open to all of us. I can never be thankful enough Esme for not giving up loving you."

I swallowed the lump in my throat while listening to his words.

"Maria was banished and the whole empire was shattered because of your disappearance, by the way."

"Carlisle, I was just a fucked up hitman of hers and a lucky bastard to escape. Why would she have been banished because of me?" I asked, feeling perplexed.

"Because you weren't just anyone. You were the one she fell in love with, but what's worse she taught you all those tricks a vampire never should know about killing his own kind."

"What are you talking about?"

"That you were chosen and specially trained to defeat and conquer, the Volturi. No one ever survived Maria's exquisite training methods, except of you. She had big hopes with you. But when you were ready, you escaped."

"She never talked about it. I thought she wanted me to control her newborns." The memory of her cruel ways, forcing me to obey her made me shudder.

"The Volturi was watching you. Maria got through their lines and when everything was ready to attack them, all of a sudden, you disappeared. They sent their guards all over the world to find you." There was a distant look in his eyes. "But no one ever imagined that the lost boy Esme and I took under our wings, could be you."

"Why don't you tell them where I am?" I asked calmly.

"You want me to?"

"Maybe." The memory of Bella's tears was on my mind again.

"I don't think so. You survived Maria. There needs to be some purpose behind it."

"Are you speaking about God?"

"If you put it that way then yes. I'm talking about God's ways."

"But I'm nothing more than a killer."

"You are a person, first of all," he corrected me. "A person who loves and is loved in return."

My chest hurt. My head hurt. I wanted to get it over with.

"Let's go home." This time it was me who said it. Carlisle nodded and I was glad that he didn't push me more.

"Emmett and Rose went to keep an eye on her," he said when he sensed my anxiety.

When we were close to the Cullen mansion, I caught Alice's voice in the air.

"Thank God that I remember nothing of being human. She's so pathetic."

"And I was okay with her, not caring even if she had a third eye and webbed feet," Edward said with remorse in his voice.

I frowned at Carlisle but he just shrugged. He wasn't surprised.

Edward and Alice sensed our presence and their conversation stopped.

"I'm going to play on my piano," he said stiffly and I rolled my eyes.

Carlisle went to the library when we entered the house and I made my way to the room I shared with Alice.

I grabbed my old backpack, throwing some pieces of clothes in there.

"What are you doing, Jazzy?"

I didn't bother with looking at Alice.

"I bet you saw it already," I bit out, grabbing my favourite books about the Civil War.

"Why are you leaving me?" She tried it another way.

I decided to not beat around the bush.

"Because I hate you," I said flatly.

"Jazz... please. I love you." She tried.

Now I turned to her, looking at her sharply.

"Lying about your emotions to an empath doesn't show too much intelligence, Alice."

She was ashamed.

"I want you to stay. We can make things right."

"You know that I'm going to leave no matter what."

She stomped her foot against the floor.

"It's not fair." She pouted. "I won't allow you to leave."

I quirked my brow.

"And exactly how do you think you are going to stop me?"

"I call some help."

With that Edward appeared at the door with a knowing smile.

"Okay, let's get over with it. You think that you're seeing my next decision and Edward's monitoring my thoughts is actually enough to stop me?" I asked curiously.

Her smile faded a little at my lack of fear.

"Yes," she said finally.

I looked around the room and I had to smile realizing that there was nothing important left behind. Everything I needed fit into one single backpack. Sixty years with this coven. And my bag wasn't even full.

"I'm leaving, Alice. I'm happy that you made me sign our divorce papers a year ago. It means that there's no law binding us together anymore," I said somewhat smugly.

Both of them were standing in the door trying to look intimidating.

"Let me go," I said in a low tone.

"No."

"I said, let me go, Alice."

"And I said that you are not going anywhere."

My eyes shifted to Edward who stood there with a neutral expression on his face but inside he was smug.

"You are not letting me go?" I asked patiently as if trying to make sure that I heard her correctly.

They watched me. Carlisle was going to leave the library downstairs. I turned my attention to him and the door was shut in his face. He tried to open the door but it was like he hadn't enough strength to do it. He could defend himself against my emotional impact but maybe there were other tricks up my sleeve he didn't know about.

Back with Maria I had to control at least two dozen newborns at the same time so I developed a power to withdraw their will from their emotions. They were completely useless and helpless because they couldn't bring themselves to do anything when I started to control them this way.

Now Carlisle felt the same. I needed him to stay where he was at this moment.

It was time to let them to take a glimpse on the Major.

"Stay where you are, Carlisle," I said calmly.

He wasn't able to fight me.

I turned my attention at Edward.

"Step aside, Edward." My voice was deadly quiet.

"I can tell what are you thinking, Jasper." He smirked. "You can't stop me."

He took a step closer.

I narrowed my eyes and pushed him out of my mind.

"What the..." He was confused and the corners of his eyes tightened. When I was sure that he couldn't hear my thoughts, I praised Bella for learning this gift from her.

Bella.

I needed to do this right, for her. And for myself.

"Stay out of my head, Edward. Period," I warned him, grabbing my backpack. "Now let me go."

He looked at Alice with a confused expression.

"I can still see your future, Jazz."

"My name is Jasper, Alice." They didn't have a slightest clue about the power I held.

They took a few tentative steps into the room.

"I just really want to go. There's no need to fight," I said, offering peace for the last time.

They monitored each others decisions and thoughts. I felt that Alice was talking to him with her thoughts and I fought to suppress a smirk. They were so predictable.

It was time to draw the lines. First, I calmed Carlisle and Esme in the library. They tried to fight against it but after a few seconds they accepted that my power was stronger than theirs and sat down on the couch.

Then I turned my attention to Alice, while making Edward stay in the place.

"Jas, what's happening to me?" she stuttered as several emotions started to swirl within her.

"I'm just giving you back your precious emotions you presented me during our life together," I said in bored tone. "Your pity. Despise. I never thought that there was going to be an opportunity for payback for everything you did to me. Your manipulating me. Lying about your visions to everyone. Trapping me. Tricking me. Knowing that I was going to slip, and not warning me. Eight times, Alice. The pain of those people people dying in my arms."

"I thought that it was for your own good to learn from your own experiences." She couldn't stand the look in my eyes and she trembled under the impact of all those painful emotions.

"I took eight lives. Because you decided to teach me a lesson."

"It was your decision." She lifted her chin. I raised my brow.

"As Edward's suicide was his decision. And you still went to save him without hesitation. By the way, why did you tell Rose about your vision of Bella's dying? You know, that one when she jumped off the cliff?" As I said it, Edward finally gave up trying to get into my head and surprise washed over him.

"Because... because..."

"Because you hoped that they'd kill her." It was finally out.

Edward looked at Alice with disbelief.

"You said you brought her to Volterra because she was the only one who could get to me," he said slowly, putting the pieces of puzzle together.

"Edward, don't believe what Jasper says."

There was a heavy silence as everyone in the house tried to process what they learned.

"And what about the day when James attacked Bella?" I asked with interest. "I was there with you and Bella in that damned hotel room for days. I never caused any harm to her. You knew what was going to happen. And you let her escape to face James alone."

Edward gasped and both he and Carlisle fought to get free of my power. I was glad that Alice couldn't feel the despise and anger they aimed at her.

Hell, she deserved to feel it.

She cried out when I redirected their emotions at her.

"Jasper what are you doing?" She cradled her head in between her hands. "It hurts! You can't possibly hate me this much."

"These emotions are coming from Edward and Carlisle, my dear, not from me. I'm just a channel to make you feel how great of a person they think you are," I said quietly.

"Please, stop it!" she begged, and her eyes welled up with venom. My eyes darted at Edward who watched her with a terrified expression.

I decided that she had enough for the time being.

"I want you to be honest with me from now on." I placed the backpack on the floor folding my arms tightly across my chest.

"I'll tell you everything you want to know," she sobbed, and then fell to her knees when I withdrew Carlisle's and Edward's emotions from her. She looked exhausted.

"Let's talk about Bella's birthday."

"It was an accident, Jasper, no one blames you for it."

"How did you know how to unravel the monster in me?' I asked narrowing my eyes at her.

"W-what?" she stuttered.

"You heard me." While talking, I let Carlisle and Esme leave the library and they appeared behind Edward's back who was able to move again. "Don't you dare to lie to me about this, Alice. I felt you. Somehow you gathered the bloodlust of everyone in that room throwing it at me. How did you do it?"

"I don't know what you are talking about." She lifted her chin with confidence.

She turned to walk away and I raised my brow. The next second she fell on the floor, writhing in pain, screaming and clutching her stomach.

Edward's eyes widened as he heard Alice's thoughts. He recalled the moment when it was actually he who felt the same kind of pain on the cold tiles in front of the Volturi.

"How do you..." He halted turning his gaze at me.

"Jane is a very good teacher, don't you think?" I asked casually, though Alice's screech was disturbing us a little while talking. "Once you meet her you never forget the effect of her smile."

"Please, stop torturing her!" Esme cried out, her eyes begging me for mercy.

Her emotions were fragile and shaky. I couldn't forget what Carlisle told me about her in the woods. She never gave up with me.

I let Alice stand up and I grabbed my backpack again.

I walked out of the room passing them, but Edward's hand on my shoulder stopped me.

"Brother, where are you going?" he asked warmly. I shrugged his hand from my shoulder.

"Oh, I nearly forgot to give you this." And with that I punched him with so much power that he flew across the room and landed on his ass, crushing the virginal bed of ours in the process. I took a step closer, forbidding the others to move who tried to stop me from behind.

"What are you doing, Jasper?" he asked through gritted teeth as I stopped and crouched in front of him.

"Don't you dare touch Bella again, _brother," _I seethed, creating the illusion of cracking bones for him and I saw his limbs twitching in pain but he didn't start screaming like Alice.

He was a man after all, though a very fucked up version of a man, but still.

I recalled the illusion of brain vessels' popping. I remembered the agony when Zafrina demonstrated the power of this kind of illusion on me and I decided to add it to my gift for Edward, just to prove my point.

I waited until he let out a loud scream and I let the illusions fade. Zafrina warned me that a vampire truly could lose his mind if these kind of illusions lasted more than a few seconds.

With that I stood up watching Edward touch his arm in wonder that his bones were never broken. His eyes flashed to mine and we watched each other intently.

"I want you to never forget this, Edward. If you talk to her whenever in the future, I won't hesitate to make you lose your mind, brother. Forget that you ever met Bella. Don't think about her. Don't look at her. Don't ever make an effort to come close to her. Believe me, I will know," I said slowly, emphasizing every word making sure that he heard it. "Nod, if you understand."

He nodded his head and I fought the urge to smirk.

"Glad we can agree on one thing at least. If it wasn't for Carlisle and Esme, I wouldn't hesitate to kill you for what you did to that poor girl for the last two years. You call me a monster but I never left her. I never forced her to deny her feelings and needs. I made only one fucking mistake with her and all of you blamed me for that," I said in strained voice to all of them. "I don't fit here. I never did."

"Do you want to hunt humans again?" Esme asked with fear.

I watched her trembling lips. My first urge was to ease her pain with my ability.

"I'm talking about the mentality of your coven, Esme. The things we never talk about because it would scratch the perfect surface on the image of the perfect family."

"Please, don't say things like that," she begged me.

I couldn't bear it anymore. I went to hug her and Carlisle. There were no words needed. He knew where I'd go from here.

Sixty years of sharing a common faith.

I left without looking back.

And I felt free.

.

Parking my SUV behind the cabin I was about enter the house when a sudden pain stabbed my chest and I fell to my knees, gasping and fighting for air. Something was happening to Bella. Venom welled up in my eyes and I clutched my t-shirt on my chest trying to fight with the pain.

My spirit was lost. She made an effort to leave. To leave me. To live without me.

I couldn't offer her anything else just myself.

And it wasn't enough.

The tension from the last few decades left my body as I laid there, unable to move. My legs weren't strong enough to move; my fingers were useless. I was a foot away from the door and yet I found it hard to crawl to the house.

But what was the point of it? I never needed the comfort of a house. I never needed a pillow or a shelter above my head. I was a living dead person so why put any effort into anything?

I crawled up to the first stair and somehow managed to sit down, my gaze lost in the dance of neverending waves.

_When you can live forever, what do you live for?_

The sun came out and fell to the ocean several times. The wolves circled me watching me with curiosity from time to time.

I watched the waves thinking about her coming closer to me with every step she made towards me. I could clearly picture her footprints on the humid sand of the beach. I saw the the wind playing with her hair. She wore nothing, just my white button up.

I smiled at her image slowly approaching me.

Her smile... I sobbed in agonizing pain sometimes.

I just had to have a bad luck even with my nature. I was angry with myself that I wasn't suicidal like Edward. To piss off the wolves would be easy and they'd kill me instantly.

"Son..." I felt a hand on my shoulder on the twelfth day of my being there. It felt like an hour had passed. "Sam called me."

I waited.

"There's a raging grizzly in the woods."

"They can handle it."

"The wolves are on the treaty lines. Victoria's keeping them busy these days."

I slowly stood up.

"Where?"

"In the clearing."

"You may go now," I said authoritatively. I didn't care that he was my superior for years.

The grizzly wasn't the easiest kill. It was actually Emmett's speciality, he loved to pick a fight with them. For me, it was just an incovenience.

The smell of the blood was overwhelming all around. I looked at the animal but it wasn't bleeding yet. My instincts took over and I closed my eyes for a brief second to locate the source.

I opened my eyes to the grizzly launching at me. I fell back on my ass without grace from the impact, but I was on my feet in a second again. Grabbing the neck of the animal, I forced it to the ground and I bit into his throat. The warm blood hit my taste buds and I drank greedily. The last two weeks were too long without feeding.

But that particular scent kept lingering in the air. The animal struggled to get himself out of my hold and then I saw her.

My innocent, beautiful Bella was standing twenty feet away from me. I took in her beauty; her tired eyes and trembling lips. The grizzly sensed her presence as well and using my distraction he went for Bella.

Everything seemed to go in a slow motion.

My gaze fell to her hands, she was bleeding. Knowing her, she scratched her hand against a bush.

My mind went blank at the sweet scent of her blood.

My muscles tensed, preparing my body for the attack.

My eyes turned black.

I was a monster.

And I went for the kill.


	17. Chapter 17

My pre reader vszoke and my wonderful betas, mynxi and tiffaninichole made this chapter readable.

Chapter 17

"A greater power than we can contradict

Hath thwarted our intents."

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

.

.

After talking to Carlisle, I felt much better, like several gates of suppressed emotion had opened within me.

While driving to the reservation, I was thinking about all of the mistakes I had made during my short life. Wrong decisions, bad moves, surreal expectations... Edward. How could I have given him two years of my life? How could I have been naïve enough to think that I really was important to him? Everything was always about him, about his expectations and dreams.

I should have stayed away from the Cullens. I shouldn't have trusted Alice. It was a little weird from the beginning, with her insisting that we were going to be best friends. I let her push me around, make me do things that I didn't really want to do and it was all my fault.

I couldn't blame them for everything because I was the one who didn't stop all of the madness unraveling around me.

But one thing was for sure, Jasper would never be a mistake.

I was a fool for waiting so long to admit it. Fool enough that Carlisle had to talk some sense into me.

Being an outsider wasn't an option anymore.

I parked my truck next to his SUV behind the cabin and tried the door, but I felt that he wasn't there. The air wasn't vibrating with his power and I could feel no emotion coming from the house.

Then I heard it, the roar of a grizzly.

I didn't know what was I thinking when I decided to follow the sound to a clearing in the forest. The only thing I knew for sure was that I couldn't stand _not_ seeing him. Making my way up the hill, holding onto bushes and twigs and anything else that kept me from falling, I paid no attention to the stinging pain in my right hand when I tripped and brushed my hand against a thorn.

Breathing heavily I finally conquered the distance separating us. I walked between the trees, feeling his power become increasingly stronger and stopped at the end of the clearing.

There he was, in his masculine beauty. Golden hair surrounding his gorgeous features. Strong arms hardly contained in a grey t-shirt.

He was paying no attention to me. All of his energy was focused on the grizzly in front of him, waiting to attack.

The dead black eyes of the bear turned to me and that was the moment when Jasper realized my presence. Losing his focus, his head snapped in my direction. The bear launched himself at me and Jasper caught him. The animal furiously attacked him, and I wanted to close my eyes, to shut the world out, but I had to watch that lethal dance between them. It was a ferocious fight and I knew that Jasper was weakened due to my being there.

I felt the bloodlust that he fought to hold back.

I wanted to run but was afraid. I stood and watched in horror as he struggled with the beast. There was blood everywhere- in his hair, on his face, shirt, and arms.

Seeing Jasper in his true form- blood stained clothes, vicious sharp teeth sinking into the bear's throat- he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. The animal struggled even in death. I watched as Jasper broke its neck.

There he remained, standing over the corpse of the corpse and refusing to look at me.

"Jasper," I whispered his name. I felt him shutting down like he did before in Seattle.

"Go. Away," he said loud enough for me to hear.

"Please... don't push me away."

"Bella," his jaw clenched. "You need to run."

"No."

"I'm going to kill you." His muscles tensed up, hands tightening into fists.

"I know."

He turned his black eyes to me and with a growl he walked towards me.

I was so happy to finally be here, seeing him, feeling him all around me. My heart was filled with devotion, remembering all of the things he'd done for me.

There was remorse and grief in his emotions, knowing that this was the last thing he was going to do.

Sam and Paul appeared at the other side of the clearing, watching Jasper as he made his way to me. They seemed peaceful and calm which made it clear that Jasper was manipulating them. I knew why they were there. I knew that the moment he killed me, all the wolves would return the favor.

I looked in his eyes and knew that I was ready. I would die in peace if Jasper was the last thing that I saw.

I felt that he was ready, too. There was a small smile tugging at his lips and felt his acceptance in knowing that my face would be the last thing he would ever see.

I smiled. Even now, before our demises, our thoughts were one and the same.

Images of what would never be flashed in my mind. Me going off to college, making friends, laughing with Charlie... having children. Growing old and dying peacefully in my bed.

None of that was going to happen.

I chose him.

He came closer, his eyes boring into mine with longing and sorrow.

I briefly thought of Charlie, wondered if he'd miss me.

And then there was no space between us.

Jasper lightly placed his hand on my shoulder and I swept my hair to the side to expose my neck to him.

Maybe this needed to happen earlier, but I was satisfied that it was happening now when I finally understood him and he finally understood me.

I looked in his eyes and decided to send him comforting emotions to assure him that I had accepted my fate.

"Everything is going to be all right," I whispered, gazing into his eyes lovingly.

His trembling hand touched my face. The back of his fingers brushed my cheek and my eyes fluttered shut from feeling him so close, being surrounded with the scent of him.

He bent his head and I felt his sweet breath fanning over my face. His golden curls fell on my skin and I shuddered with happiness.

Jasper.

His frozen lips touched my skin, making me gasp at the contact. His arms snuck around my waist and the wolves started growling.

I grabbed his shoulder, feeling the power and strength of his muscles, knowing that he could crush me without even trying, and I waited.

But I felt nothing else just kiss after kiss after kiss, up and down on the slope of my neck. All of a sudden, his arms squeezed me painfully.

"I can't do it, Bella," he breathed into my hair. "I can't kill you..." I felt his despair and lifted my palm to brush the hair out of his face as our eyes met.

He wiped the blood from his lips with the back of his hand and in the next second, captured my lips with his.

My eyes widened in surprise before he opened the gates of his emotions, showing me all of the love and devotion he felt towards me. My hands went around his neck returning his kiss with all of the passion I could gather.

His tongue traced my bottom lip, begging me to let him in and I opened my mouth, inviting, greeting him back home. I melted into his embrace, ready to greet my death. His grip was so tight on my waist, his fingers digging almost painfully into my hips but I didn't complain. This was what I wanted and who I wanted. There was no need to deny my feelings anymore.

After mere minutes that felt like eternity, he tore his lips from mine, black eyes searching mine.

"I'm going for a swim. Wait for me in the cabin."

He was gone before I could protest.

As I made my way back to the cabin, I noticed that there was something sticky on my fingers. I was horrified to see that it was my own blood.

Images of my eighteenth birthday came back to me in sharp flashes. That stupid paper cut. Jasper's eyes blackening. Edward glancing at Alice and then at Jasper.

_Jasper, it's nothing... it's just blood._

Alice mentioned blood in front of a vampire fighting with intense bloodlust- like she only wanted to provoke him further.

Oh. My. God.

Edward saw something that he refused to accept and talk about.

Something changed in that moment, something that only Edward and Alice knew.

I realized that I no longer needed to know their secrets. Though until this moment there was always doubt about the contact between Jasper and me. The moment he tried to attack me at my birthday party had lingered above us since then.

But we couldn't deny the answer anymore. He wasn't able to kill me. And I didn't need to use my power to stop him.

Because...

He loved me. I felt it with every fiber of my being.

A flash of lightning cut sharply through the sky, immediately followed by earth shattering thunder. I decided to run down the small hill to the cabin but still couldn't avoid the rain. The sky opened its gates and the storm unraveled around me in no time. When I finally reached the small house, I was soaked to the bone.

I shrugged off my clothes without thinking and hopped into a hot shower. While standing under the stream of water, my mind drifted back to Jasper. He was outside in that storm, alone and maybe even a little cold.

I finished my shower quickly, wrapping my body in a fluffy robe before filling the huge bathtub with hot water and bubbles for Jasper.

_Everyone likes bubble baths_, I assumed.

I kneeled next to the tub, swirling the water in attempt to make it more bubbly.

"What are you doing?" he asked stunned. I looked up startled, only to see his soaked form. But unlike me, he didn't look like a wet dog. The sparkling droplets shone in his curls, making his now golden eyes shine more. His shirt stuck to his toned body, accentuating his strong arms and chest. My eyes slowly traveled lower- involuntarily, of course- just to see that his jeans clung to his very hard body everywhere. I gulped before looking away.

I stood up slowly, never taking my eyes from his.

"I was just running a bath for you. I thought you might be a little cold from the storm."

"Bella, I just took a swim in the freezing ocean. How exactly did you think the cold would affect me?" he asked flatly.

"I'm sorry, I just thought-"

"I'm a vampire, Bella. It's about time you accepted that."

"Excuse me?" My head snapped in his direction.

"You heard me. No more games. We are _not _humans. _I _am not human. Vampires don't need warm and snuggly bubble baths."

His cold stare sent icy chills down my spine. Where was my Jasper? Why was he so angry with me?

"Why are you acting like this?" I asked in disbelief.

"No, why are _you _acting like this? You're in denial, unable to see how things really are. And when you _do _see the world for what it is, you run and hide until it goes away again," he bit out. "But here's the truth, take it or leave it: I'm not a human and I will never be one."

"Jasper, what's wrong with you?"

"I should ask you the same." He was enraged. "What were you thinking when you tried to leave town?"

"I-I..." I was speechless as I took in his menacing glare.

"You tried to sacrifice yourself, right? Even if it meant leaving me and everything we'd experienced together."

"Jasper, please..." I closed my eyes for a brief second. "I came back to you..."

"No offense, but who the hell cares? You let me suffer for _twelve _fucking days!" he yelled. A strange feeling of panic began rising in me. "Don't you think I've suffered enough in my pitiful existence?"

"I never meant to hurt you more, please." I begged with my tears flowing freely down my face.

"You know what, Bella? I don't care," he said in a cold tone, making me shudder.

I'd had enough, shutting down my emotions, not wanting to hurt or bother him with my presence anymore.

I left the bathroom and made my way to the front door, ready to leave only in the robe I had on me.

Before I reached the door knob, I felt him behind me. He grabbed my shoulder and turned my body to him, slamming my back into the wall.

"One more thing, Bella." There was a heartbreaking desperation in his eyes." Tell me just one thing and I'll let you go for good. Why are you here now?"

"Why do you want to know?" I asked shakily.

"Just answer my fucking question!" His hands pinned me to the wall and he came closer until our chests almost touched. The small droplets from his hair fell on my face as he towered over me. "Why were you ready to die in my arms only hours ago?"

"Because..." I gulped. "Jasper, please..." I tried to wiggle out of his hold.

"Say it, dammit!" His fist met the wall next to my head and I watched him with a horrified expression.

"I-"

My breath was caught. Why did I come here? What did I want from him? All of the bad decisions I'd made came into my mind, one by one. What if I was making a mistake with him too?

Jasper saw my struggle, but this time he didn't help me. When I still couldn't form the right words, he released me.

"You're a fucking coward, you know that? You don't have to leave. I am. Goodbye, Bella."

And with that he tore open the front door and walked out in the rain.

I looked at his retreating form walking at a slow, very human pace.

I saw my hope leaving with him.

His smile.

The sunshine.

Our desires.

The beauty of this world.

A soul losing the other half that could make it complete.

Everything that I ever wanted was leaving with him.

"Jasper," I whispered in a broken voice "I... I love you."

He halted in his tracks, back becoming rigid as waited for my next step.

I stood there silently like a coward. He was right.

When he heard nothing else, he stepped forward and continued leaving.

I couldn't let him go. Not now. Not like this.

"Jasper!" I cried out, because there was so much pain in my chest that I was afraid I'd lose it completely.

I ran out from the house, not worrying about the cold rain, I rushed after him, slipping in the mud, but never giving up. My tears mixed with the rain that was soaking me, but I didn't care. I rushed for dear life to find him.

My bare foot slipped in the mud again, and I could practically feel the hard surface of the ground hitting my back when strong arms encircled me, holding me up, pulling me close to his hard chest.

I looked up at him, and his lips crashed into mine with passion and love. I grabbed his shoulder and my other hand went into his hair, gripping and tugging, our lips molding into one. He held my body close to his, lifting me from the ground and I wrapped my thighs around his hips.

His lips never left mine as we entered the house, not missing a step when he kicked the door shut and led us to the bedroom. All I could focus on were his lips on mine, our tongues tangled and dancing a sensuous dance around the other.

He took us into the bathroom, right into the shower. I looked at him confused, but not daring to ask. All I was aware of was his lips setting my body on fire, as they left my mouth only to suck and nibble at the sensitive skin behind my ear.

"Say it again," he breathed in my ear, making me shudder in response.

I slowly opened my eyes, immersing myself in his golden stare.

"I told you already," I whispered timidly.

"Don't tease me." His fingers slowly traveled down my arm and I realized that I wasn't breathing.

"Jasper..."

He looked so vulnerable, so helpless as he searched my eyes. My hand played with a strand of golden hair on his neck, avoiding his gaze. All of a sudden, he grabbed my hand, forcing me to look at him.

Dear God, he was beautiful.

He was beautiful even in his pain, his body hovering over mine. I should have felt cold being so near, but my skin was on fire.

"What do I have to do to convince you to say it?"

"Don't you feel me?" I asked, confused.

"I want to hear it. Whisper it, scream it, I don't care, but I can't go on without hearing those words," he whispered into my skin, slowly opening the robe, revealing my naked skin.

"You are beautiful," he took in my upper body with something that could be described as pure lust. My nipples pebbled under his stare and I still didn't know what to do, how to prove it to him.

I pushed at his chest gently and he looked up with questioning eyes.

"Let me show you." I looked at his shirt meaningfully until he shrugged it off.

My eyes hungrily took in his gorgeous body. Every dimple and curve, the hard planes of his chest and his toned abs were perfect and inviting. I gulped and my breath became shallow as he licked his lips while watching me from under his lashes.

I didn't know how to do this right. I was clumsy and inexperienced. I had never touched a man before. I had never learned how to please a man.

"Let your feelings lead you," he said, sensing my hesitation and I bit my lip. He inhaled sharply at the sight of my teeth sinking into the soft flesh of my bottom lip and without thinking he shoved me hard up against the cold tiles of the shower and crushed his lips over mine.

My palms were instantly on his face, pulling him closer as his cool tongue met mine, greedily tasting and sucking. Our breathing became frantic and the lack of air was making me slightly dizzy, but I didn't want to pry my lips away from his for something as trivial as a gulp of air.

I let out a little moan as his lips moved to the corner of my mouth, making a path of feather light kisses to my ear.

"I want you to tell me how you feel."

"I never..." I breathed in his neck. "I never fully understood what you saw in me."

I saw the tips of my fingers touching his shoulder softly, loving the hard, smooth planes of his chest. There were slight bumps that I could barely feel but they were there. I leaned closer only to see that they were scars, bite marks matching the one on my wrist that served as proof of what could happen when I played with vampires.

I remembered the burning pain, the agony of the venom setting my insides on fire. And I had only one bitemark. Jasper's scars seemed infinite.

"How many times were you in a pain like this? Like me?" Tears filled my eyes as I whispered while my fingers continued exploring his chest until he gently grabbed my hand, making me look up at him.

"Doesn't matter," he whispered feverishly. "All that matters now is that I'm here with you and there's nothing that can stop me from loving you."

He latched his lips onto mine and I gasped into his mouth as he gripped my neck with one hand and lifted my ass with the other until my legs encircled him. When I was securely wrapped around him, he let my neck go for a second until he turned on the water and hot droplets hit us from above, not only ridding us of mud, but also washing away every doubt.

I pulled at the waistband of his jeans and he smirked into my mouth, taking it as a sign that I was ready to continue. He held me up while he fought with the soaked material of his jeans until I heard a ripping sound when the fabric gave way and fell from his body.

Jasper was like nothing else I had ever tasted before. I felt his fingers slowly circling around my waist and my backside.

"Do you feel what you do to me, Bella?" he whispered hoarsely, dragging his lips along the shell of my ear. "I've been watching you for over two years. Every innocent look, your every move, every blush on your beautiful face... driving me crazy until I don't know whether to kill you or kiss you. It's maddening"

I trembled against him while I swallowed thickly and my lids became heavy with lust. If he kept saying things like that, I'd combust from words alone.

"I always tried to look at you through my eyes. But they lied to me every time." My fingers circled the scars on his skin. He arched his back with a suppressed moan into my touch.

And suddenly there was no longer slow or gentle. There was fire in his eyes as he set me on my feet and dropped to his knees. He pushed my leg over his shoulder in one swift motion.

"Jasper... what are you doing?" I gasped completely taken aback as I felt myself getting more aroused with every passing second. This was the first time a man had seen me naked and now I was standing in the shower, exposed like never before.

"I thought you knew how things worked between a woman and a man." He winked before he leaned closer, his hands caressing my thighs and he sighed. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, Bella."

I didn't have time to respond because the next moment I felt his lips on my inner thighs, kissing his way up to the place where I was aching for his touch. I wasn't able to control my reactions anymore so I leaned back onto the cold tile behind me and closed my eyes as I let my body relax into his kisses. My eyes popped open when his lips touched my most intimate part, gasping at the intensity of the emotions running through me.

"Jasper..." I chanted his name like a prayer. After the first teasing kisses I felt his cool tongue on my sensitive flesh and when he began to suck rhythmically, rolling his tongue over my clit, I gasped and started quivering.

While his lips grazed my flesh, I felt his finger slip into me while my fingers buried themselves deep in his soft hair.

"I love the way you taste," he breathed into my center, making me shiver in response before his focus returned to the sweet torture he was inflicting on me. He resumed the gentle licking and nibbling while his finger was moving in and out of me.

"Jasper... I want you inside of me..." I managed to choke out before I lost it completely. When he didn't make an attempt to move from his spot, I tugged at his hair impatiently and smiled down at him. "If you want to hear those words again... you'd better be inside of me soon."

I didn't have to ask twice.

Vampire speed was a beautiful thing.

He stood in front of me and I grabbed his neck and roughly pulled him to my lips. Though there was still warm water washing over us, I was glad to taste myself on his lips and groaned into his mouth in appreciation.

He lifted me until I was perched up against the wall and he lined up himself along my entrance. I reached down and touched him gently. My fingers ventured up and down along his shaft and his lips were greedily attacking mine, our tongues moving around each other feverishly and suddenly there was nothing else.

He pushed my hand aside and slowly pushed himself into my body. I felt my body stretching around him and the strange feeling of pain mixed with pleasure came with his every careful movement as he tried to sheath himself deep inside of me. I felt my body trying to adjust to his length and hissed in pain.

"You are so tight," he choked out, prying his lips away from mine while his arms trembled with the effort to move slow for me. His tension radiated into me, filling me with disappointment in knowing that maybe I wasn't built for him.

It wasn't going to work this way, I felt it.

My fingers left his neck and slid along his chiseled chin to make him look at me. He was still halfway out and he was going to lose it.

"Look at me," I whispered, not caring about the physical pain I felt because his desperation hurt me more. I waited until his roaming eyes focused on me. I shifted in his arms a little and cradled his face between my fingers, I leaned closer until our lips were grazing each other. "I trust you."

"Bella..." There was agony in his voice and I felt him pulling away.

"Jasper, I love you," I whispered into his mouth, letting him feel everything he meant to me. I let him feel how touched I was by his very presence in my life. How I craved his closeness and would do anything to be near him.

I felt his hand dipping lower until he reached my clit, circling around it sensuously.

There had always been a strong attraction, I'd felt it from the beginning. My heart always fluttered when I saw him but I assumed that it was from fear.

I felt my body relax into his soft caressing and he bent his head to capture my hardened peak with his lips.

My fingers were digging into his back when he started moving again, pushing past the barrier of my virginity.

His eyes turned black and in that moment I understood why he'd decided to do this in the shower.

"Hold your breath, Jasper... the water will wash it away soon," I tried to sooth him with my words, gently rubbing his neck until I was sure that he had won over his instincts. When the bleeding stopped I felt the pain slowly subsiding and he pulled himself out of me to let the water wash away any traces of the blood from our bodies before turning the water off.

He wrapped me in a fluffy towel and scooped me into his arms, taking me upstairs into the little bedroom.

"I wish I could offer you more," he whispered as he gently laid me down on the pillows, laying propped up on one of his elbows next to me. His fingers traced the outlines of my face, gently caressing my bottom lip before he leaned closer for a soft kiss.

"But right now I don't have anything to offer than myself."

I melted into his kiss, feeling the arousal rise within me again, the pain almost vanished as I felt myself becoming ready to continue.

I slowly sat up, letting the towel fall from me as I leaned over him, placing small kisses over his lips, and before he could respond, my lips moved to the shell of his ear and then deeper, down to his neck. I bit down gently and he hissed in response.

I grabbed his hand, placing it on my hip with an impatient look until I felt him start responding to me.

His strong arms tightened on my body as he laid me back tenderly and crawled between my legs. "Say it again," he whispered.

"I love you."

A relieved smile played on his lips as he lowered himself onto me. His thumb grazed my clit that became alive under his expert touches while his lips traced wet circles around my nipple before kissing his way to the other.

"What do you feel now?" he asked while he nibbled at my overly sensitive skin.

"You tell me," I gasped hoarsely.

"I feel your..." He kissed my lips again. "Trust." His fingers found my hips pulling my body closer to his.

"Excitement." The tip of his cock grazed my entrance. "Desire." He slowly pushed inside of me, taking my bottom lip between his.

"Loyalty." I moaned into his mouth as my body slowly adjusted to his size.

"Bliss." I was filled like never before.

"Admiration." He started to move slowly and my thighs encircled his waist.

"Love."

And with that his movements started to match the passion he radiated, showering me with all those emotions that flew through his heart and soul. I grabbed his shoulders and my body slowly moved against him until my head started to spin. My hand traveled down his spine until I felt his ass beneath my hands and I pulled him deeper into me with every thrust, loving his moaned response.

His fingers ventured down my body, over my stomach until he found my clit again. I threw my head back as I was hit with his hypnotizing scent that made me let my guard down and become greedy and wanton in his arms.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair gently as he started thrusting harder, one of his hands creeping up to my breast, fingers brushing against it, before going further up to my neck and cupping my face. His thumb found my mouth, rubbing along it gently and my eyes filled with the passion that I felt for him. It was too intense- I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. His eyes didn't change, they didn't grow black with the desire to kill me and my love for him grew to incomprehensible heights.

There was nothing else, only pure joy and bliss in everything surrounding us.

His movements became frantic and he sped up as he neared his climax. As he rubbed my sensitive flesh, I felt light and free. My lips parted and he let out a groan and I realized that he was holding back because of me.

He never stopped caressing and teasing me, his fingers moving between my legs expertly as he lifted my hips a little, starting to hit the right spot deep inside of me and I knew that I was close to losing it. I still needed something, something that could make me leave the world and my breath hitched when he leaned closer until I felt his breath against the shell of my ear.

"I love you," he whispered and my back arched in instant response and I was flying and floating, feeling bliss like never before.

His body jerked against mine and a moment later he spilled himself into me breathing heavily into my neck. He let his lips move over my shoulder and my breath caught in my throat. Never in my life had I felt anything like this. I never wanted it to end.

I tangled my fingers in his hair, wanting to remember every detail about this moment. "I love you."

He enveloped me in everything that he felt for me and I smiled. Because I knew, without a doubt, that Jasper loved me.

And that was all I needed.


	18. Chapter 18

**I want to apologize to everyone for this long absence of mine... I had several problems to deal with in the RL.**

**I hope this chapter makes it up for the long wait.**

**First of all, my immortal beloved vszoke is my amazing pre-reader. Heidi Mae was so kind to beta this chapter for me and tiffaninichole is responsible for the conversation at the end of the chapter. I hope you'll like this chappie. **

**CHAPTER 18**

_**The opposite of loneliness, it's not togetherness. It is intimacy.**_

_**(Richard Bach)**_

**BPOV**

I woke up to the feeling of being alone in the bed. First, my fingers sought for the cool body that could be warmed up only with my own body heat yet I couldn't find anything. The faint scent of chocolate lingering in the air and all over my body confirmed last night wasn't a dream. A very nice and erotic dream, indeed.

I rolled over only to feel the sweet ache of my body as a reminder of our love finally claimed and sealed.

Love...

I could feel it in my pores, radiating towards me from a certain source and I slowly shifted my head only to drink in Jasper's silhouette as he was standing at the window, gazing at the ocean in the misty morning. He was wearing a towel around his hips and my eyes feasted on his pale skin and ripping muscles of his back. An involuntarily smile spread my lips recalling last night and ignoring the slight soreness of my insides I raised up, wrapping the comforter around me as I shivered in the cool air breezing into the room through the opened window.

He recognized my presence behind him yet he stayed motionless while I approached him. His skin felt so cool under my hot fingertips and I wanted nothing else only to warm him up with my body again. I pressed my face against his spine before kissing him there loving the shuddering reaction he couldn't suppress and though he didn't move our fingers met on his abdomen intertwining.

We didn't say a word for a few long minutes and again, the silence between us felt natural and welcoming. His emotions were serene and peaceful, for the first time in two years of my knowing him.

"I wasn't honest with you." His words echoed in the silent room loudly and I froze.

I didn't know what to say. I made an attempt to pry my hand from his but he squeezed my fingers in a silent plea to stay.

"Tell me." I said finally.

He took a deep breath.

"First I came here to see you... it wasn't only about your blood."

Another minute of heavy silence.

"Please, turn around. I want to see your eyes." I whispered into his skin and he let me go before I hopped up on the windowsill next to him so our eyes were at the same level. I saw storms and thunders behind his golden orbs as he gazed at me with unshed tears. He wrapped the comforter around my shoulders and whole body and I welcomed the heat of the fluffy white material.

"I have a brother, Peter."

"Like...a real one?" I was confused when he nodded.

"We share the same blood, yes. I was the firstborn, the heir of everything my family owned... endless planes of plantations and a huge family mansion inVirginia... assets in Atlanta... a huge farm in Texas, servants and most of all, money." He had a distant look in his beautiful eyes. "Peter was thefamily's dirty little secret. My father's misbegotten son with my mother's handmaid not long after I was born. My mother died when I was five and we grew up together, Peter and I. We were inseparable. We looked much alike and we shared every thought with each other." He sighed "Though the society never coped with him being what he was. The women were falling for him easily on the balls and social events we attended together but he never could court or offer a marriage to any of them... My father wanted me to marry a girl named Charlotte, the only child of our neighbor laird. Unfortunately, she was completely in love with Peter."

"What happened?" I asked in strained voice jealous at the girl who'd died more than a century ago.

"The Civil War. I joined the army to escape the marriage and Peter ran away with Charlotte." He said impassively.

He closed his eyes and I hesitantly touched his hand.

"I never told about this to anyone, Bella."

Doubt crawled into my emotions. He'd spent the last sixty years with the Cullens...

"No one knows about these things." He bored his eyes into mine "They know about Peter and Charlotte but everyone thinks they are just my good friends from my past."

"What? Are they both...?"

"Yes."

His velvety voice came out as a whisper and he leaned closer before his arms sneaked around my waist and he pulled me closer to his body so he was standing between my legs now. I wrapped the sleeves of the comforter around him too though I knew he didn't need it. One of his hands was entangled in my messy hair as he bent down to my ears and he continued to speak, in a barely audible voice.

"We have a company outside the cabin. Nod if you understand."

My arms went around his back and pulling him closer, I nodded.

"Good."

"We all were turned by a woman called Maria during the civil war. First I though tit was only a coincidence. But when we became lovers," Jealousy shot through me again and he opened the gates of his loving emotions in return until I calmed down. "Maria admitted she had plans with me. She wanted me to be her first and best hit man even though she knew I suffered with every taken life more and more..."His voice was caught in his throat for a second before he continued."And when I revolted and refused to obey she began with torturing Peter."

My fingers rubbed his naked back soothingly while listening to his words.

"When you are turned altogether with someone who is your own flesh, the bond becomes stronger, almost inseparable. If the other one suffers, you feel it ten times stronger. And in my case, I also felt his emotions." I needed to strengthen my hearing because he lowered his voice more. "And she finally reached her 'd broken me. I became everything she wanted me to be after that. I killed people, turned vampires and executed them when it was necessary, I trained them, I fought in wars and won and most of all... I waited for the right opportunity. They called me the Major back then but honestly, I wasn't more than her puppet and slave. And Maria wasn't stupid. I could affect her emotions but never her mind and though she loved me she remained the same calculating and plotting bitch she was for hundreds of years before."

"What happened?"

"Once she ordered me to kill a newborn, a boy in his early teen years who didn't do anything wrong. He was an eager student and he had that naive look in his eyes. Even though he was a vampire his emotions were so innocent and pure... I refused to kill him. I argued with Maria, trying to save his life..." He swallowed under the weight of his torturing memories. "She let the boy go...and the next day she ordered me to kill Peter."

"Oh my... you didn't..." I gasped against his shoulder.

"I snapped," He continued absentmindedly "We got into a fight, nearly killing each other... and I never knew that she'd studied my character well... and when I was about to rip her head off, she brought me to my knees, using my ow nemotions against me."

"What?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"This is the only weapon against me, Bella, my own emotions... I don't know how but you did the same on the beach when I first came to see you," He murmured into my hair "I can't fight against it. This is what no one knows about me except of that fucking bitch."

"How did the fight end between you and Maria?" I asked still trying to process the informatio nabout him.

"She let me go with a laugh... and I never questioned her decisions again. I could sense her emotions before she ordered to do something and I did it before she asked me to."

"How did you escape her?"

"There was a war and lot of our allies died. She told me Peter and his wife Charlotte died too." My breath hitched at the sharp flash of pain cursing through my body as he recalled the painful memories "I didn't believe her... but I couldn't sense their emotions anymore, so I let her words sink in... and I became catatonic. I was completely useless to her and whatever she said or did I was unable to react."

My tears were flowing now freely down my face, moistening his perfect smooth skin.I squeezed him and let him feel my support and encouragement.

"Maria realized it was a stupid move from her because she softened towards me a little and tried to shower me with her affections but I just stared at her asking for the next kill." He caressed my hair in slow motions murmuring those words laced with pain. "She left me alone for longer periods in the woods because she knew she'd find me exactly where I was left. But... one day I felt something... a faint wave of an emotion I hadn't felt since Peter was gone. And that was the moment when I simply took off... without any warning or predictable sign."

Lifting my head I gazed into his beautiful eyes.

"You've met your brother then?"

He shook his head.

"I didn't go to see him. I knew Maria all too well. So, I sought out the most powerful vampires in the world throughout the years and I discovered my ability to learn someone's talents."

"How is it possible?"

"By influencing their emotions I can create almost every kind of feeling or impact on body. Some call it an illusion, some'd say it's a gift." He shrugged before touching his lips to mine in a very gentle and intimate gesture that made my heart flutter.

"How do I fit into this picture?" I asked timidly.

"Do I really need to answer this question?" He asked with a smirk and I looked at him puzzled. What did he mean?

"Yes, please." I mumbled with downcast eyes.

"Look at me, Brownie," His forefinger lifted my chin only to plan a soft kiss onto my lips and my heart started to beat furiously at his endearment. "Don't you see that since we know each other, every single episode led us to this moment?" He asked with exasperation.

"Why did you call Eleazar in real?" I asked instead of reply. "I felt you while you talked to him outside. You were in so much pain."

"He is one of my allies against Maria."

"A partner in crime?"

"No. A part of an army against that bitch. There are a lots of our kind who are really pissed at her."

"An army...? How...?"

"You know a war between vampires is not only about the strength. You witnessed it inVolterra."

"What you are trying to say is..." The gears in my brain began to move slowly "You'd built an army with powerful vampires against Maria and her allies. Is she that scary?"

"No, but she has one of the most gifted ones on her side."

"Who?"

"You've actually met her. Her smile is unforgettable." He said meaningfully with a snicker, narrowing his eyes at me.

I was confused.

"Her smile?" I thought about it for a second. I met someone, a vampire apparently who smiled and was unforg... Oh my... I blanched at the memories "Tell me it's not Jane."

He held my gaze intently.

"She is considered as the most powerful one in this world. No one could resist her powers-"

"Until she met me." I finished the sentence for him before lifting my eyes at him"This is why you are with me?" I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice.

"Bella, knowing you I think you'd help me without me being in love with you too." He answered quietly. "I crossed several lines for you before I even knew what you are."

My mind tried to process all those information.

"What did Eleazar say to you at the bar?" I asked tentatively "I felt your sadness and desperation."

He gazed at me for a long moment before speaking.

"He told me you'd probably die in the battle against Maria."

I closed my eyes for a second imagining if everything was worth it, to die stupidly in a battle against a bitch.

"So I assume he saw some opportunity in me then." I said dryly. "The only question is if I can protect you from her before I die. It'd really suck if I died without a purpose."

"How can you joke about this?" His hold tightened around me. "I'm going to do everything to protect you from her."

"But it's me who's supposed to protect you, Jasper. As a good shield would do."

He watched me with puzzled expression.

"Why do you talk about your very possible death this lightly?"

I straightened my shoulder.

"Jasper,I'm really sorry to say this but I don't think you completely understand the meaning of love." I cupped his face with my both hands. "When you love someone you don't think about what you could lose. Yesterday I realized that I always avoided the true life and the real decisions. I was afraid to live completely, because I lost my faith in life and love because of Edward." When I said his name I was surprised that thinking about him didn't hurt anymore. "But now...I'm not afraid anymore. And if I have to die to save you I'd do it it finally will be going to serve something good."

"Why are you telling me things like this?" He asked, swallowing.

"Because...right now I don't see the difference between becoming a vampire and between dying." There, I said it.

"You don't want to be like me?" He asked with disbelief and I was glad his emotions wasn't hurt.

"If this is the only way to stay with you, then yes, I want to become a vampire. For you. But not because I want eternity. Or eternal youth. Not for the price watching my family fade away and die. These things don't make anything for me anymore."

He gazed at me touched and I swear he'd cry if he could.

"But you are willing to change for me."

"Yes."I said without hesitation.

"No one ever did such a thing for me..." His voice broke halfway and he kissed me with so much love and passion that I was sure I was going to pass out from the intensity of his emotions.

I pulled away a little.

"Make love to me, Jasper..." I mumbled between his parted lips and he lifted me so he could walk with me towards the bed. Our tongues danced around each other their never ending sensuous tango while my fingers explored his sculpted chest greedily.

He pinned me to the bed with his weight and I loved every second of it. His mouth left mine so he could place wet kisses down my neck, gently nibbling the skin over the vein there before following his plan to tease my breasts.

"Jasper..."I writhed beneath him with desire. I was sure he could smell my arousal and... I just didn't care anymore. I wanted him and nothing was going to stop me loving this man.

He pulled me into his arms and ran his nose along my jawline as my fingers entangled in his hair. He was relaxed and there was a faint halo of happiness in his emotions too. I smiled before arching my back so I could press myself into his chest. I craved his touch... I felt cold without the touch of his cool skin on mine.

"I wish it didn't have to be like this." He said all of a sudden, his lips barely touching mine.

It was the shift in his emotions that made me open my eyes and look at him puzzled.

"Like what?"

"This,"he gestured a hand over his body. "I wish I could give you more. A real life, a family."

I gaped at him with slacked jaw.

He watched me with so much sadness in his eyes... what could I say in response that wouldn't hurt him... or our fragile relationship?

A real life... I didn't even live before he came into my life.

"That doesn't matter to me, as long as I have you." I said softly before placing a kiss onto his lips "And tomorrow you can start to train me."


	19. Chapter 19

**I'd like to thank for all your lovely reviews, PMs and support. I know the updates are slower now than usual but sometimes RL is hectic and demanding. I'm apologizing for that.**

**I'd like to thank my immortal beloved vszoke for pre reading and mynxi for the betaing. **

CHAPTER 19

"I hate you!" I shouted from the top of my lungs.

"Oh really?" Jasper's voice came from at least a hundred feet beneath me.

"I remember this morning you saying something else..." he snickered. "Come on, Isabella, you can do better than this!"

"Don't call me that!" I screamed at him.

Wherever he was right now, my emotions bubbled, close to the breaking point.

"You know I hate 'Isabella'!"

"Well, I love you, Brownie,"

His voice came from a completely different direction now. Damn vampire speed. It made my heart spin with confusion and my palms were slick with that I was hugging a tree, balancing on the thick branch beneath me, well, my sweaty hands weren't the best help at the moment. I could feel the smell of my sweat lingering around me.

I wasn't nervous. I wasn't angry. I wasn't anything at the moment. I just wanted to get over with this session so I could take a hot shower and crawl into the bed. I needed my sleep. My head hurt and my muscles were tired from the constant straining and stretching.

But my torturer formerly also known as the love of my life wouldn't let me. And I couldn't even say it wasn't my fault. I was the one who asked for the training. It was me who promised him I wouldn't break. He warned me, telling it could hurt, and I was going to regret it. Did I listen to him?

How do you think how did I end up hugging a tree trunk for dear life?

Of course I was stupid again.

"Can you please get me down from here?" I begged, my voice low and hoarse.

"Bella, you need to finally break through His voice came from north now. I knew it because I was hugging that fucking tree where it was covered with moss. My hands felt dirty and slick. It was just a matter of time before I'd fall. He was right.

I could do better than this, but every time, I failed him and myself.

.

It all began with a simple phone call a couple of days after Jasper's confession about his motivations regarding me. I offered my help. How could I not? At least once in my life I could do something good.

When I playfully asked him to train me, never in my dreams did I think I'd end up like this.

.

It was one of those days when the sun presented us with a sparkly and shiny morning. The rays of sun peeked inside between the curtains only to see our resting forms. I was lying on my back and Jasper's head rested on my stomach as if he was listening at my heartbeat. His leg rested between my thighs and one of his hands was curled around my ribcage. My fingers were entangled with his golden tresses and the comforter was thrown haphazardly over our bodies.

It was pure bliss to wake up like that. I smiled into the morning light and I felt him stir the next second. My heart skipped a beat before he lifted his head to gaze into my eyes with so much love it made my heart swell with happiness. There was a surprised expression every morning on his face when he first opened his eyes. Like he'd have a hard time believing that this thing between us was actually happening; and then came the smile. A sweet, soft, unforgettable. smile which was made from the realization that we were truly here. That we were real.

And his confession of love, was ever with the same words, never with the same emotions. It felt like his love grew for me with every passing day. His emotions became steadier and his long lost self confidence slowly found its way back to his soul.

But that morning his cell started to ring before he could say anything.

"Let it ring," I whispered with disappointment. I didn't want this moment come to an end yet.

"It's Carlisle," he said after glancing at the display "It might be important."

He lifted himself off my body as he reached for his cell but his fingers curled around mine, playing with them absentmindedly. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips because his simple gestures showed how much he needed my presence. It didn't matter what we were doing, he always found an excuse to touch me.

He was listening to whatever Carlisle needed to tell him as he answered in so low a tone I couldn't make out the words. But the lightness was gone from his emotions instantly. I stiffened in his arms, watching him warily.

"What's the matter?" I asked after he ended the call.

He remained silent for several minutes, lost deep in his thoughts.

"It seems we have a little problem," he murmured. "We need to get out of here."

"When?"

"Right now."

"But the wolves can protect us," I tried to reason with him.

He slowly turned his golden orbs to me.

"They can't fight against Jane and Alec."

"Are they coming here?" I asked, though I felt like a stupid little naive girl who needed to vocalize every impression.

"Bella, they are already here." There was a heavy silence between us. "They can't know we have found allies in the werewolves. They'd destroy all of us without batting an eyelash. All we can do now is to leave."

"What do you mean by 'we'?"

"You, me, Carlisle and everyone who remained loyal to him... and your father if you want to."

"But, what about the others?"

"Jane is coming after us. She doesn't want to blow her cover, so I don't think she'd cause harm on the citizens of Forks. She just wants to see us."

"Why is it a problem?"

He didn't answer, just gazed out of the window, the cerulean blue of the sky reflecting in his eyes. Scooting closer to him I palmed his chin.

"Tell me?" I pleaded him in a soft tone.

"Bella, it's hard for me to accept it... but it seems, Alice is on Jane's side and she told her about you," he sighed. "Carlisle overheard her conversation with Jane and he's afraid Jane'd come after you."

"But we don't have proof that she is really coming after me."

"Actually, we have," Carlisle's voice came from the bedroom door.

My head snapped in his direction in surprise.

"Carlisle, what are you doing here?" I pulled the covers up to hide my nakedness from him but he didn't look at me. It seemed he had an inner debate with himself before speaking.

"We really don't have much time. Jane is already at the treaty lines and the wolves can't keep her occupied forever. And she's not alone." His eyes flickered to Jasper's.

"Who else?"

"Just Victoria and more than a dozen of newborns." He shrugged. "Look, I'd like to discuss this situation with you further, but I think we could talk about these things while leaving Forks."

"Where do we go?"

"Tacoma. The Quileutes have relatives in the local rez there, so we'll be safe from Alice again."

"But she's going to see our destination plans once we leave La Push," I chimed in.

"We are not leaving alone," Carlisle smiled at me reassuringly.

We left the reservation an hour later, taking Emily and Sue Clearwater with us. It was Sam's request to take them away from the rez, so he could fully concentrate on keeping us safe from Jane and Victoria until we left though the wolves had to learn in a hard way that Jane'd hidden more in her sleeve than an unbreakable body and razor sharp teeth.

Rose and Emmett left the country to contact some allies of Jasper's. Alice left too, but no one knew where she was. Edward... the poor guy, stayed at the Cullen's mansion, brooding and composing. I felt bad about him because I was sure he was already informed about Jasper's relationship with me. The thought of me hurting him like that, left me feeling guilty. But, I couldn't, wouldn't do anything to change the situation.

For the first time in my life I chose my path and I fully intended to follow the yellow brick road whereever it took me.

That's how we ended up on a beautiful rez full of apple orchards a day later. Charlie was confused at first and he couldn't really cope with the situation. He was used to working for twelve to sixteen hours per day and having no free time for the last twelve years. I was beyond grateful to see Carlisle and Esme keeping him occupied as they took him for long walks, to restaurants, and to a winery nearby. I knew his suspicions never let him relax completely, because I was sure he didn't buy Carlisle's tale ordering him three weeks relaxation and staying away from the police station. I knew that Carlisle came up with some fake medical test results about Charlie having a heart condition and I didn't blame him for it. I'd do everything to keep my father safe.

I was aware he was watching me warily whenever I appeared with Jasper holding my hand or kissing my temple in front of him. I couldn't blame him; last he checked I had serious problems with Edward and an unresolved situation with Jake. And now I was going all soft and romantic on Jasper.

Not that we had frequent opportunities to see each other during our stay. Charlie and Sue were gone with Carlisle and Esme for the most of the days and so was I with Jasper; but while Charlie was rather enjoying himself having a great time, my days were resigned to pain and suffering.

I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I offered Jasper my help.

I'd never forget the first conversation we had after we were settled in one of the rooms of the Tuscan style hotel in the middle of an apple orchard and winery, owned by the Quieleutes.

"Bella, did you mean it when you asked me to train you?" Jasper reached for my hand as we settled on the bed.

"I meant it." I smiled at him naively. "Why are you asking? There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you know it."

"I might just take you for your word," he replied hesitantly and a spark of doubt crept into my emotions. "Tell me, how do you see me training you?"

"Um, giving some orders and seeing if I can follow them," I said grinning at him. "And also some good advice on how to fight vampires as a fragile human."

"Bella, you don't take this thing seriously," He sighed in frustration making my grin vanish.

"Jasper, I'm devoted to you with all my heart." I leaned closer to him, palming his chin "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I waited so long to finally do something in this world. Sorry, if it looks I don't take this whole thing seriously, and I'm sorry there's no time left for you to turn me. But I want to do my best. As a human, I need your help and I need to follow your tutorial. I want to survive this and I know you want it, too. So please, forgive me for the lack of seriousness. I'll do better, I promise," I trailed off as he pulled me in for a soft kiss, sealing our deal.

And with that I signed myself over to him. Or, if you look for the better term, it felt like I'd signed myself over to evil incarnate.

"There are some rules you need to follow," he said in a distant tone a day after our talk.

We were in the woods too far from the hotel; in the middle of nowhere. I was wearing a pair of faded jeans with a tee and converses. He requested for me to dress into something comfy, not that I'd dress differently from my usual outfit.

I felt happy as I found his first request easy to follow. But then he started with the rules.

"First, you need to get free from all fears that being human limits you. You need to get into better shape..."

"Don't you like my body?" I chimed feeling hurt.

"It's not about me liking or hating your body." He stood in front of me authoritatively crossing his arms on his chest. There was no mirth in his eyes while he watched me scrutinizingly. "It's about getting the best out of your abilities." His features hardened as he saw me grinning at him. "Bella, this is not about having fun. A lot of people could be killed and vampires destroyed if we fail. You need to focus and I suggest you start to take this whole thing seriously."

Though his scolding me like I was a petulant child – and I probably was one in his eyes – hurt deeply, I decided to cooperate. Straightening my shoulders I asked him to continue.

"First rule: you need to get in a better shape." I rolled my eyes but kept my mouth shut. "The second one: discover the limits of your ability. The third rule: Get informed more about the vampire nature. The fourth and the most important rule: to trust and obey me completely."

"These rules are so easy to keep," I murmured more to myself, discovering I wasn't that scared as I was at the beginning. I glanced at Jasper only to see he'd quirked his brow in response, saying nothing. His body was rigid, his emotions guarded and he acted just different. I needed two days to realize he wasn't joking about his rules and one more day to realize he was back in his Major-mode, or whatever you'd call his new attitude.

That night he was just himself in bed, the sophisticated, gentle yet passionate good guy, the tamed Jasper who lived under the leadership of Carlisle Cullen. He entwined his fingers with mine while pushing himself into my body deep and his lips were soft on my skin. He teased me and he seemed to get never enough of our kisses. He left my body all sweaty and sated. He fell asleep spooning me from behind, whispering the words of love and devotion into the darkness.

And the next day I woke up to a commanding Major, who started to train me so hard, that sometimes I thought I'd break under the pressure.

Every morning I had to start with running endless circless in the woods; hundreds of sit ups, push ups until my muscles started to quiver. Then he allowed me to take a shower and took me to the lunchroom, making me eat properly. Then again in the woods, in a small clearing he started to train me physically and mentally.

After a few days passed, all I could remember was training, eating, sleeping. The last part was the easiest, falling into the bed exhausted.

The mental training was the worst. As it was discovered I may have loved him but we had trust issues. I just couldn't get my body and mind to obey the second he commanded me. My stupid brain came up with snarky comments and responses and I lost my focus again and again.

As a stupid human, I wasn't able to take the whole vampire threat seriously. How could I? I was always protected by them and all I saw was their beauty and... well, their beauty. I realized also I never saw past the trivial facts about them. I never thought about the problems involved in their existence. All I could see before was their beauty and youth that never faded, a family bond that never got untied, a perfection that was never flawed, but I never saw that they could be hell-bent, merciless killers as they truly were... at least, some of them.

So that's how I ended up in that tree. Jasper thought I needed to learn some respect. And also, he was working on my obedience.

"If I tell you jump you need to jump without a second thought. Not because it's safe, not because you can gain something from the act; you need to jump because I say so."

That was the hardest nut to crack. Every time he said to jump my body froze. I kept looking down to the ground three hundred feet under the branch I was teetering on and I couldn't do what he said. I was getting frustrated; he was getting impatient.

And the days just went by, the same pattern.

His words became my anchor binding me to reality. I could quote them anytime, even in my sleep.

"You need to be in good shape to trust your body. If you trust your body you can start to listen to your instincts. When you are able to trust your instincts, you can focus on me. It's the key to your obedience and trust in me."

When I was crying from exhaustion, he always soothed me with the same words, with the same emotions.

"Think about your body like it's an instrument. You need to practice a lot before you learn your body completely and your body starts to follow your lead."

There were nights when I tried to push him away.

"Don't fight against me; it makes you weak," he murmured into my hair, the waves of his hurt washing over me.

I lost the track of the days. All I could focus on was his voice.

Wake up and go to the clearing.

Do the sit ups and push ups until he stops counting. Run five miles. Do the stretching exercises.

Cry.

Go back and take a shower.

Eat.

Learn the vampire strategies and their history.

Go to swim into the lake. Swim until he tells you to stop.

Cry.

Eat.

Sleep three hours in the afternoon.

Let him take you to the top of the highest trees. Learn obedience. Try to jump.

Fail to obey. Coward. Pitiful.

Cry.

Eat.

Let Jasper bathe you. Let him massage soothing cream into your aching muscles. Let him brush your hair. Let him kiss you.

Sleep.

"I can't do this anymore," I whispered one morning into my pillow. I woke up to the aching in my muscles as usual. It was the end of August, the twenty second day of my training and I couldn't break through.

"Why are you saying that?" he asked me from behind as he was spooning me.

"I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't even know how I feel anymore," I sobbed. "I feel like I'm falling apart."

His fingers made slow circles on my skin as if he wanted to soothe me but his emotions were swirling around us in calming waves, but it didn't work. And this time I didn't even do anything against them.

"What the hell is happening to me, Jasper?" I whispered "I just can't do it right."

He rolled me over in a swift motion until our eyes locked.

"Listen to me, Brownie," he said quietly. "You are doing fine. More than fine, I have to admit. You train hard every day and every day you make progress. The first day you nearly passed out after the first mile of running. You were going to fall from a ten foot high apple tree."

His hair fell forward as we gazed at each other intently.

"Yesterday, you ran six miles and you were doing fine on the top of a 100 foot high pine. You are going to make it, trust me."

"Trust?" I squeaked. "Don't mention it... I'm an epic failure. I can't even properly trust you!"

"Bella, stop it." His tone grew serious. "I forbid you to talk like this. You are going to break through. You did it once on the beach. We just need to find the way to help you control it."

And so the new day started.

And that's how I ended up on the top of the highest pine in the county, clutching it for dear life.

"I hate you!" I cried out, because it was the truth at that moment. Do you think it's impossible to hate someone who you love with your life? Well, try stand on a thick branch for hours, while the sharp wind makes you shiver and you feel like you are going to die every other second.

All that fuss was about awakening my conscious; it was something a human was never able to do before. A newborn maybe, yet I was plain, old, boring Bella, the chief's daughter and the girlfriend of Jasper.

I knew he was somewhere beneath me. He told me the ultimate trust was going to born at the same moment I decided to believe he'd catch me if I jumped. Just a tiny step into the air, just relax my fingers and release my hold on the branch. Twenty two days, hours of suffering, cursing, and begging without success. He was so fucking patient with me, repeating the same words over and over; his emotions reassuring, calming, soothing. Yet, I wasn't able to make that final step.

Today wasn't different.

Except one little detail. He wasn't assuring me about his love today. I didn't feel his emotions radiating towards me. I felt truly and utterly alone, and the sun was setting.

"Jasper?" I called out for him, but there was no answer coming from beneath. I looked around, catching the beauty of the last rays of light over the horizon. I became distracted long enough to forget my fear that made me so uncooperative. I inhaled the scent of the pine deeply; this was the first time I actually enjoyed watching and feeling the beautiful scenery around me. It was breathtaking with all those colours mixing in the sky, illuminating the dark woods around me, as the golden rays of the sun were sparkling in the distance, bathing in the waves of the lake nearby.

I closed my eyes, letting my feelings wash over me without abandon. I tried to control myself for too long; to stay quiet and guarded, fighting with the constant inferiority complex of mine, never truly enjoying myself in life.

I felt the inhibitions falling from me piece after mind drifted back to that beach where Jasper first talked to me. How was I able to stop him? Was it a sudden wave of adrenaline making me strong enough to fight him?

And how could I defend myself against Jake that fateful night?

What happened back then?

I went through those events at least a thousand times during the last three weeks without successfully picking up the only thing that made me so strong that I could repel a vampire and a werewolf.

'Stop trying,' a voice inside me tried to reason; it sounded almost like Edward was talking to me.

'_My life was a moonless night...' _he said once. _'And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty...'_

Oh poor Edward.

I didn't even try to make anything; I always felt inferior in his presence, I was doing nothing just trying to tune in with his emotions.

My eyes shot open and I was back in the present, still holding the tree trunk for dear life.

I didn't try to be strong when I pushed Jasper away from me.

I didn't feel strong when I stopped Jake from raping me.

Edward started to compose again, to live again when I didn't try to do anything. When I let his whole being flow through me and there was nothing except my beating heart and his emotions dancing around each other effortlessly. I thought it was Jasper's influence and it really was.

When Jake was going to rape me and I surrendered to my fate, I didn't try to fight, to force anything. I let myself drift away towards Jasper, a soul looking for its other half.

And I felt the power surging over me in giant waves when I felt it again, the connection melting and merging our souls, Jasper's and mine into one, the emotions bursting and sparkling like fireworks, flashing with all colours imaginable.

I didn't know where Jasper was at that moment; all I could feel was a gentle tug at my heart and I turned into that direction, feeling blind and deaf. I felt my fingers relaxing as I released the branch slowly, feeling a little dizzy but I was never happier. The rays of light caressed my face and I smiled to myself, before taking a step forward...

... and falling

What if he wasn't waiting for me down there?

(_Don't let yourself be hurt this time_)

Falling

What purpose would my death serve then?

(_Then I saw your face)_

falling

I didn't even live until today...

(_Then I saw your smile_)

Falling

I'd had my dreams and nightmares... which one was waiting for me down there?

(_Then your kiss is so soft_)

Falling

Would it hurt if I died?

(_Then your touch is so warm_)

Falling

Would it become the place of ultimate peace?

(_Yet something is different_)

Falling

Is there any peace existing without Jasper?

(_Are we falling in love?)_


	20. Chapter 20

**This chapter is betad by the wonderful mouse555 who made this chapter readable. I'm eternally thankful for her help.**

**Sorry for the long delay, girls. I lost my musie for anything regarding Twilight but since I'm still getting your great reviews and PMs, I decided to finish this story for you. Thanks for your support and encouraging words and ideas!**

CHAPTER 20

"You look good, kid." Charlie's soft voice startled me and I looked up at him, surprised.

I was standing in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom I shared with Jasper, inspecting myself with scrutiny, dressed in a knee length black dress with spaghetti straps. My hair was curled and pinned into a messy yet cute bun on the top of my head, which I was eternally thankful to Esme for helping me with it. She had done my make up and shown me how to wear heels; because honestly, if I could choose, I'd go for my comfy Converse every time.

"Thank you, Dad." I turned around to hug him, which took him by surprise. We've never shown much affection towards each other. We were more 'you know I love you but let's talk about something else', and my relationship with Renee wasn't much warmer.

Somehow, along the way, surrounded by so many new things, a fair distance from Forks and the rain, as my body started to change and my muscles began to feel tighter and firmer, and the way Jasper's face lit up every time he saw me. I felt like something, that was well hidden within my body and soul, slowly began to unfold and turn me towards the sun. I was turning nineteen soon and I felt, finally, like I actually belonged to this world.

The endless encouragement coming from Sue and Esme, despite the fact that they were natural enemies , made me feel more confident and trusting. I still felt awkward during some conversations, but finally I no longer felt like a huge fail.

And it had a lot to do with the way Jasper treated me. Not as a fragile porcelain doll, nor as if I wasn't capable of taking responsibility for my actions. He made me do things I never did before, and as I was now able to step into the air from the biggest tree in the country ever since he made me believe that he was in fact waiting to catch me before my body hit the ground. We rarely spoke to each other anymore, we started to communicate by way of our emotions. What was only an illusion with Edward, became a reality with Jasper; moving around like the opposite poles of a magnet, always close and orbiting around each other.

But he hasn't touched me since the first day of my training. We slept in the same bed and we spent every single minute of the days together yet he never attempted to approach me intimately. I welcomed it at the beginning since I was exhausted most of the times, that I just fell in the bed and was sound asleep before my face hit the pillow. But then… I waited. And waited.

It wasn't about the lack of desire. In fact, I felt him watching me with a hunger that matched the bloodlust, yet he kept his distance. And I was left struggling with my inner demons and insecurities.

Recalling my memories about how many times I had tried to seduce Edward without any success, I decided I was not going to become wanton and cheap again. It was a battle of wills between Edward and me before. But with Jasper, it was different. It was more. There was something going on in his mind and sometimes I also sensed that he felt insecure in my presence. Insecure? I almost laughed out loud the first time I felt this emotions but he looked so hurt and rejected almost instantly that I learned to keep my reactions tamed and guarded but honestly, I hated it.

My body was adjusting to the presence of muscles and I could see that I was in a much better shape than ever. as My hair shone, my body was toned and tanned, my legs supple, my breasts full and firm. I just knew he found these changes desirable.

Sometimes I found myself devouring him as my gaze swept over his taut muscles and lean body causing my body to beg for a release. My skin became more sensitive to his touches and sometimes I'd had a feeling I would combust from the need of a sexual release. Other times I found myself almost drooling at the sight of his fingers, recalling the way they used to move over my body. Sometimes I watched the way his full lips moved while talking and I licked my lips in response, the need to touch him slowly became almost a physical pain deep inside my body.

Tonight was the worst of all. He invited some of his friends over for a dinner and I wondered what kind of friends he could have. As long as I had known him, he had allies and comrades, maybe some good acquaintances, but not friends. I asked Esme about it, but she only smiled cryptically and told me I had to look beautiful for dinner.

But then, before my makeover started, I saw Jasper shrug from his faded jeans and white t-shirt; after taking a quick shower, he emerged dressed in a dark grey suit with a crisp white dress shirt and I was a goner in a seconds. He looked so damn handsome that my knees weakened at the sight. He just flashed an amused smirk at the intensity of my lust his eyes sparkling with mirth before leaving the room to meet his guests, leaving me high and dry.

I didn't have time to follow him and beg for even a single kiss because Esme and Sue started to work their magic and for the next two hours I was surrounded by their happy chatting, presenting me with the feeling of a big and happy family.

Finally, I was standing in front of the mirror, wondering at my reflection. I barely recognized the girl that looked back at me and who mimicked all my movements and facial expressions.

"You don't look bad yourself," I complimented Charlie as we parted. He really looked better since Sue threw out his plaid shirts and made him wear more fitting dark t-shirts, button ups and also, one day he appeared with his mustache gone and suddenly he didn't look like my dad anymore. It was hard to admit, but my father looked… handsome.

"Sue sent me to pick you up and to escort you to dinner." He playfully rolled his eyes and I chuckled in response, before linking my arms into his and we left the room. "You know, kid, I almost miss your clumsiness." He murmured as we left the house and he led me across the yard to the small restaurant nearby. The scent of ripe apples became stronger, apple picking season was due to start in a couple of days. "This Jasper has completely changed you."

"Dad, you can't be serious." I grinned at him sadly.. I wasn't his insecure, teen daughter with conflicted emotions anymore and he had a hard time adjusting. "I'll always be the same, trust me."

"The guests are already here so don't embarrass me." He smirked at me as we approached the colonial styled family restaurant.

"Do you know who are they?" I asked a little bit distressed.

"I haven't been introduced to them yet and I saw them only from distance. All I know the man is blond like Jasper."

My heart skipped a beat. Could it be that-

"Oh here you are!" Esme's kind voice interrupted the trail of my thoughts as we entered the elegant room. The table was set for everyone though at this point Charlie hadn't questioned why their plates were never used. Carlisle tried to keep him occupied during the dinners or they politely excused themselves but it couldn't escape Charlie's attention that they almost never actually ate.

Looking around, I saw there were two free chairs left at the table, one next to Sue, the other next to Jasper. He was in a heated conversation with the tall blond man but their hushed tones were too low for me to make out what they were talking about. I tried to focus on Jasper's emotions, but they were filled with confusion and even a bit of an anger. Anger? He rarely got angry anymore.

My gaze narrowed as I approached my chair and before I could touch Jasper's shoulder, a woman I had never seen before, stood up held out her hand, shaking mine in a polite gesture.

"Hi, I'm Charlotte and this is my husband, Peter." She said in a pleasant tone but a second later her smile faded and she let my hand go in an instant. She looked at me with a horrified expression, which made Jasper and Peter raise their heads and turn in our direction.

The world stopped moving for a second as our gazes met. It felt like the heat rose several degrees as Jasper's eyes filled with hunger, taking in my appearance. I sensed his emotions breaking through the walls of his polite indifference and hit me with almost terrifying force, swirling around me, penetrating my pores, coaxing me closer. It felt like I was being compelled as I took a step closer and my mouth became dry at the intensity of his stare.

To distract myself I turned my gaze to Peter and I immediately saw the striking resemblance between them. Jasper stood up and kissing the top of my hand, he put his arms around my waist.

"Bella, Charlie, this is my brother and his wife," He introduced us and his body felt hot against mine. I knew it wasn't the smartest move to sweat and sport a pounding heart in the presence of so many vampires but I couldn't control my emotions. It was so weird how they reacted to my proximity. Peter's nostrils flared as he took a sip of my scent and his smile grew significantly wider. Charlotte, on the other hand, looked still horrified and kept her distance.

After the introduction, we had had a very strained dinner, complete with wry smiles and weird looks exchanged.

"Do you mind telling us how your research is going?" Carlisle asked Peter with a smile, as he took a sip of his blood red wine and assuming from his satisfied smirk, he'd had some blood mixed into the liquid as well.

Peter cleared his throat and for a second I didn't know if it's only a charade played for Charlie's sake or it was about something else.

"You know, I'm close to resolving the problem; all I need is the last sparkle, a detail to finish the job."

"What kind of research do you do?" Charlie cut in, always the cop who needs every bit of information to make a picture.

"You could say, I do some research in the medical area, working with blood and doing research in how it interacts with other substances." He said smoothly.

"Do you want to find some solution for blood diseases? Like in cancer?" Charlie pried further and I watched him with wide eyes. Jasper sensed my nerves and entwined his fingers with mine under the table.

"You could say that." Peter smiled at him. "It's more about reversing a process that seems to be impossible to do."

"Reverse a process?" Charlie was definitely confused now.

"Dad…" I felt uncomfortable for a reason unknown to me. Maybe, for a second I was afraid he'd come too close to the truth and I couldn't imagine what would happen after that.

"I'm going to ask what is taking them long." Sue announced, after sharing a knowing look with Esme and stood from the table. "Charlie, would you accompany me?"

"The kitchen is ten feet away." He murmured to himself but still, he followed her.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the table and I felt their eyes on me as I sat there with downcast eyes, gripping Jasper's hand.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly when I finally looked up at them.

"It might be her." Peter ignored my question as he addressed Jasper.

"Is it possible?" Esme whispered in awe and hope.

"It would change everything." Carlisle added with an enthusiastic smile. I was sure they were talking about my improved defending skills until Charlotte spoke up.

"Don't be so sure, guys." She almost hissed in annoyance. The gazes snapped back to her.

"What are you talking about?"

"When I touched her, I sensed something…" She struggled to find the right word.

"What did you sense?"

"Wrong. I sensed something wrong." She repeated the word and cold chills shot through my body in response.

"You must be mistaken." Jasper said in a steady voice, not even a spark of doubt shadowing his emotions. "She'd never betray us."

"Maybe she just doesn't know about it yet." She said cryptically and I started to get upset.

"Excuse me, she is sitting here and hears you well." I bit out but before she could respond, Charlie and Sue returned to the table.

We ate the dessert in an uncomfortable silence and though I felt Charlie's questioning gaze on me, I refused to look up from my plate until I finished my chocolate cake.

"My dear guests," Carlisle spoke up, "Would you be so kind to join us in the wine cellar? They have the most exquisite Calvados from the best years down there."

"Sure," Peter stood up with a smile and Charlotte followed him though not before shooting a glare in my direction.

"Bella?" Jasper held out his hand for me but I shook my head.

"I'm going for a walk." My emotions were guarded and sending him the message that I wanted to be alone.

He was stunned and ignoring my unsaid plea, he took me by the hand.

"I'm going with you." He said authoritatively.

"Bells, everything's okay?" Charlie watched me with concern and I realized everyone was watching our silent interaction.

"I'm good. Come, Jasper, let's take a walk." I smiled at him and let him lead me out to the yard into the night.

Neither of us spoke until we reached the woods then I turned to face him.

"So?"

"So what?" He echoed in confusion. "You are holding your emotions from me, I can't read you."

"I'm glad." I bit out. "How does it feel?"

"Like being in the dark. Bella, what's going on?"

"I could ask you the same. You never mentioned that your brother is was going to visit us and that his wife is oh-so-judgy-and-always-right." I took a deep breath. "What the hell does she know about me? How could she question my loyalty to you?"

"I don't know." He sounded defeated. "Charlotte sometimes acts weirdly but never like this. I don't remember seeing her be this rude to anyone before."

"And that's all you have to say?" I demanded, raising my voice.

"I'm just trying to figure out her attitude." He stated calmly.

"I thought you'd stand up for me."

"I didn't see the reason why. You defended yourself pretty well." He said proudly. "I taught you how to protect yourself and if I recall, I warned you about vampires. Sometimes they don't give a shit about the manners or people's feelings. I thought you learned your lesson."

"I'd have appreciated your support."

"Don't be childish."

"What?" I screamed at him, and my fists turned into tight balls. "Excuse me for my stupidity, because I expected my boyfriend to have my back tonight but all I get is a slave driver instead of the man I love!"

"This has nothing to do with the fact that I love you. You need to grow up and realize that not everything goes as you planned or dreamed about." He said simply.

"What does this mean?" I was seeing red in my fury.

"It means that though I don't agree with the way Charlotte spoken to you, I checked her emotions, and she was truly puzzled and terrified. Something about you scared her to death and though I'd never doubt you, her words make me think."

"About what?" I was bitter now. "If you think I could betray you, then don't catch me next time I decide to jump from the top of a tree."

"Don't be ridiculous."

We glared at each other before I turned away, feeling utterly hurt.

"Bella, look at me."

"No."

I felt his fingers underneath my chin and knowing he was stronger than me, I decided to unleash my emotions on him, to stop him.

"Ouch," He stumbled back a little and I felt smug for a second. But my victory was short lived because I sensed him struggling against my blocking him. Gazing into the darkness, I wondered why we were arguing and why had it hurt like hell to discover that Jasper might have been a tentative and affectionate boyfriend, deep inside he remained who he was, _what_ he was.

"Let me in, Bella."

I didn't bother to respond as I kept my emotions from him.

"You are playing a dangerous game here…" He warned me and I felt him coming closer.

"Touch me, Jasper, and I'll show you how dangerous my game can be." I seethed as I slowly turned back to him, feeling that strange power pool in my arms heading towards my fingertips.

His eyes darkened as he slowly approached me.

"You wouldn't dare." He said quietly.

"Try me." I glared at him and feeling his emotions swirling and tightening around me, I knew I wouldn't last long. He was getting upset and angry. The circles under his eyes told me that it's been a while since he'd fed and his control was cracking.

He took a step closer, his look almost menacing.

"I said, let me in, Bella."

"No." I remained standing in the same spot, under a dark, old tree, maybe the same one I was standing on several days before.

"You refuse to obey?"

"You're not my master tonight."

"I'm always your master, Bella." Anger flashed up his eyes. "And I command you to apologize now."

"No way." I replied without missing a beat, raising my hand. One touch and he'd be airborne once again. He glanced at my hand knowingly.

"You can't stop me with your little trick tonight." His tone was firm and something started to change within me. He looked so damn handsome in his suit tonight, and my body had felt so neglected for the past weeks that I couldn't help my eyes sweeping over him.

If he recognized the look in my eyes, he didn't let me know. He was so worked up as he walked closer, and his fingers raked through his blond curls as he tried to calm down a little.

I didn't want him to calm down, I realized. I wanted him to loose his control, to be, for a second, who he really was. I craved to see his rage, to have him unleash his anger on me.

"You are too weak to fight it." I taunted him, knowing that it would spur him on more.

"Bella, don't test me…" He said in a warning tone, taking a deep breath, grasping the last straw of his self control.

"No one's testing you, honey." I said in a sickly sweet tone as I leaned against the tree, watching him with an amused smirk. I don't know what had gotten into me tonight, maybe the lust I felt or maybe I just wanted to get this argument over with and move on. "Show me the Major, love, and I'll show you my emotions in return."

His eyes widened in surprise, and my subconscious gaped at me in wonder.

"Bella…" He let out a strained gasp. "Don't…"

"Come on, be yourself, just for one fucking second of your existence!" I cried out desperately.

I wanted to shout, yell and kick but I could do none of it, because, suddenly his lips crashed to mine and he kissed me so hard and in such a passionate way that it instantly made my insides melt and my knees weak.

He didn't wait for my approval as his tongue pried my lips open, to join mine in a wild dance. We kissed hungrily, devouring each other, letting out every pent up frustration. He pressed me against the tree with his body, his hands on my hips, lifting me a little as my hands went around his neck, pulling him closer. It felt so fucking good to kiss him with abandon, to feel his toned body stealing the heat from mine while one of his knees came between my legs, rubbing me just in the right way.

"I want you…" I breathed into his parted lips as my fingers played with the collar of his shirt.

"I could hurt you…" He groaned into my neck before taking my earlobe between his lips, sucking at them not too gently.

"Don't care…" I said huskily as I started to move against his body, eliciting a moan from him. He placed one of his hands next to my head on the tree trunk before his other hand slid over my hip, lower, until he reached the hem of my skirt. I gasped as his cold fingers touched the heated skin of my thigh but did nothing to stop him.

"Bella…" He let out an agonizing sound when my fingers undid the buttons on his shirt deftly, yearning to feel the touch of his bare skin. It had been too long since I last touched him in a way a woman touches a man and I couldn't exist longer without having him.

I kissed my way from his lips to his neck, tracing the line of his jugular with my tongue, eliciting a pleasure filled moan from him.

"You are going to be the death of me…" He wheezed as his hand tugged at the hem of my panties until a slight ripping sound and a friction burn on my thighs claimed them as officially ripped off.

It was so different, seeing him like this. His eyes remained golden, yet burning with desire and before he could do anything, I touched his chest with the tip of my forefinger which flashed out enough power to make him stumble back and with a gentle push, he fell onto his back on the ground.

"What the…" He couldn't finish whatever he wanted to say because I was on him in an instant, straddling his hips. I felt bold and brave and suddenly, my hands were roaming over his naked chest, stroking and caressing my way to the south and my lips followed their path. "Bella…"

"Shh…" I whispered against his skin licking the delicious V that led to the happy trail of hair while my hands worked on his belt. My heart was racing in anticipation as I finally freed his hardness from the constricting hold of the material and his member sprang free in front of my hungry eyes. When I took him between my hands, probing and caressing him, his seemingly lifeless hands came to life and he pulled me up to my previous position.

Pushing the straps of the dress gently aside, he cupped my bare breasts, giving them a squeeze. I dipped my head back as his thumbs circled my nipples with a mind blowing expertise, until they stood up proudly in the cool air.

"Jasper…" I gasped as he sat up and pulled one of my peaks between his lips, licking and sucking gently, carefully. "More, please…" I closed my eyes when after a second of hesitation I felt his teeth tugging at the engorged flesh and soothing the nip with his tongue instantly. I was lost in the swirling emotions and sensations as he kissed and sucked at my nipples, one after another, repeatedly, making my head spin with desire.

Arching into his mouth, my fingers found his rock hard cock, running my fingertips over it's mushroom shaped head, squeezing and stroking, rather eagerly than expertly but he didn't seem to mind. He shuddered slightly and exhaled sharply under my touch, encouraging me to do what felt natural. His free hand found it's way under the hem of my skirt again, making me shiver when he didn't stop and slid into my wet heated centre. His fingers circled over my mound, never delving deeper, as if he was waiting for something, for my command or plea, I wasn't sure.

I tilted my pelvis, silently begging him to do something, anything but apparently, he was oblivious to my body talk, teasing my nipples and kissing his way to my collarbone and higher until he found my lips again, kissing me deeply, languidly. He ground into me sensuously once, twice, his cock rubbing against my clit which made me almost squeal with joy but again, the friction wasn't enough to give me the satisfaction I needed; it only ignited the fire within me.

"Jasper…" I moaned into his mouth and I felt him smirk in response. He knew what he was doing to me. "Touch me…"

"Where?" He whispered back and our eyes locked.

"You know where." I narrowed my gaze at him and grabbing the hand that still rested underneath my skirt motionless, pushed him against my aching wet flesh. He didn't hesitate this time and spreading my nether lips his fingers found my clit and started to rub gently. One of my hands snaked around his neck and I pulled him into a feverish kiss, our tongues mating, dancing, massaging each other as he stroked that sensitive bundle of nerves until I started to shiver and my stomach started to tighten with the telltale signal of my building release. Two of his fingers slid into my hot, awaiting body and my inner walls welcomed him greedily while his thumbs created teasing circles around my clit, strong enough to drive me crazy, but left me teetering on the precipice of my orgasm, always slowing down when I thought that finally he was going to take his mercy on me.

"I want to feel you inside…" I whispered between the gasps because I knew what he was waiting for. He wanted me to ask for it, to express my want, my feelings, knowing it was the hardest thing for me to do, to follow my desires and giving into them.

Wrapping my arm around his shoulder I shifted a little as he lined himself up and gently rubbing his cock back and forth between my lips he let the anticipation build up to an unbearable level.

"I love you Brownie." He said sincerely before slowly pushing his way inside and my tight muscles clenched around his hard member. My body forgot how big he actually was and a slight discomfort shot through my lower half. "I love you…" His words turned my insides into molten lava and I felt myself relax and adjust to his size as his fingers found my outer lips again and rubbed me until I gave him a smile as a sign that he could move… and move he did.

He pulled out and pushed back as his lips found the sensitive skin over my collarbone, sucking at it gently while my fingers were buried in his golden tresses, holding him close as the pleasure started to spread through my veins, making my body hum with desire. His thrusts became more urgent with each minute and I let out a ragged breath and rolling my hips I joined him, meeting thrust for thrust, giving myself completely over to the sensation.

"You are incredible…" He gasped into my neck before lifting his chin and kissing me deeply, ravaging my mouth passionately. Our hips swiveled in unison and I found myself arching into his arms gracefully as the passion took away my inhibitions. Our eyes locked and so many thoughts were on my mind yet I couldn't say a word just pant and gasp and moan as I let him control my body, my mind and my soul.

He took one nipple between his lips, sucking and nibbling and for a second it felt like his razor sharp teeth penetrated my skin but after a moment of hesitation I threw that thought away because it couldn't, wouldn't happen… he was careful, he always knew where to draw a line…

His thrusts became hard and his thumb between our bodies moved more urgently and I knew we were rushing towards our release.

"You feel so good…" I said in a heated tone and before I could think about anything else, he pressed his thumb against my sex and my world started to spiral out of the control, my body tightened, my muscles clenched around him, milking him urgently and it was so good, so exquisite that I didn't even realize what happened. One moment we were screaming our release as he poured himself into me and the next second his sharp teeth sank into the soft skin of my neck.

"Jasper… what are you doing?" I panted as my orgasm became stronger with every pull of his lips as he sucked at the vein, letting my blood flood into his mouth.

I felt high and strong for a blissful moment and when the world started to fade around me into darkness, my last thought was how perfect it was, giving myself completely to him, and for a second, we were one before my limbs became weaker, my eyes rolled back in my head and my head fell onto his shoulder lifelessly. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Discl.: I own nothing but this plot is mine.**

**I want to thank mouse555 who's a wonderful beta and an amazing person, for helping me with this chapter and making it readable. **

CHAPTER 21

"Words like violence  
Break the silence  
Come crashing in  
Into my little world  
Painful to me  
Pierce right through me…"

- Depeche Mode: Enjoy The Silence -

"Bella…" A kind voice called my name softly from a big distance. The darkness still surrounded me like a warm embrace and it felt so good, so calm there that I found it hard to find the way to the light.

"Bells, you need to wake up." Charlie's voice carried more authority and his tone was more urging and impatient.

Opening my eyes slowly, my eyes were instantly hit with the painfully sharp light of a lightbulb above me. As I took in my surroundings, I discovered I was lying in the bed of our room. I felt weak and confused, trying to swallow but my mouth felt incredibly dry.

"What's the time?" I tried to focus on his face.

"It's almost noon. You were unconscious for the past three days." Charlie said quietly, making an effort to appear calm and content about it.

"What happened?" I croaked out and my eyes darted around the room only to see Carlisle standing there with a concerned expression on his face.

"An animal attacked both Jasper and you in the woods last night." Charlie said. "Jasper brought you here and then he…"

"He what?" I sat up with widening eyes. My memories were slowly coming back and all I could remember was making love to Jasper in the woods. "Where is he?" The silence was deafening. "Tell me what happened to Jasper?"

"Can you tell us, how do you feel, Bella?" Carlisle took a step closer.

"What does my condition have to do with this situation?" I demanded while Carlisle and Charlie shared a look.

"Sweetie," My head shot up at the unusual endearment. "I'm going to wait outside while Carlisle checks your injuries."

"Dad, wait…" I spoke up but he already left the room.

"Carlisle, what's going on?" I tried to hide the panic rising within me but my voice still trembled a bit.

"Bella, before we talk about Jasper, I need to ask you a few questions."

"I want to see him first." I replied stubbornly.

"I know. But still, I need you to ask how you feel."

"I'm a bit weak, I guess." I sighed in defeat. "It feels like hangover."

"No pain?"

I shook my head.

"No burning? Agony?"

"Carlisle, why are you asking me these things? It's not like some vampire bit me…" My voice died as the memories of last night came rushing back. Tossing the sheets aside, I scurried to the mirror in the bathroom only to gasp in horror. There was a bandage across the left side of my neck. My face was pale and my eyes bloodshot. My fingers touched the bandage and removed the tape.

"This is…" I felt like hyperventilating at the sight of my marred skin which already started to heal.

"You were bitten," Carlisle's voice came from a distance though he was standing next to me, "Jasper brought you back last night. You were barely breathing. He almost drained you… you were not going to make it." His words sounded grave, scaring me.

"What's happening to me?" My voice shook and fear started to overtake my mind. "Apparently, I'm not dead."

"Nobody knows, Bella. As cruel as it sounds, you should have died from the blood loss." He sighed "I watched you all night long. I waited for the telltale signs of your body starting to transform. Your heartbeat should have slowed down. You should have screamed from pain… but as the hours passed, your heart started to pump blood again… I checked your vitals this morning and you were just perfectly fine."

"Did I even have Jasper's venom in my system?" I knew I was grasping at straws but everything sounded surreal to my ears.

"A big amount, actually." He nodded. "Once he realised what he did on accident, he fed you his venom so you wouldn't die but…"

"Transform." My mouth moved on its own volition.

"You have to understand him. He didn't want you to die."

I walked back to the bedroom, sinking onto the bed.

"But I didn't." I murmured to myself. "Carlisle, I don't understand any of it."

"Neither do I."

"Where's Jasper?" Carlilse looked at me hesitantly. "I can handle the truth."

"Jasper is…" He cleared his throat.

The door suddenly flew open and a very angry Charlotte barged in. Her eyes were black as coal and her lips pulled back from her razor sharp teeth. I gulped nervously.

"Jasper is dead!" She yelled, her features turning murderous. "You killed him!"

"Wh-what?" I stuttered, blanching. Her words were the worst thing I ever heard. "It can't be. Carlisle, tell me she's lying."

He remained silent and I felt tears pooling in my eyes. Stumbling to the bed as my legs gave out from underneath me. Jasper was dead. The love of my life was gone.

"I'm not a liar." Charlotte seethed. "From the first time I saw you, I knew you were bad news. You made him weak and helpless. You slowed down his plan. All he did was follow you like a lost puppy for the past two years. Peter and I tried to reason with him after he attacked you at that stupid birthday party. He even let go one of the strongest vampires in the world because of you."

"Alice?"

"Yes, Alice. Why do you think he married her?" She scoffed, walking closer. "That pitiful neurotic bitch made my head hurt all the time and she treated Jasper like trash. She was running from her sire and Jasper was the only one who was able to put up with her fucked up ideas. The only good thing she did was to lead him to the Cullens." My head snapped in her direction, confused. Though I never thought that Jasper's marriage was made out of pure love, yet it took me by surprise to hear this. How many other things hadn't he told me yet?

"Charlotte, stop it." Carlisle spoke up with an undeniable authority in his voice and fear flashed in Charlotte's eyes as he took a step towards her. Both of them looked lethal and murderous and I'd give anything to have Jasper there so he could have stopped them.

"No, I'm not going to stop. The last two years were like hell for me! When Jasper failed to kill this human, he called my husband. They talked for days like you were something special." It was obvious from the way she regarded me, that she despised me, "And then Peter completely changed. He had an intuition that didn't let him be. He started to study the old books, looking for some mythological ancient stories. He travelled all around the world to discover something that could prove his thesis. All the while this poor excuse of a human was mourning our fag Edward."

My mind went blank as I tried to tune her voice out and deep sorrow started to overshadow my mind. It couldn't be true. Jasper couldn't be dead.

"I want to see him." I spoke up and both of them turned to me surprised.

"You did enough, _human." _Charlotte sneered and lunged at me.

"Charlotte, no!" Carlisle tried to grab her but she was too angry and pushed him away. Carlisle stumbled back and before he could react, Charlotte was over me, pushing me into the mattress. Her fingers closed around my neck and her squeeze turned painful in a matter of seconds.

"I'm going to end you and no one will stop me." Her sweet breath fanned my face and for a second, I closed my eyes, suppressing the urge to chuckle because after all things that happened to me, I never thought I'd die like this.

Her fingers started to close around my throat with a lethal intention, pressing against my windpipe and I started to feel dizzy. My thoughts were racing and I tried to grasp at tiny pieces of reality. I was going to die… and somehow, the thought left me unfazed.

My thoughts drifted back to all those occasions when I almost died and always escaped with the help of the others… when James attacked me, then Jasper, the meeting with the Volturi, Jake, Edward… the list was far too long for my liking. How did I survive them?

How…?

And then, in a time that seemed like hours but in real were just mere seconds, my hand raised up on its own volition, touching her hand and she let me go with a hiss.

"Are you seriously trying your little trick on me?" She sneered at me, but let me go with Carlisle's help as he practically yanked her off me.

"Sorry if I don't want to die today." I snickered at her before sitting up. I felt the power surge through me and the apathy vanished from my thoughts. Straightening my shirt, I put my feet on the ground and stood up from the bed. "Carlisle, I'd like to see Jasper."

He blinked in surprise.

"You would?" He cleared his throat. "I mean… do you feel strong enough to see him?"

I raised my brow at him.

"Maybe you should finally start to trust me when I'm saying I'm not as fragile as you tend to think of me." I said with a tight smile, glancing at Charlotte who looked like she was ready to attack me again. "I don't care if he looks ugly, or if there are scars all over him. I only need to be there where he is."

"You never cease to amaze me." Carlisle murmured "Okay then, come with me, Bella. Charlotte, can you please tell Peter to come as well?"

Charlotte nodded hesitantly and left the room and Carlisle and I followed her path. Once I believed she was out of the earshot I turned to Carlisle.

"What did she mean by saying that Jasper is dead?" I asked quietly, dreading to hear the answer. "Is it true?"

Carlisle led me out of the house and across the yard.

"It's hard to say what's happening to him. He doesn't show any signs of life and we can't tell if he's alive or not, that's why…" He trailed off, glancing at me.

"That's why you haven't set him on fire yet." I finished the sentence, trying to mask the horror I felt inside. My hands were clammy and cold; I felt like I was standing on that cliff again, looking into the deep blue ocean underneath my feet. All I needed was a push and I'd break like a porcelain doll.

"You seem so content about it." He said with a wonder in his tone.

"I'm not." I whispered, swallowing the tears that threatened to fall. "I need to see him myself. I need evidence. And then…" I took a deep breath "And then I can break and cry."

We walked in silence until we reached the summer house.

"Why is he here?" I was afraid that I'd lose it, like saying his name would break some spell.

"We didn't want to take him to a morgue. It'd lead to unnecessary questions. Sue convinced her relatives that Jasper doesn't feel well and needs a rest."

"That's very insightful." I swallowed another lump in my throat and clenched my fists to hide the trembling that seemed to shake my body no matter that I wanted to control it.

The night was dark and the sky was clouded, no star and no moon showed themselves; even the nature mourned him.

"Bella," Sue greeted me on the porch, pulling me into a hug. "I'm so glad to see you are okay."

"Thank you," I answered robotically wanting nothing else, just to see him.

"Come," She said simply, sensing my anxiety. I followed her, slowly tuning out all voices and sounds around me, feeling like I was walking on pillows, weightless.

I saw my hand being stretched towards the door handle and finding Peter sitting on a chair next to the bed in the room that looked similar to the one I'd shared with Jasper.

"Can I have a second with him?" I whispered quietly and the soft click of the door told me that they accepted my plea.

Peter rose from his chair but a sudden movement of my hand made him halt.

"Stay." For some reason, I felt like we were sharing some secret in this room. He was Jasper's brother for longer than two or three lifetimes. He deserved to be there for his brother.

Taking in my surroundings, I noticed things I never gave two cents about, things, like the pattern of the yellow wallpaper that matched the one on the carpet; the small statues on shelves the exotic plants in vivid coloured pots. I noticed and looked everywhere, trying to prolong the moment when I had to look at him and face the truth.

I tried to suppress the nudging feeling inside that this time; I couldn't run away and leave everything behind because it wouldn't change the reality, the fact that Jasper… was gone. I sensed people standing at the door and I knew they were watching me warily, like I would break at any moment.

Then there was nothing else to look at at the room.

The moment was there, I approached the bed and had to look down and see _him. _He was lying there in his crisp white shirt and black suit, similar to the one he wore that night when everything went to hell. Someone must have changed his clothes; I could still remember my blood on his shirt.

His face was peaceful as if he was only sleeping.

First, my fingers searched for his hand. Then, my knees gave out underneath me.

My head fell next to his, my hair covering a part of his shoulder and chest, waiting for the tears to come. But my eyes remained dry, burning and deserted.

His lifeless fingers felt almost warm in mine as I tried to breathe life in them with my caresses. I listened to the silence that surrounded us and for once I understood the uselessness of words. Thoughts came flowing into my mind and leaving, about things we never said and vows we'd never made. I tried to express how sorry I felt that I provoked him until the point of no return.

I traced his face with the tips of my fingers, trying to memorize every feature. His skin felt softer and it looked like a soft blush kissed his cheeks. Or just maybe my mind was playing tricks with me.

"He looks different," I whispered, "he doesn't look like he's dead…" I knew I sounded pitiful but my mind tried to grasp after any straw of hope, refusing the accept the inevitable.

"Technically, he isn't." Peter's soft voice broke the silence.

"He isn't dead?" I lifted my head from the pillow startled. "Then what's happening to him?"

"Look," He cleared his throat "I think this whole situation does something have to do with your blood."

"I figured." I murmured disappointed.

"It's not what you mean." He lowered his voice so I could barely hear him. "There was something odd about you from the beginning."

"Thank you."

"There's no need for your sarcasm, Bella. I'm trying to help."

"Sorry." I bowed my head feeling like a child who was being scolded. "Go on."

"As I said, there was something odd about you from the beginning. Humans don't usually get this much attention from the vampires. Most of our kinds feed randomly on those who just had the bad luck of walking into the wrong alley. We don't think much about the victims pretty just as Carlisle's clan doesn't mourn the deers they feed on. But you… You were something different from the beginning. You brought the attention to you, vampires were searching you out, even the Volturi wanted to see you. You thought that it was Carlisle's influence that saved you from them?"

"I thought I was just lucky." I mumbled.

"Luck has nothing to do with that." He stated firmly. "After you left Volterra, there was a rumour spreading amongst the vampires that you scared the Volturi and they were afraid to kill you."

Closing my eyes, I relieved the horror of that evening wondering how much my life changed since then.

"When Jasper was left blamed for everything that happened that night, I hated you and I was ready to go and kill you." He confessed and his honesty brought me relief. It was refreshing to talk to someone who wasn't hiding their true nature. "But then something clicked and I remembered that ancient legend about the third wife."

"Yes, the quileutes told me about their myths and ancient stories."

"I thought about it and asked around. No one knew anything for sure; I found bits of information here and there and it took me two years to put them together."

"What did you find?"

"Well, it seems that the third wife's story is not a myth." I shuddered at his words. "The legend got transformed during the ages though. It tells that the third wife killed herself to attract the attention of the vampire who was slaying her family."

"Something tells me that things were different…" I whispered and he nodded.

"After meeting the members of the African coven, I learned that there was a very important detail left out a legend, and I believe it was done on purpose. Those tribes and nations, who know about the vampires and the legend of the third wife, keep this particular detail in secret on purpose."

"What detail?"

"Bella, apart from Jasper, did any of the vampires taste your blood yet?"

"James." I was confused at the abrupt change of the topic. "And Edward if we count that he had to suck out the venom from my wound."

"Didn't you find it weird that the Cullens could kill James relatively easily after that?"

"They outnumbered him."

"James was a very powerful vampire. He fought in lot of battles and never lost. I don't have proof because he's long gone but your blood did something to him."

"Jasper shared that James was significantly weaker when they fought him."

"And Edward got weaker for a several days after sucking the venom out of your vein." Carlisle spoke up from the bedroom door, letting himself in. "We didn't know what caused his weakness but he was never the same after that, even when he regained his strength."

"How much of Bella's blood could he digest?" Peter asked with interest.

"Not more than a gulp." Carlisle answered truthfully, "I was there and the second I sensed the venom was gone, I pulled Edward back, but he had already swallowed a mouthful of her blood."

I looked at them puzzled.

"What are you talking about?"

"Every single creature of the world has their own natural enemy, to keep the balance of the nature. If we look at it this way, and say, the vampires are the part of nature; we need to establish that there must be something that fights back."

"The quileutes?" I asked with a hope.

"The shifters," Peter corrected me, "are strong, yes. But they can be defeated. Oddly enough, from time to time there's a human child born that's different from the others. Usually, the chosen one lives on the periphery of the society, because even people feel that they are different." He regarded me with a warm look, similar to Jasper's and my heart clenched at the possibility that I'd never see him smile never again... "You maybe thought that you felt lonely in Arizona and later in Forks because of something you did."

I couldn't deny his words.

"Well, I hope it's going to make you happier if I tell you that it wasn't your fault. The humans like you are called amongst the vampire race as 'singers'."

"Edward called me that…"

"Edward…" He snorted. "He's a clueless kid who only follows his instincts thinking it was only the whisper of your blood. He couldn't be any less mistaken. The singer's blood is exquisite and drags the vampires like a moth to a flame. A singer may appear weaker physically, but they have a very strong spirit, and they don't fear the vampires because they are immune to their powers. Does is sound familiar, Isabella?"

I recalled Edward's complaining about my lack of self preservation in the presence of the vampires.

"What does this even mean?" I whispered.

"It means that if we go with this theory then we can say for sure that there needs to be a balance in the nature and the singers are establishing that. It was not a coincidence that the third wife lived with the shifters and we can't talk about a coincidence in your case either when you met the Black kid."

"Jake…"

"The shifters or as they are known in this area, the quileutes are guardians created to protect the 'singers'. They are overly protective and it's embedded so deep inside their genetic codes that they rather would kill the 'singer' than to hand them over to the vampires…"

"Oh my God…" I whimpered "The night Jake attacked me…"

"It wasn't because he couldn't control his hormones… it was because he couldn't control the power of his nature. It was stronger than him and he _had_ to kill you. A singer is not allowed to become a traitor. Your fraternizing with the Cullens is an abomination, something unheard of. I believe the Black kid didn't even know what came over to him when he almost killed you that night. But here comes the twist that you were already connected to Jasper. You changed your fate, or we can say that you took the next step in the evolution of the 'singers'."

"How?" I was completely baffled at this point the most surreal conversation of my life.

"A 'singer's purpose of being present in this world is to eliminate the vampires. No one knew how it happened because everyone thought that they only led the shifters to the vamps so that they could kill the vampires, so no vampire could touch the singers. Or if they did, the need was so strong that usually, after several gulps, the vampire ripped the singer apart. Emmett, for example, confessed once, that he killed two singers in his former years and he couldn't even explain to himself, how it happened because he wasn't even hungry when he attacked them." He regarded me with a speculative look. "You are the first whose blood was tasted by a vampire and they survived."

"But why? And what's happening to Jasper?" I turned to Carlisle. "You are the doctor, so please, explain it to me."

"If you believe in God, who has the power not only to stop the fallen ones but also, to give a new life to those who truly want to change, then you must believe that there's justification and absolution even for the most damned ones. We believed that there's only a one way road once you're turned into a vampire."

"What you are saying is…" I was getting desperate urging him to finally make things clear to me.

"That maybe we all were wrong about the 'singer's' blood. We all thought the blood weakens and kills the vampires. The mythology, the rumors and even the evidence confirmed this fact. So, we never looked at things differently. All a vampire can think about is killing for blood, but what if it was just all a huge mistake and we hadn't looked at the problem from the right angle? What if the nature isn't fighting back with letting people born like you? What if the vampirism is more like a disease and the 'singers' blood is the cure?" Carlisle spoke quietly, his words making me gasp.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered. "This can't be true."

"Put your hand on his chest."

My palm was trembling as I did as I was told and then I yanked it back like I was being burned.

"What's this?" I was horrified.

"It's called a heartbeat. Very faint, very weak yet it's there." This was the first time I saw Carlisle's face break out in a genuine smile.

"He's…"

"In transition." He confirmed with a nod. "We deduced that there must be a certain amount of blood that could cause the change. Edward didn't turn into human after a mouthful of your blood and James only got weaker by drinking several gulps. Jasper, on contrary, almost drained you and surprisingly, it didn't kill you. Your body recovered on its own, without any help, and now he's in transition."

Stumbling backwards, I fell into the armchair next to the bed, staring at Jasper blankly. My brain replayed the words but I was too shocked to accept the truth behind them.

Jasper was going to live. As a human.

A whole new spectrum of possibilities flashed across my mind, playing out it all with bright colours.

"Do the others know about this?" I asked quietly and Carlisle regarded me with a hard stare.

"No. Only Peter and I." He took an unnecessary breath. "Imagine what it would do to the vampire race once the news broke out. Imagine the Volturi learning that they lost their power over the world; most vampires joined them because they literally had nothing to do and loose in their existence. If any of this," He waved towards Jasper and me "gets out, your life will be in danger and no singer would be safe in the world. The killings rate would rise in case of a vampire misjudging a simple good smelling blood for that of a singer's. No, it musn't get out."

"Then what are we going to do?"

"We need to spread the rumour that Jasper died. His scent has already changed and I believe that his features would change with the passing time too." Carlisle said with conviction. "You need to disappear and never come back."

"But what about Edward and Aro? They would know."

"Well it's a luck then that we both know how to mess with their snoopy heads." Peter came closer with a grin.

The burning ceremony that afternoon was simple and no one but Peter, Carlisle and I were present. Peter brought the body of an unknown decapitated vampire and together with Jasper's bloodied clothes, they set the fire and we watched in silence until there were only ashes left. Peter swept them into an urn and we made our way back to the mansion where an ambulance was waiting to take Jasper to a hospital in Chicago – or at least that was what we told Charlie and the others. He was still unconscious and apart from his faint heartbeat, he didn't show any signs of life.

Our belongings were packed and I made a promise to call Charlie from the campus once I arrived.

"I will pack your things and send them after you." He murmured, trying to look indifferent, but inside, I knew he was mourning that I had to leave with such shocking suddenness.

"Are you going to be okay, Dad?" I asked with concern and he smirked in response.

"Don't worry about me. Sue and I decided that we love it here and since nothing binds us to Forks anymore, we may move closer to you… or just travel around for a bit. As it turned out, I inherited a big amount of money from the brother of my grandfather who died childless… who knew my grandfather had a millionaire brother…" He trailed off and my eyes met Carlisle's over Charlie's shoulder; I've got a feeling that maybe Charlie would be surprised who that grandfather's brother was in front of him.

"I'm delighted for you, Dad. You deserve to find happiness in your life."

"Wow, kiddo, you really must stop talking like your mother…" He teased and I smiled at him in response. It felt definitely good to see him carefree and young, maing plans for the future; it was so unlike him and I was sure that Sue had much to do with his changed demeanor.

Esme hugged me with unshed tears burning in her eyes while Charlotte regarded me with so much hatred that if looks could kill, I'd be dead on the spot.

Using Jasper's rented SUV, I followed the ambulance, still a bit shocked with the outcome of the events. I let Carlisle drive because we were taking Jasper to the little private clinic he owned and he knew the way better than I. We drove in silence because I didn't know how we could possibly talk about when everything could blow up in our faces if any of their theories weren't right. All that mattered was the white vehicle in front of us and nothing else.

I saw Charlie and the others waving at me in the rearview window, my chest heavy with all those undefined and raw emotions that were crushing over me every second. I still found it hard to believe that everything Carlisle and Peter said, was true.

All of a sudden, the car came gave an abrupt bump and jerked to a halt as the ambulance disappeared behind the corner.

"What the…" Carlisle murmured and we got out of the car.

"It looks like a flat tire on my side." I said and he came round to my side of the car to see the damage with a sigh.

"These forest roads are full of surprises." He muttered and rolling back the sleeves of his shirt, he moved with inhuman speed until a few minutes later he finished changing the tires.

"Speaking of surprises," A voice with thick Southern accent interrupted us and we both looked up startled, only to see a dark haired woman in cream coloured designer dress and high heeled sandals, coming closer with a knowing smirk tugging around her lips. "Well, well, well, kill me if this is not Carlisle Cullen, the one and only who Aro's fallen in love with…" I gasped, taken aback, but before I could process her words or to react, she turned to me, her dead crimson eyes widening with fake curiosity. "And if I'm not mistaken, this despicable human being is the one the Cullens fancy to swap between them… I see its Carlisle's turn now." She let out a humourless laugh and my cheeks burned like I was slapped.

"And you are?" I lifted my chin defiantly, refusing to let her humiliate me further.

"Oh, sorry for being rude," She smirked at me and she let me see the monster behind the mask of her beauty, "I'm Maria."


	22. Chapter 22

**Special thanks to Joyce for helping me with this chapter. **

"Maria…" I whispered slowly and her lips'd pulled into a smirk.

"It's interesting that your heart rate remained normal. Aren't you scared of me, human?"

"It's Bella," I lifted my chin, glaring at her. "And why should I be scared of you, _vampire_?" I asked irritated and for a second I saw a flash of surprise widening her eyes.

"Speak with respect." She scolded me and I raised my brow.

"I don't have time for this." I said coldly and turning to Carlisle, I smiled at his frozen form. "Shall we leave? We have a lot to do today."

I wasn't really surprised to feel Maria's cool fingers close around my arm.

"Not so fast, dear."

"What do you want?" I turned to her with raised brows.

"Just a few words before I end you."

"End me?" Now this made me chuckle. "Please, don't be ridiculous. I hear something like that all the time! It's time to come up with something original or just piss off."

From the corner of my eyes I saw Carlisle lunging at Maria as he effectively pried her fingers from my arm and stood in front of me.

"Maria, enough." He said quietly. "I'm sure you were informed about Jasper's death."

She turned her dead eyes to him and regarded him coldly.

"I know you are still under the protection of the Volturi, Cullen." Her tone was emotionless. "Most of our kind would back down and bow in front of you just so you would put in a good word in for them to Aro. But I'm not that person. I never was the one who would kiss their feet to remain in their graces." She scoffed.

"I left the Volturi long ago." He said as a matter of fact, taking a step closer to put his body between Maria and me.

"But your beloved Aro never stopped watching over you, right?" She mocked. "Who else got away with all those accidental killings your coven had made during the past century? Everyone knows about your human pet you swap amongst yourselves as a toy."

My cheeks reddened at her words.

"Stop talking shit, Maria." I raised my voice to get her attention. "I'm not their toy."

"You talk when I allow you to." Her gaze was sported above me like it I wasn't worth of her gracing me with her stare. "You, human, did your part well. I'm glad you killed Jasper."

"You are glad?" Now Carlisle looked truly surprised and though I knew what was the truth, I felt a pang of hurt in my chest.

"I am. And not just me, for your information." She gave him a cruel smile. "You truly believed that Aro never knew about where Jasper was hiding? You think the Volturi is just that stupid that they wouldn't figure it out soon? You did them a favor, Cullen. You kept him tamed and in check so the Volturi was safe. They protected you so they would stay safe."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh please." She flipped her hair and the smile slowly left her features. "You were allowed to stay alive only because you found three of the most powerful vampires in the world. The mind reader, the Major and the future teller. Of course, Aro never punished you for leaving him. He knew you were naïve enough to never think about the potential you got with them. You could have overpowered them in no time but all you wanted was to pretend being human. All the time they were watching you and expected you to prepare for an attack. Imagine how baffled they were when your beloved Edward offered himself to be killed."

"How do you know about that?"

"I have my sources." She let out a humorless laugh. "Losing the loyalty of your Edward was a crack in your armor but it was also the first sign that Aro couldn't count on your protection anymore."

"I still can't see your point."

"Don't be impatient. I'm telling you this because it's all irrelevant now. When Jasper finally freed Alice, she knew who to turn to." She snapped her fingers and Alice along with Jane walked out of the woods. I gasped in shock. Now this was unexpected.

"Hi Carlisle." Alice nodded towards him as he remained speechless.

"See, the power relations got realigned. Now your life and this human's existence is pointless. I'll make sure Aro gets the news about your death and we both know it would break him." She gave him a meaningful look. "That bastard finally gets what he deserves."

"You don't want to kill him?"

"Why would I?" She shrugged. "It's going to be a much bigger pleasure to watch that ancient stinker lose his power and allies and finally, he would be the one begging _me for _mercy."

"It's all about revenge for you?" I spoke up once again.

"No, human. It's about getting rid of old and useless habits. There were times the vampires were worshipped as gods. Humans feared us and offered sacrifices willingly."

"You are kidding, right?" I was truly taken aback.

"Oh, please. You must certainly remember the facts from the history referring to blood sacrifices in some pagan rituals?" She paused for effect until her words sank in. "They aren't just fairy tales. Those deities you learned about on History were _us._ Vampires." She put an emphasize on the last word and it shook me to the core. "Some of our kind were brave enough to let people paint them. You never wondered why some saints on old icons are portrayed as sparkling creatures?"

I couldn't answer as I was rendered speechless by the doubts she planted in my mind.

"We were powerful and nothing could stop us. People served us willingly and what's better, they wanted us to live amongst them and take their sacrifices. It was an honour for them to die by our hands. But then…" She was getting worked up. "Then the Volturi came up with some moral and religious ideas and made us go into hiding until the people forgot about us and our race became a tale, a faint memory. These days, we are considered as an abomination as though we weren't the most powerful creatures of the nature." She seethed. "I refuse to feeling ashamed of what I am, human. I refuse to hide in secluded places anymore so the humans wouldn't know about us. It's time to show the humankind who is on top of the food chain. Aro and his stupid ideas has to go."

"_I'd rather lose my religion_ than to believe someone like you could be worshipped as a deity." I spat at her, my fists clenching at my sides.

"Don't bring God into all of this." Carlisle seethed at her.

"Or what?" She mocked him with a glare. "You still think he exists? After all that time you've spent in this world?"

"This is not the right place to discuss this, Maria." He stated quietly, walking closer to her and I admired him how brave he was. "But to answer your question, yes, I have faith in Him."

"Our existence is doomed, Cullen. If there was one God above us he'd give us a way out of this existence and this body…" She bit out bitterly.

"There can be, if you want." He watched Maria intently and Alice's gaze met mine. I saw she started to zone out which was a clear sign that she was having a vision.

Her gaze averted to me and her eyes widened in shock. I could only imagine what she saw and hoped she wouldn't betray us further. I watched her with pleading look, hoping she would understand.

But then she turned away her gaze uninterested. She wasn't going to save us. Alice was done with the Cullens and most of all, with me. My mind started to race, trying to grasp for the last straws of hope and my gaze flickered to Jane.

"Why are you here, Jane?" I asked, all of a sudden. "You loved being with the Volturi."

"It's none of your business." She scoffed in a bored tone but something, hurt maybe, flickered across her features before quickly composing herself again.

My gaze locked with Carlisle's and suddenly, he understood. He knew those who lived with Aro, were happy to share his 'household' and he certainly had to be aware of the fact that Aro cherished those who once were parts of his life. Carlisle was the evidence that Aro wasn't vindictive and never forced anyone to stay in Volterra with him but also, tried to avoid any form of revenge against those who he once loved. And I witnessed how much he valued Jane's loyalty.

"Jane. What happened? I thought you'd never leave Aro?" I asked with concern and this time, she was slower with covering her conflicting emotions.

"I was bound to him only until he kept my…" She cleared her throat "Until he kept Dimitri and Alec alive."

"He killed them? Why would he do such a thing?" Carlisle cut in, looking concerned.

Maria's gaze narrowed in anger as she felt the situation slipping out from her hands.

"We don't have time to discuss what and why Aro plays his stupid games. He killed those who were important to Jane and that's it. She knew who to turn to and I was willing to help."

"You are lying." The words rolled off of my tongue before I could stop myself.

"What did you just say?" Her gaze turned murderous and took a threatening step to me. I saw Carlisle moving quicker than a flash and stepped between us, to protect me.

"You heard me. I'm sure you did something similar several times before this, right?" My voice was trembling as it occurred to me, Jasper'd told me about Maria's little tricks before. "You can't force the most powerful vampires to join you so you do something stupid, like convincing them that their beloved ones are dead so they come to you and help with your stupid plans!"

"You have no evidence, human. You are just babbling nonsense." She scoffed in an attempt to look casual about it.

"I am the evidence, Maria." All of a sudden, a voice, melodic and velvety, carried to us and I stiffened before pivoting only to see Jasper walk closer, breathing heavily. I gaped at him, speechless as he slowly approached me, offering a tiny smile that warmed up my insides. My heart leapt with joy as my eyes took in the healthy glow of his skin and when our gazes locked, I was met with the most beautiful shade of blue that adorned his orbs. The colour started to spread from the center of his pupils while the ring around the irises remained gold and I wondered if it would stay as a reminder of who Jasper was once.

"Jasper?" Alice's voice trembled as she tried to cover her shock.

"Not now, Alice." He sounded authoritatively as he put his left arm around my waist, pulling me closer. His body radiated warmth and his hard muscles felt flexible and smooth now. I wanted to cry from relief but we both knew I couldn't afford being weak at the moment.

"So it's true. There is a way back from this." Maria stated without a hint of surprise. "I've heard some legends about it before…"

"See, I told you there is a solution for those who try to find a way back." Carlisle said quietly. "We could work things out."

"You are delusional, Cullen." Maria's gaze never softened and it was clear, she was not going to change her decision. "I _know _about those abominations that some humans' blood can cause. I've spent quite a lot time with research so I could hunt them down before they could cause damage to our race."

"You knew?" He was shocked.

Her lips pulled into a smug grin. Apparently, she was pleased with herself. Her gaze returned to me and narrowed.

"I didn't knew about this particular one but I was suspicious. I'm glad that Jane turned to me for help once Aro killed her beloved ones," Again, Jane's features convulsed with hurt, "And she spilled everything I needed to know."

She seized me up and after taking a glance at Jasper, her gaze softened for a second.

"You know, Jasper, I could have loved you." She drawled, letting some emotion crawl into her tone but it felt fake and calculated. "Only if you weren't that petulant and you'd stopped fighting my superiority over you… Everything could be different. I wouldn't have to kill your brother and his wife…" She let her words die and her gaze was glued to Jasper's in a hope that she could find the much desired pain on his face.

All of a sudden, we became aware of the fact that we weren't alone. As my eyes took in the surroundings and I was surprised to see Peter and Charlotte walk out of the woods, their hands interlocked.

"Hey Maria." Peter said casually, enjoying her shock as she gaped at them. "Nice to meet you too."

For a short moment, she lost her composure and took a quick glance around as if she was going to try to find a way out but she was surrounded with too many angry vampires to carry out her plan. After a quick check on her chances, she finally turned her glare to Alice.

"You told me Jasper wasn't in contact with them."

Alice looked uncomfortable but straightening her shoulders she returned Maria's gaze defiantly.

"I did?" She made an attempt to look ashamed. "Well, I lied, I guess."

"You lied to me?" Maria's voice lowered and for the first time we saw a crack on her self control.

"As you kept me in check with your lies too, right?" She lifted her chin "You told me that if I let Jasper kill enough people, the Major will rise again, right? You told me that Bella is just a tiny obstacle and nothing bad would ever happen! See, where you got us!" She gestured her hand in our direction and I was sure she would cry if she could. She was hurt and disappointed and couldn't hide her pain when her gaze flickered over Jasper's arms that were locked tightly around my torso. My heart was beating loudly in my chest as I started to feel for her for living in denial and illusions for too long. I wondered if she could change somewhere in the future at all.

Maria let out a loud chuckle as she recognized the longing in Alice's gaze and that was the point when she snapped.

They took a threatening step towards each other but before they could start to fight, both of them fell to the ground, screeching and obviously, in pain. My gaze averted to Jane and I saw her smiling, with that cruel, cold smile which induced pain on those who disobeyed her.

"Enough!" She said before lifting her gaze from them. "Before you get to kill each other, I need my answers first."

"Anything, just please, stop it!" Maria yelled out. Jane watched their writhing bodies before shifting her gaze from them.

"You bet I will get anything I want." She smirked and watched Peter and Charlotte as they moved closer to us and I let Jasper go, so he could pull his brother into a brotherly hug. Charlotte watched me with an apologetic expression and accepted it with a tiny nod of my head. Just a day prior to this, she accused me of killing Jasper and I was sure she regretted her words by now.

"So this is the brother who you claimed being dead, right?" Jane pointed towards Peter. "From here it looks like he's perfectly okay and alive."

Maria's gaze flickered between us nervously.

"You forced Jasper to obey you after you completely broke him." It wasn't a question.

"I couldn't let him go. I needed him-"

"- in order to fulfill your crazy plan to conquer this world and become the most powerful vampire in the universe. Yes, I put two and two together. I still don't fully understand, why." Jane's words were quiet as if she was thinking. "You know, I don't care about your motivations anymore. As I see it, you are a little piece of shit who uses filthy tricks on the powerful ones so they do what you want. But you failed. I'm not going to help you anymore."

"You want to revenge the death of Dimitri and Alec." Maria tried to reason with her.

Jane's gaze swept over Peter, Jasper and Charlotte.

"I'm not sure Aro has to do something with their death." There was an unbearable sadness and mourn in her tone as she said it.

"I don't think they are gone." Alice piped up. "They keep popping up in my visions but you told me it's just an echo from the past. They…" She gulped nervously as Maria's murderous glare tried to silence her. "They might be still alive."

"Hmm…" Jane hummed, considering her next move. "Maria, is it true?"

"I don't-" She couldn't finish her line because her face contorted with pain. Jane's smile was almost amused as she watched her unaffectedly.

"Is it true?" She asked patiently but Maria didn't answer. She fell to her knees in agony, clutching at her chest and then at her head.

Jane took a step closer and her smile deepened. Maria's eyes rolled back into her head and obviously, she was in so much pain it knocked the breath out of her. She started to shake and several cracking noises came from inside her body. Jane was not only inflicting pain on her; she was breaking Maria's body without touching her.

I was terrified to see how vast her power was. Crack lines appeared on Maria's hands and all over her face though they healed quickly, only to give place to the other ones. Jane was smirking at her relentlessly but I was sure she wasn't enjoying it this time. Maria seemed to drift in an out of consciousness as for endless minutes, Jane kept ripping her apart from inside. Alice covered her lips with her hand and her eyes were glued to the horrific scene displayed in front of us.

Carlisle remained standing at Jasper's side and Peter tugged Charlotte closer. No one dared to interfere because this time, there was no Aro nearby who could stop Jane. She might have killed all of us in her rage.

"Answer me or I let you live in this pain for the rest of your existence." Jane prompted unaffectedly but Maria didn't answer. Her fingers clawed at her throat in an attempt to give Jane a signal that she couldn't talk because of the broken vocal cords. It didn't stop Jane though and Maria continued to writhe in pain.

"They are in Alaska." Alice spoke up. "I see them with the Denali's."

The moment her words died, Jane finally turned her gaze away from Maria who's trembling came to a halt immediately.

My gaze met Jasper's and he looked as stunned as I was. The Denali's were always considered as friends… how could they help Maria with her plans? So many intrigues which strings seemed to run into Maria's hands.

Maria didn't answer. She couldn't. She staggered to her knees, hugging herself and her gaze roamed the ground, rocking back and forth.

"Oops." Jane shrugged. "I think she lost her mind. Sometimes it happens." Her gaze swept over us. "I'm sure no one of you'd like to know how it feels, losing your minds because of pain."

"Jane…" Carlisle started but she silenced him with her glare.

"If this, what happened, ever gets out, I'll know who to look for." Her tone was warning us to stay quiet about this incident and Carlisle nodded.

"You have my word."

"And about this one," She looked pointedly at Jasper, "Aro doesn't have to know about it. Jasper and Bella are going to die in a few decades and we can forget this incident soon. I'll make sure to keep Alice in check. Consider this as my thanks for helping me to find out Maria's true motivations." A smile tugged at her lips but surprisingly, this time no one had to fear her. It was kind of sweet and endearing to see the hope twinkle in her eyes. "And now, excuse me, I have a long trip ahead of me, to Alaska."

With this, she turned over and all I saw was a blurred line as she sped away to North.

"I don't understand what's going on." My voice sounded weak in the stunned silence.

"Apparently, Maria's plan was to turn the clans of our kind against each other so she didn't have to get her hands dirty with killing the most powerful ones." Peter took a step forward. "I studied her methods and I must say, her master plan was genius. No one suspected that she was behind the vampire wars until she decided to form her own army, with Jasper's help. But then she failed when she couldn't kill me and my wife." He pulled Charlotte closer. "And then she convinced Alice to help her. I've heard Alice had a vision about a girl who was going to make Jasper snap and help to bring back the Major."

"You knew about me?" I asked.

Alice's eyes filled up with guilt.

"You knew I was coming to come into your lives?" My voice got louder with every spoken word. "You knew I was going to love Edward and that he would hurt me so deeply? That Jasper would secretly love me for two years without me even knowing it? That I was almost going to die for this love? That we all would suffer because you knew something and you refused to share?"

"It wasn't my place to tell!" She yelled at me.

"Wow." I lowered my voice as I felt Jasper's squeeze on my hand. He was here. Everything was okay now. "So it wasn't your place to tell. You seem to have a God given right to select your visions and share only those that were suitable for your plans? How very noble of you."

"You don't know a thing about me." She seethed.

"You are right. And I'm glad I don't know you because you are nothing to us anymore." I said quietly, feeling the wave of calmness washing over me and I turned my questioning look at Jasper. He presented me with a lopsided grin and my heart leapt with joy. For as long as he was smiling at me like this, everything was going to be all right though I knew we were going to have a long discussion after this.

"Brownie," He drawled and my heart melted at his endearment, "It's time to go home."

My eyes filled up with joy as he tipped his head down and gave me his very first human kiss. Palming his cheeks, I pulled him closer, enjoying the warmth and the softness of his lips.

"Take me home, love." I whispered against his mouth.

Alice walked to Maria, apparently shaken by the events and crouching next to her, she gazed into Maria's eyes intently. Carlisle watched them stunned and then turned to us.

"Let's go guys."


	23. Chapter 23

**This chapter is betad by two wonderful people, **_**a love of escapism **_**and **_**kitties1ffn**_** who sacrificed their own free time to help me. **

_Where do we go from here?  
This isn't where we intended to be  
We had it all, you believed in me  
I believed in you_

Certainties disappear  
What do we do for our dream to survive?  
How do we keep all our passions alive,  
As we used to do?

_Madonna – You Must Love Me_

Where do we go from here?

This was at the forefront of our minds and laced almost every thought that we had. Something unheard of had happened and there was no time in the world to fully wrap our head around the fact that Jasper had indeed turned human.

Carlisle took us to the secluded little hospital deep in the woods. The sign over the entrance carried the prestigious Cullen name where he ran several tests, taking samples from both of us. While I hated hospitals, it was something we couldn't avoid, and I was curious myself too. After some endless days of being treated like lab rats, Carlisle called us into his study.

It was the first time I had an opportunity to take a real look at Jasper. We both wore hospital gowns and I felt emotionally drained like never before, but he sight at him reminded me how badly I've missed him through these days. As Carlisle told us, it was in our best interest to spend our days and nights separately and while I knew he meant well, I still wasn't able to sleep more than a few hours per night. I was exhausted, questioning everything and also, whenever I closed my eyes, images were flashing behind my eyelids, disturbing pictures about Maria and Alice, about their betrayal, about Maria losing her mind…

It was too much to take in and there was no Jasper to calm my nerves.

I still had a hard time to accept the new reality. Apart from those few hours of our ride to the hospital, when we did nothing but hold hands and stare at each other with new eyes, there was no opportunity for us to talk in private.

Hopefully, it was about to change after Carlisle talked to us.

"Bella, Jasper," he greeted us with a tight smile, and I couldn't decide whether it was a good sign or not. "Have a seat, guys."

We did as he said, feelings tense. I tried to brace myself for anything that had to come with no avail. My heart was pounding loudly against my ribcage, and I tried to intertwine my fingers to stop them from fidgeting. I desperately wanted to take a good look at Jasper but I wasn't sure if he wanted me to. Maybe he was fed up with being treated like an object; maybe it was not only his body that changed. I couldn't sense him anymore like I did before. I couldn't feel his emotions… how could I know how he felt about this situation, about his change… about me?

"We have the test results." Carlisle's tone broke the uncomfortable silence and he leaned forward on his elbows over his desk. Papers were scattered in front of him but he didn't take a glance at them; he knew all he results by heart, I was sure of it.

"Let's start with you, Bella. You know we tested your blood to find any trace of some kind of anomaly, don't you?"

His words cut through me as a sharp knife. _Anomaly. _This was what vampires thought about me.

"What did you find?" I cleared my throat. "I mean, is there really something that makes me… different?"

"Well, I'm happy to tell you that there's nothing extraordinary happening with your blood. Apart from you being a bit anemic, there's nothing special. Your blood type is rare, it's true, A RH—but we don't know for sure if every human with this blood type has the same effect on the vampires." His kind smile warmed my heart. "Anyway, I tested your blood with other substances as well. First, I needed to see how it reacts to Jasper's blood but again, nothing special happened. However, when I mixed your blood with my venom, it was such a fascinating sight."

"What happened?" The question came from Jasper and finally, I dared to take a glance at him. Again, I was taken aback how young, how healthy he looked. There was a light tan forming on his cheeks that made his eyes more exquisite in their depth and colour. His golden curls felt somehow tamed but he sat there as quietly and almost unmoving like he did before he was turned, only the soft rise and fall of his chest.

"Basically, it seemed like they were repulsing each other. The clear substance of the venom pushed your blood out. It looked like an impossible thing to mix them together, like there was an invisible line separating them. It actually took almost twelve hours before something happened. And man, it happened so quickly that I was glad to have the computer operated microscope so I could re-watch it in slow motion."

"Can we see it?" Jasper asked, as he shifted in his seat.

Carlisle regarded him with a smile.

"I was hoping you'd ask me to." He waved at us to join him behind his desk and turned his computer on. Once he pushed the 'play' button on the screen, it was filled with a blurry image of dark red and clear patches. The small timer in the corner showed that it was a fast forwarded video as Carlisle said. It seemed like those patches had lived their own life as they looked like they were trying to get away from each other. Glancing at the corner of the image I was surprised to see that these blood and venom cells were struggling for more than 12 hours, as Carlisle had confirmed earlier.

And then, it happened; the drop of the blood started to slide towards the venom, it was like watching a magnetic pull, meeting the inevitable. Once the two substances touched, the venom expanded and looked like it was brewing before in a matter of a nanosecond, it turned red, mimicking both the colour and the texture of the blood.

"It's amazing," Jasper whispered in awe. "Is the transition complete? Are there any differences between my … blood," he still struggled to call it blood and not venom, I could tell, "And between human blood?"

Carlisle opened a file which listed the results of Jasper's blood tests.

"Compared to the human blood, I don't see any. But there's a slight difference in your immunity system. In fact both of your immunity systems are stronger than the usual. After I did Bella's physical examination a few weeks back, her body was in such a bad shape and her immunity system was about to collapse."

I closed my eyes at the memory. It still hurt to remember that there was a time when I chose to live without Jasper.

"What about now?" I croaked.

"Now, your whole body seems like it took a total eclipse. It feels like I'm not even looking at the same person." Carlisle pointed at the list on the screen, comparing my test result from before and after. "So all in all, the effect of your blood and venom sharing is mutual. Your blood turned Jasper into a human and his venom practically saved your life."

We remained silent for several, endless minutes before any of us could speak.

"It's a good thing then, I guess," Jasper said finally, his tone unsure and hesitating.

I turned my gaze at him and at that moment I had a hard time to believe that he was healthy and strong. His face turned pale and his fingers were trembling on the back of Carlisle's seat.

Carlisle shot up from his chair.

"The bathroom is right there." He pointed at the door on the right and Jasper practically rushed in, closing the door behind him. Seconds later we heard him heaving into the porcelain.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"He has a hard time to process everything." Carlisle explained.

Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Oh God." I slumped down on the chair. "What am I going to do now?"

"Give him a little time." He touched my shoulder tenderly. "Until this point he believed he'd live forever and while he hated it, eventually, he accepted it. You need to understand that once a vampire accepts their fate, words like love, time or future get a whole new meaning. For us a day isn't limited by the rising and falling of the sun. We are careful to avoid falling in love with humans because their lifetime is not enough for us to enjoy the love to the fullest. Future is always laced with uneasiness. We need to move frequently, to constantly hide and try to go unnoticed. And of course, there's always the problem of the feeding. But, as I said, we learn to accept it."

"And now everything has changed for Jasper." I said.

"Imagine a life where you thought nothing could hurt or stop you and where time or money won't matter. Imagine the freedom it gives to the mind. And then imagine being trapped in a fragile body, with limited choices and time frame. Can you see the difference?" he asked, softly, and I nodded.

"Yes. Suddenly, every second, every taken breath matters," I murmured.

"As a vampire, you could live a thousand lives. As a human, you can live only once. This puts everything into a whole new perspective."

Tears filled up my eyes.

"I took away his freedom."

Carlisle regarded me with a tender expression.

"I think you did more than that." He took the seat next to me. "Maybe it's not my place to tell you but you need to understand what's going on here. There are hundreds of vampires in the world who regretted their choice to become one. Especially when they were turned against their will. Do you know how does a vampire die?"

"Only if they are ripped apart and their corpse is burned." I said, flatly.

"Exactly. It also means that they can't commit suicide. They can't rip themselves apart. Lots of them pick up fights with stronger ones just for the sake of being killed. Others do horrible things on purpose just to be executed by the Volturi. Not everyone is prepared to live forever but once they are turned it's too late to change their decision. So there are humans killed in the process, innocent lives sacrificed until someone puts them out of their mysery. But you and your blood could be the solution for them."

Our conversation came to a halt once Jasper emerged from the bathroom. He still looked pale but overall, he looked better.

"Can I go back to my room? I need to take a shower and change into my clothes," he asked in his usual quiet tone ashe tried to hide the slight edge from his voice.

"Of course." Carlisle gave him a reassuring smile. "As for today, I think it's the best time for us to leave this place."

I felt helpless and useless, seeing Jasper leave the room without sparing a glance at me.

X

JASPER

After embarrassing myself in Carlisle's study, I knew I needed to get away from them. From Bella. I still wasn't used to the feeling of constant weakness. Every day had been a struggle for me since I was a human again. The days seemed endless while going through various stages of physical examination and psycho-tests. I fell into the bed with an exhausted sigh every night, wishing the sleep would come soon.

But somehow, what seemed like a natural process with Bella before, now it became a hard task to complete. I couldn't sleep. Dozing off for a few hours and then I was up and waiting for the morning to come.

I didn't see Bella much these days. I didn't even know how to react to her. How to tell her a simple hi … how to be with her when I was no longer a powerful vampire.

My new body scared me. The reactions, the flexible muscles, the vulnerability I experienced. I think this was the worst; to accept that I could get hurt so easily. My reactions became slower and sometimes it hurt my eyes to follow Carlisle moving at his normal vampire speed around me.

I lived without the fear of becoming ill or wounded for centuries. It was always me who took care of business of any kind. Now, I was the one who was being taken care of and the pity in Bella's eyes didn't help.

Before, she was the vulnerable one. I could protect her. I was prepared to see her die soon, in a battle with Maria or from some illness.

After my embarrassing reaction to Carlisle's words, I took a quick shower in the adjacent bathroom to my hospital room and got dressed quickly. I knew I was supposed to pack my things but the only thing I owned in this room was my backpack, still unpacked, so I just kept sitting on my bed and waited for someone to come and tell me to get out.

Finally, when the moment came, I was more than ready to leave.

I couldn't take a look at Bella in the car, though I felt her eyes on me several times. I didn't want to see her pity and disappointment. Instead, I closed my eyes and let my head rest against the window of the car, trying to shut out the whole world from my mind.

After what seemed like hours, we climbed out of the car only to get on Carlisle's private plane and the pilot informed us that he were to be taken to New York City.

Feeling Bella's persistent stare on me, I finally turned to her, feeling empty and weary.

"Jasper, talk to me," she said with a watery gaze, reaching for my hand. I let her entwine our fingers and her head lean against my shoulder but inside I still felt cold and shocked. Slowly, as the hours turned the day into a night, I felt some sort of tranquility settle over me and for the first time since I became human peaceful sleep took reign over me. It felt undescribably good to feel her at my side and her warm little fingers warming up my cold ones.

X

BELLA

Carlisle took us to a little town surrounded with woods. The first thing I noticed was that this town was so different from Forks. Maybe it was the sunlight, maybe the mild weather, maybe the fact that the woods weren't so scary…

He parked his rented Mercedes in front of a nice two storey white house with a grey roof. There were blooming flowers in the pots along the way to the house, and I caught a deer watching us curiously from the woods. The whole place looked warm and inviting; I knew I was going to love it.

"What's this house?" I broke the silence, squeezing Jasper's hand. It made me so happy on the plane when he let me hold his hand that I took every opportunity to feel him close again. I felt his reluctant response but he didn't pull away; which was a good sign in my vocabulary.

"It's one of my properties." Carlisle shrugged with a smile, refusing to give away more than necessary. We took the stairs of the porch but before Carlisle could reach the handle, someone opened the door from inside and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Esme …" I breathed in her familiar, sweet scent and took a step back so she could pull Jasper and I into her arms. He stood there like a statue for a second, before returning her hug awkwardly.

"Come in and take a look around." She gave us a reassuring smile and we followed her inside.

I expected a fully furnitured house with bouquets on the tables and original paintings on the walls. But, as I took a look around, I found only some basic furnishings, such as a couch and a TV in the living room.

"First I thought you'd like me to decorate your house but then I decided against it. It's going to be your home, after all." Esme answered my unsaid question.

"Thank you." I was grateful that she didn't want to live my life for me, as Rosalie did.

"What do you mean by saying 'your house'?" Jasper turned to Carlisle and Esme with raised brow.

The merry athmosphere suddenly froze.

"We just wanted to give you a good place to start your lives at," Esme said apologetically.

"What makes you think I want to live here?"

I shifted nervously as I felt the storm was coming. Jasper was going to snap and honestly, I didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing.

"We figured that maybe you wanted to find a place as far from Forks as possible. Since we know the towns and places where to vampires go, I found this place the safest." Carlisle explained patiently.

"Bella got accepted to the University of Texas" Jasper stated firmly.

"She could get transferred to NYU easily."

"Did you ask her about it?" Jasper snapped and I flinched. Esme and Carlisle exchanged a concerned look. "I have properties in the south. I have my own money, Carlisle, and I don't need your pity nor your charity to help me!"

"What do you want then?" Esme asked him softly and my heart soared for her. She meant well, I think Jasper knew it too but at this point he was irritated with everything and took his anger out on her.

"I want …" His voice broke and couldn't finish his sentence.

I turned to Carlisle and Esme with a tight smile.

"Can you give us a little time?"

"Sure. We are going to stay in the neighbourhood for a while." Esme nodded in understanding. "The fridge in the kitchen is stocked with everything I thought you'd like and you can find some clothes in the bedroom closet, if you want to change."

"Thank you."

Jasper kept staring out of the window even after they left. I stood in the hallway awkwardly but before I could say anything, my stomach grumbled.

"I'm going to make some sandwiches for us."

He didn't respond. He was tense and torn; he was about to cry, I could see that.

Leaving him in the living room, I went to the kitchen and opened the cabinets, I found plates and utensils. I was grateful to find several bottles of beer in the fridge and I took a long swig while making the sandwiches, humming to myself.

I was about to go to find him when it occurred to me that he was standing in the doorway and watching me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Come, let's eat."

He walked closer and took a seat. Scrutinizing the food for a few seconds, he decided that he'd give it a try and took a bite from his sandwich. He didn't comment on whether he liked it or not. For a second, he reminded me of my old self when I ate only because I knew Charlie was worried about me.

"You like it?" I broke the silence and he lifted his beautiful blue orbs to me. The gold was completely gone from his irises by this time and his eyes became the most alluring shade of cerulean blue. It was the first time he looked me into the eye and I felt a feeling like an electric current shot through me.

"I-" he began, before he halted for a second. "It feels different."

I didn't ask if it was a good or a bad difference. After we were finished, he stood up from the table and took the plates to the sink.

"I'm going to take a shower," I said and when he didn't respond I turned on my heels and left the kitchen.

I found the bedroom easily; it was the first one to the left on the top of the mahogany stairs. The hardwood floor with the pale, yellow walls made the whole room warm and inviting. The king sized bed was covered with a cream coloured spreadsheet. There was a shelf of books on one wall, while a big TV stood in the far corner, placed on an exquisite piece of drawer's chest. The room was nice and sophisticated and I immediately liked it. The walk-in closet didn't even surprise me. I should have known that when Esme mentioned a few clothes, it meant a giant closet full of all sorts of items from casual to the most elegant ones.

I selected a pair of jeans with white sleeveless top because it was getting really warm outside and then I strolled into the bathroom. Leaving the door of the bedroom ajar, I stopped to listen to Jasper but there was no movement coming from the kitchen.

I desperately wished I could help him somehow but apparently, he didn't need me and the thought filled me with unbearable sadness.

Once in the shower, I let the steamy water roll over me in hot waves, washing away my tears and the weight of the previous days. I let my mind rest for a while, not worrying about what the future might bring. It was clear that this Jasper wasn't the same one who killed me in the woods. This man was disillusioned, confused and disappointed. I wasn't even sure if he needed me anymore in his life.

My trail of thoughts was abrupted with a sudden movement behind the glass doors of the shower and seconds later, Jasper pushed the glass out of his way.

"Mind if I join in?" He stood there stark naked and all I could do was to gape at him. Now I had a chance to take a good look at his body and it felt like I've never seen him before. His skin was no longer pale but had a healthy glow. His muscles flexed beneath his smooth skin and soft hair dusted his chest. He looked strong and healthy and utterly mouthwatering.

When I didn't respond, he shot a smirk at me and stepped inside, taking the shower gel from me. Blushing under his stare, I let him lather me up, with slow, careful movements, his fingers gliding up and down on my curves as if he was learning my body all over again. A couple of months ago, I'd have been ashamed of my body, but thanks to im my body was fit and toned, and I no longer felt embarrassed under the stare of the man I loved. His touches sent tingles all over my body and I leaned into him, silently encouraging him to become bolder. A contented sigh left my lips, when he finally cupped my breasts and began massaging them gently.

"Jasper …" I moaned softly, letting my head rest on his chest as his fingers circled my nipples, making me wanting and desperate for more. There was something fresh and unexpected about this new him and I loved it.

Slowly, I turned in his arms and taking the shower gel meant for him from the shelf, I returned the favour, washing him slowly, carefully. I loved the feeling of his now warm skin underneath my fingers. I loved the way his muscles flexed when I touched him, and the way he couldn't contain his hardening response to me. Feeling bold, I reached down, unable to keep my hand off of him and a soft moan left his lips as my fingers enveloped him. He felt bigger, thicker in my palm … or maybe it was because now he was warm and his erection pulsed with excitement.

Falling to my knees I kissed the tip carefully and the air left his lungs in a rush.

"Christ, Bella …" he hissed, when I let my tongue circle the swollen head, teasing him with deliberately slow licks. I've never done remotely similar like this in my entire life but I found myself getting wetter with every lick, with every hard suck as he put his hands on the tiles, to brace himself, filling me with pride. I never knew that pleasuring a man this way would bring me such joy and the feel of contentment. Flexing his hips, he encouraged me to become braver.

Suddenly, I was no longer on my knees. He pulled himself out and turned off the water.

"Jasper, wha…" I began.

"I want you in the bed." He cut me off and wrapping me into a fluffy towel he lifted me and carried me into the bedroom. Excitement cursed through my veins at the abrupt change of his mood and reaching out to touch his soft curls, I pulled him into a soft kiss. I was used to his gentleness as he always took me carefully before; well, apart from the last fatal lovemaking in the woods that changed everything.

But this man wasn't the same. This Jasper took my mouth with a ferocity I didn't recognize from the past. His hand curled around my back to lift me up, closer to him, rubbing our chests against each other. This Jasper wasn't afraid to touch me anymore because he didn't need to be afraid that he'd break me anymore. My hands became alive under his touches and I let my fingers caress every inch of skin I was able to reach, while returning his kisses with equal passion.

For a second, he let me go, and motioned me to lean back on the bed before he kissed his way down my neck and between my breasts. His kisses aimed to the south and I propped up myself on my elbows so I could follow his movements. But the second his fingers spread my lower lips wide and his tongue touched my clit, I was lost. The feeling was exquisite and so raw it made my thighs tremble and all I could do was lean back and pant his name over and over again. He certainly learned some tricks during his years as a vampire and man, was he good at pleasuring a woman.

Adding his fingers to my pleasure, he worked my desire into a fever pitch and I came with a scream, my whole body quaking under the impact of the emotions that shot through me. Kissing his way back up on my body, he let his lips envelope my nipples one after another, while I lied beneath him still dazed from my powerful orgasm.

And then, he kissed me slowly, gauging my response until I was starting to respond to him. Feeling the tip of his erection nugging at my entrance, I spread my legs wider to let him in and a gush of air left my lungs when he finally slid home. My body stretched around him in a delicious way and after a few moments he started to move. Wrapping my legs around his hips, I pulled him deeper inside, loving the way we fit together.

His movements were bold and well calculated, changing angles as he built our pleasure until our bodies became sweaty and our breaths came out in hot spurts. I felt my completion building once again and he didn't even need to touch me on my clit. The way he moved inside my body rubbed the right spot until I couldn't hold my moan inside anymore. My inner walls clenched and squeezed him when my orgasm was ripped out of me, pulling him with me. The second he came, our gazes locked and finally, finally, I saw the flicker of joy and hope deep inside his cerulean pools.

"I missed you," I whispered into his shoulder, once we were under the sheets.

"I know." He kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry for making you wait for me for so long. I just couldn't get out of my head… I couldn't believe what happened…"

"Do you regret it?" I lifted my head.

"Do you remember what I told you once? That I wish I could give everything you wanted?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Then you have your answer, whether I regret becoming human for you or not." He cracked a smile at me.

"But you were so weird, lately …"

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?" His lids became heavy. "I haven't had a decent sleep in ages."

"Me neither," I sighed happily, letting my head fall on his chest and I smiled when the sleep took over me while I listened to the beating of his heart.


	24. Chapter 24

**So this is it, my lovelies. This story was my very first fanfiction I started to write and though during the past three years I've lost my interest in everything related to Twilight, though my shipper heart remains loyal to Bella and Jasper.**

**I know, some of you expected this story to be longer, but I didn't want to drag out this plotline only to write more chapters, but not saying much at all… I find it better to end the story here and leave the rest to your imagination. **

**This last chapter is written from Carlisle's point of view and gives us a sneak peek into the happily ever after of… well, of everyone (almost).**

**This chapter is betad by the wonderful Mich who is a great friend and sacrificed her own free time to help me with this chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

EPILOGUE

"_So this is who I am,__  
__And this is all I know,__  
__And I must choose to live,__  
__For all that I can give,__  
__The spark that makes the power grow__  
__And I will stand for my dream if I can,__  
__Symbol of my faith in who I am."_

_(Celine Dion – Immortality)_

10 years later…

**CARLISLE**

"Are you sure about your decision, my love?" A gentle voice cuts through the silence that had grown uncomfortable in the room.

My gaze swept over the framed pictures over the fireplace and I find myself smiling at the memories that brought warmth and unexpected happiness into our lives, moments of bliss captured by these photos.

My mind drifts back to the day from ten years ago when I was shocked, learning the news about the fact that vampirism didn't have to be the final stage of our existence. Jasper was our miracle and so was Bella, that sweet and caring girl…

"Who would have thought that this anemic little wallflower would bring such a big change into our world?" The voice behind me speaks up again, reflecting my own thoughts.

My gaze falls on the first picture on the shelf. She is smiling into the camera looking carefree and absolutely beautiful with the light tan and the healthy glow adorning her cheeks. Jasper is standing behind her, triumphantly holding up her fresh English major-diploma above her head. He graduated the same year as a Psychology major and they both chose to stay and work in this little town, close to New York and far from the vampires.

Sometimes I find myself wondering if things didn't turn out like this, where would be all be now. What'd have happened if Bella died?

My stomach tightens uncomfortably at the thought of the possible outcomes, flashing violent images of guilt induced fights and deaths following her death.

I can only thank the Lord for keeping His watching eyes over us, offering us a chance to change with her help, to turn back from the road once we've chosen .

Bella never knew that Edward spared her life because Rosalie managed to convince him to - that Bella wasn't worth the problem her death would cause everyone. I can still remember the dangerous glint in Jasper's eyes when Rosalie had called her pitiful and that she looked like a survivor of typhus fever. I didn't pay attention to Jasper's reactions when it came to Bella. No one really cared about what was going on in his mind… and his heart. No one bothered to understand how much he had to suffer not only from his bloodlust and his love for Bella, but also the big conspiracy forming behind Aro's back, to ruin the established rules of our world. No one paid attention to the significance of our weird reaction to Bella's presence.

"I was always wondering how was she able to resist our powers." The voice interrupts my thoughts again, but all I can do is nod again. Apparently, I'm too obvious.

No one could deny it anymore that she was different. For humans, she was different in a completely other sense. They never pay real attention to those who are like Bella. The ones that are not the prettiest, smartest, trendiest people. They are present; they do what they're required to do, yet remain invisible. Whether they get married or remain single, no one raises a single brow. Whether they die of sickness or commit suicide, people barely remember their names.

But for us, vampires, these people are the most interesting ones. Not because of their blood or because their death or disappearance would hardly bother anynone.

There's something going on in the minds of these people. They might be barely noticed by society, but these people can turn out to be the most interesting ones. Their thoughts, desires, plans – even if those ideas never come to life – are deep, sometimes depressing, but mostly, exciting.

Edward, my darling son, came from the era where quiet people and especially women, were cherished. Every man looked for a woman who, apparently had no thoughts and ideas of her own. But, later these people, the seemingly unattractive and boring ones, started to form the world with their silent observing, followed by interesting innovations. The good houseviwes came up with the brightest ideas to make their life easier and were the pioneers of much bigger inventions.

Edward was always drawn to these people. He loved to listen to their thoughts and lately, he started to write novels, based on some of those ideas he learned from them. Oh yes, Edward evolves too. We were all alarmed when he had to come to terms with what happened between Bella and Jasper. We were worried that he'd return to his old habits and I was afraid that Aro would order his execution.

Somehow, he managed to survive. He disappeared and we hadn't heard from him for more than a year, until the Denalis informed us that they found him in the North, living far from people but close to the wilderness and remaining loyal to our diet. It was Tanya who sheltered him and though he was almost in a cathatonic state of mind by then, she somehow managed to convince him to come out of his shell. They asked us for advice how to make him communicate again. We thought music would help him, like it helped him after he became one of us. But, all he did was break the provided baby grand piano into tiny pieces.

The Denalis said he looked like a caged animal. I still don't know the details of what happened, but Tanya went after him when he tried to escape, she talked to him, or just sat nearby waiting, for weeks. I've heard that at some point, she irritated him so much that he almost ripped her apart. One day then, she left to hunt, leaving her notebook behind. By the time she came back, the notebook was filled with Edward's writing.

We all let out a sigh of relief when, instead of talking, he started to write. At least he was communicating in some way. There were millions of thoughts he had to listen to during the past century and no one fully paid attention to the inner turmoil going on in him by hearing it all, the ugliest, the murderous, the most perverted and twisted thoughts of the people around him.

Tanya convinced him to turn those thoughts into novels, and he is a published author now, not under his real name of course. His novels are successful, but not getting too much attention. It's for the best, for everyone. His first novel was an absolute bestseller and he could barely escape the photographers that camped in front of the publishing house, hoping to see the writer who was able to write such an interesting novel, combining genres yet still voicing the inner thoughts of the people… He is more careful since then, keeping his best work for his drawer.

I miss him, to be honest, but knowing that he finally found his happiness with Tanya and is doing well, makes me happy .

"We are on our best way to discover the special factor in her gene code that makes her different. Though, the science is not advanced enough at this point. It can take a few more decades to have the right equipment developed, to move forward with our work." I hear myself responding, while my fingers trace the second photo on the sill. It captures Bella watching Jasper with adorning eyes, a sweet smile playing around her lips as he says his vows to her, while pulling the ring onto her finger.

Her dress is simple and elegant, her shoulders are covered with a lace bolero, but even the sheer fabric can't hide that she got womanly curves in the right places, her hair is thick and shiny, her eyes look like they never stop smiling and she looks overall like a completely different person. I remember myself repeating this line a hundred times for the past ten years, but I still can't help remembering how sick and lifeless she looked before.

But, what makes this photo interesting is actually Rosalie standing in the background in a magenta coloured dress as a bridesmaid, with her proudly protruding belly.

"I thought the magic would work only once." My thoughts are interrupted again, but I don't mind.

Yeah, Rosalie was the first volunteer to continue the experiment with venom and Bella's blood. Of course, Emmett, her caveman-gentleman couldn't allow it, and he went first. I still remember his apologies to Bella before sinking his sharp teeth into the soft skin of her jugular, though she reassured him with a brave smile saying it was okay, it didn't hurt too much.

"It works every time." I say, smiling fondly at the memory how hard we started to laugh when Rosalie woke up as a human and her first line was addressed at Emmett, _now come on, monkey man, give me a dozen babies. _And she kept her word. At this time, they are pregnant with their fourth baby and she can't stop sharing the baby-stories with anyone who's willing to listen. No one blames her though. She waited to have them for a century. Literally.

"How many times did she go through with this experiment?" The voice asks again as my gaze falls on the next photo with Jasper holding their newborn son, Geoffrey Jasper Whitlock tightly against his chest, while Bella's watching them with a tired, watery smile from her hospital bed.

"Five times. We didn't want to push her body to its absolute limits. First, we weren't sure it'd work for the second time, so she and Jasper decided to finish university first." I respond truthfully, my gaze falling on the photo with Esme holding their daughter, Elizabeth Isabella Whitlock who was born twenty months after her brother. "We wouldn't risk her losing her babies, so the timing of her pregnancies and breastfeeding was discussed too."

"Why did it matter to you if she was pregnant or not? Humans can conceive so easily, she could have had another baby if she miscarried… everyone would have understood that sometimes there are sacrifices needed for the greater good."

The smile fades on my face and my lips tighten into a thin line. Only a vampire would say something unsensitive like this. But, I became so used to being surrounded with humans and babies during the past years that I wouldn't trade their lives for any experiment.

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I know he sees my thoughts and memories. I know it saddens him and he doesn't understand the joy I get from living my life like this. For him, it would be forever a life in the shadows; he loves it, the power he has over the vampire universe… and the devastating power he could unleash over the human race, merely raising one finger.

But, I know him. He holds all the power in this world, but I believe he is a good leader. Too soft for some of our kind, maybe, because he actually likes what he does. He likes to keep the peace between the vampire covens, he loves being responsible for the human part of the world, by holding back the vampires from coming out and start their killing spree.

"Are you completely sure it works?" He asks me in a tender tone and I hear Jane sigh in front of the door where she stands as an unnecessary guard because Aro is paranoid like that. She returned to him after discovering that Maria was lying and she found both her brother and lover alive. Dimitri and Alec were safe now and I'm sure they'll never forget the past.

My fingers touch the next frame with the photo of Charlotte and Peter. Charlotte holds Bella's daughter under the water as the priest baptizes the baby.

"I'm sure. Jasper would never have let his brother to undergo the experiment if it didn't work."

"How does it happen, exactly? Do the Major and the kids share the same gene-mutation?" His phone chirps, but he ignores it. Apparently, nothing is as important for him right now, as talking to me.

I turn my gaze away from the last frame which stands there empty, waiting to be filled with Esme's and my photo soon.

Facing him, I can feel the grief and sorrow radiating from him. His shocking red eyes are in a stark contrast with his pale skin. Once, I found him handsome. Once, I let him love me.

I was ashamed of myself for years then. The older vampires just smirked when they saw us together. They were those who came from times when a love affair between two men didn't get as much response as a disapprovingly raised brow. But those who were coming from the times of prudence followed us with outright disgust written all over their features and words like _sodomy_ and_ whore_ were whispered behind our backs. Aro pretended that he never heard these cruel words, the cheery mocking expressions as he kept showering me with his gifts and his love, even if he knew damn well, how I despised his exaggerated affections.

I wasn't ashamed of what we were doing behind the closed doors. I didn't mind that even during the most conservative eras of human history, he kept kissing me in front of a horrified audience, just for the sake of shocking them. The more he loved me, the more I found myself feeling digusted by his touch, knowing, he was prying, searching for the answers in my mind; the answers I wouldn't say out loud. I couldn't bear the thought that he tried to scan my every thought, every plan and wish… He tried so hard, too hard to keep me happy and satisfied which ended with my decision to break up with him.

I could never thank Jasper enough for giving me the courage to leave.

I keep that one painting of our past here in my office though. The one where Aro, Caius and Marcus are dressed in black and I'm the only one in a gold suit and bright white shirt, with rich lace around my neck and wrists. This painting was a special gift from Aro as a reminder of what we meant for each other once.

For me, this painting is the reminder of the person I never wanted to be again, a bird in the cage made of gold.

"Only the girl, Elizabeth." I admit quietly, knowing that I might put her life into jeopardy with this admission. But, I assume, it's better to admit something he already knows than to lie to him and risk him taking the babies away and letting his men experiment on them.

"How old is she?" He asks speculatively, searching for a hint of hesitation in my tone.

"Three."

"Is she a _singer_?" He chooses the term carefully, observing me with hawk-eyes.

"Not yet. I think it comes with the puberty, after the hormonal changes in her body."

"Are you sure you don't want to wait with this human thing, until she reaches the right age to test your theory on her?" He cocks his head aside, letting his eyes wander over my body he knew once well.

I think of the empty frame behind my back. I think of the words I exchanged with Bella ten years ago.

One life to live. One love to experience… every minute, every second matters.

If there was any doubt in me before, it vanishes as I let myself relax in front of him, because I know he won't hurt me. He will do anything that's in his power to protect me… to make the town where I'll spend my life safe from the vampires.

Because vampire or human, real love comes only once in a lifetime. And though, I could never reciprocate his feelings with the same intensity, he was the only man I was able to love… even if it lasted only for 60 years which is not much longer then a month in a human's life.

But the memory of our love would make him keep his word.

"I'm sure." I nod, thinking of Esme, how fragile and scared she was after she woke up a week ago. Her heart was beating erratically as she slowly came to a realization that she survived the transformation. Gone was the icy perfection of her face and body… her features adjusted to her actual age of 29; yet she never looked more perfect and beautiful to me. I can't wait to follow her.

"What do you offer to me in return for your safety?" He looks truly disinterested, since he already knows my answer. Alice became his right hand, right after Jane.

"I'm going to share the test results with you in the following years. I'm going to train someone of your choice to continue in my experiments."

"And you will help me to map out the possible gene-code that would identify the _singers._"

"I would do anything to save their lives." It makes me feel better, knowing that he doesn't want everyone to know about the possibility of reversing the turn into a vampire.

He basks in the glow of being merciful, saving innocent lives. I would believe this charade, if I didn't know about the fact that he wasn't merciful enough to put Maria out of her misery by letting her die. I would believe his act if I didn't know that when he feels bored, he likes to ask Jane to demonstrate her powers on Maria, letting Alice read her decisions; that he loves listening to her cries and watching her agony whenever he pleases or wants to demonstrate what is going to happen to those who ever dare to defy him now or in the future. Every single minute of her existence is a pure agony. When her mind is healed enough and she starts to grasp the scraps of reality again, Alice immediately informs Aro who instructs Jane to torture Maria until she looses her mind again.

I don't judge Alice and Jane. They both have their reasons to obey him. He spared their lives in exchange of making them watch what fate he is sparing them of. Betraying Maria over and over again is a small price for them to pay for their own safety and sanity.

"I count on your discretion." His kind tone becomes cold and clipped.

He may have loved me and maybe he still does, but he won't hesitate to punish me in case I would ever consider betraying his trust.

"You send me the blood samples of those you suspect being _singers _and I send you back the test results. Only you are going to know the names of the real singers." This was the focal point of our agreement. He was not going to let me know the names of them, to prevent me from warning them. "You promised to never harm them."

"And I intend to keep my word. We don't want another Bella-case to get out of the hand, right?" I hate that he is back to smiling at me with a sickeningly kind expression. "I intend to keep them away from our kind. Only I will decide who can't be convinced to stay a vampire. Only those who I allow to return to their human state, will. You are the last one who turns human without my permission."

I hate being cornered and he knows it. Our gazes meet and I see the challenge in his eyes, willing me to change my decision and stay a vampire. There's a hidden threat in his stare which makes me doubt his promise to keep safe the humans similar to Bella.

"I promise." I bow my head in submission because honestly, it's all I can do at the moment. I'm more than ready to close this chapter of my existence and finally start to live my human life. At this point, I just want him to leave.

"When are you going to…?" He clears his throat to mask the crack in his voice, "When's the date of your _departure_?"

For the fraction of a second, he lets me see the pain and grief ripping his insides apart and for a second, I share his pain because I'm compassionate like that and I still remember how much he loved me.

I know he tries to hold me back. I know he tries to manipulate me. I know he's heard of Esme's turning human and he still hopes I would return to him, changing my decision to join her. I can see it in his eyes that he would take me back, making me the most spoiled lover in the world.

He reaches out to touch me but I pull away from his hand. I don't want him to see what kind of thoughts are looming inside of me.

Putting on a polite smile, I respond: "Next month."

"The day?"

"Does it matter?"

"I want to remember the day I lost you."

I want to scream at him, that he lost me the day I left him, but all I do is to walk to my laptop, where my appointments are scheduled.

"16th of June." It isn't necessary for me to remind him that the date is the same day and month I left him in 1867. I'm sentimental like that, finding a strange satisfaction in seeing the hurt in his eyes. I see he's getting my message, as it slowly occurrs to him that I've chosen this date on purpose.

I see the understanding dawning in on him, as he slowly puts the pieces of the puzzle together in his head and his lips pull into a lazy smile, admitting his defeat. I return his smile, not believing for a second that his smile is genuine, confirming what I already know: he won't keep his promise to me.

Either way, I'm on the losing end of this story.

Pulling out his phone from his pocket, he checks the message he got and his demeanor is suddenly very different. I can't put my finger on it, but when he starts to talk again, I feel an ingenuine undertone in his voice.

"So this is our last time we see each other." He says softly.

I clench my teeth, nodding.

"Can I kiss you for one last time?" His tone is pleading, his eyes filled with sadness.

I shake my head.

"I'd rather not. Please." I add hastily when he leans closer, and there's only an inch separating us from touching.

"I've never forced you into anything." He whispers against my mouth and I swallow nervously. "I won't start forcing you know."

"Thank you." I exhale in relief when he takes a step back, ready to leave.

"So this is it." His whisper is barely audible. "Farewell, my love. _Xaire…_"

"Fare-thee well." I respond, closing my eyes.

He's gone when I open them again as my phone starts to ring.

"Hey Dad, what's up?" Jasper's light tone is followed by cute giggles in the background. I let the joy wash over me in an instant, hearing their voices as they try to keep calm, but fail.

"You know the usual, lots of paperwork and preparations." I keep my tone casual because I know I'm put on the speaker and this is not the time to discuss my weird encounter with Aro. "How's the holiday going with Charlie?"

"Sue spoiled us with the best meal; the kids are tanned and have become little savages, not listening to us at all." He says with a laugh.

"How's Bella doing?" I ask with a concern in my tone, because usually, she is under medical watch for three weeks after she helped to a vampire to transform. This is the first time I can't check her vitals multiple times per day to make sure she's okay.

"She's… ugh… okay. She just took a nap." Jasper responds hesitantly before the phone is apparently ripped from his hand.

"Grandpa!" I smile at the endearment, hearing them fighting over who gets the phone. "Guess what? Our family is going to have a new member!" Jasper Jr. is shouting the good news into the speaker and I freeze.

"Oh. Mommy is going to give you a new sister or brother?" It takes all of my self control to sound happy.

"Much better!" Lizzie yells in the background. "Mommy and daddy are leaving town to get us a puppyyyy!" The end of the word ends in a squeal of delight.

And with that, my legs give out from under me in relief, hating myself form my reaction. I take the seat and talk to Jasper for a few minutes, sending my love to everyone before we hang up.

Taking my coat, I leave my office and I'm actually surprised to see the sun is setting. It had been a long day. I can't wait to finally be at home and have a glass of wine with Esme.

"Carlisle." An oddly familiar voice stops me dead in my tracks just when I'm about to unlock the door of my car.

I turn around slowly, taking my time, to mentally prepare myself for the certainly unpleasant meeting with Aro's wife.

"Sulpicia." I nod at her, my expression guarded and polite. "To what do I owe this pleasant visit of yours?"

She regards me with a look filled with contempt and I don't blame her for it. Aro may have been married to her for more than a thousand years now and she saw some seriously sick shit happen in the catacombs of Volterra, but no one humiliated her more than her own husband when he openly chose me over her.

I never forget the look of hurt in her crimson eyes as she was required to stand next to Aro's throne while I got my own seat on his right side, which was her rightful place. Aro never let her out of his sight because their marriage sealed the treaty between the two of the most influencing covens and Volterra belonged actually to her family. She never said a word in my presence and if I recall correctly, Aro never spoke or touched her from the second he'd met me.

She wouldn't dare to kill me, Jane's presence made sure of that, but the hatred never left her gaze whenever she looked at me.

"I never thanked you for leaving my husband." He tone is cold and every word is well calculated. "Actually, I have to thank you for a lot more."

Taking a quick look around, I let out a sigh as I see an older lady walking her dog, her steps deliberately slow as she eyes us with interest. Surely, Sulpicia is a sight to behold, with her black hair cascading down to her waist, her olive complexion accentuated by a golden top and tight white pants, wearing sky high heels and aviators to hide the crimson of her eyes.

"We should take this conversation to my office, if you don't mind." Ever the gentleman, I can't force myself to rudely send her off on her merry way back where she came from. I owe her a lot; the guilt and shame of my past with her husband still hovers over me.

Once back in my office, she sniffs the air, noticing Aro's scent.

"So he came to say goodbye to you. How sweet." She puts down her sunglasses and places them on my desk, before taking an inspecting look around the room.

"I'm sorry, I didn't ask him to come here." My tone is apologetic, but anger starts to boil in me when she returns to me and takes a discreet whiff of me.

"I don't feel his stench on you." She muses, her shoulders relaxing a little. "At least, you had the decency to turn him down."

"I swear I didn't encourage him to come here." I try again but she holds up her hand, effectively stopping the flow of my nervous words.

"I know. I've heard it through the grapevine myself and I think he wasn't officially informed about your plans as well."

"Do you know who told him?" I ask, though I know I'd never get the answer.

"You know how it goes – someone utters a word here and there, someone else confirms it… the usual." She takes inventory of the framed photos of my family, taking a good look at all of them, like she couldn't believe her own eyes, before she turns her gaze to me as I sit behind my desk. "Anyway, discussing my dear husband is not the purpose of my visit here. Or,"she adds, after giving it a second thought, "Or maybe we should talk about him first."

I stay silent, watching her move around slowly, lethally. With women like her, one never knows if she's going to pat you over your head, or rip your throat out. I'm younger and stronger than her, but I've seen her in fights and this woman had mastered her fighting skills over the two thousand years of her existence. The hearsay said she was the brain behind Aro's peace-centered policy, but no one acknowledged her wisdom and skills.

Finally, she stops at my desk, taking a seat on the patient's chair.

"I bet you wonder what I'm doing here." I remain motionless, prepared to hear anything. She watches me with a scrutinizing stare before her lips pull into a smile. "Let's rehash our mutual past. You know the part when you fucked my husband right under my nose for sixty years."

"I'm sorry for hurting you." I don't dare even to blink as I sense her being on the edge. She could snap at any moment and dying wasn't on my wishlist for today. "Sulpicia, you need to know my love for him was genuine."

"I know." She scoffs. "Also, I know your love to him lasted for nolonger than a month, until you found out how selfish and ridiculous he is with his theathrical actions. I watched you. I knew you wanted to get away from him, but you were too weak and too naïve to leave him. Did you know he was mocking me even with the colours he made you wear?" She studies with the painting on my wall with a mock interest.

"What?" I stare at her dumbfounded.

"Oh, you didn't know." Her fingers trace the silhouette of my face on the picture. "The white and gold were the colours of _my _family, the colours of the one true vampire royal family. He was just a poor loser before I laid my eyes on him. He built his wealth and power with my help and when he made sure I'd never leave him, he just kicked me away like I wasn't more than a pair of muddy boots."

"I'm truly sorry for that."

She leans forward on her elbows, over the desk, her lethal eyes boring into mine.

"I'm not here to blame you for what he did to me. As much as it hurts to admit, it was partially my fault too. But, I was too occupied with other things at the time he had his affair with you."

"So, why are you here then?" I raise my brow at her and she lets out a chuckle.

"I see, it just occurred to you I didn't come to kill you." Her face turns suddenly serious. "Don't test me, dearest Carlisle. I came to do you a favour and the least you could do is to show some respect to me."

"A favour?"

She nods and leans back on her seat, regarding me with an amused look.

"My husband thinks he's a genius to allow you to continue your experiments and research. He thinks he's the first vampire in the history who found such important leverage." She rolls her eyes as she says it. "Here's the newsflash: he's pretty late with this shit."

"Excuse me?" I'm totally confused now.

"I see I really got your attention." She smiles at me and this time, it's genuine. "As weird as it sounds, I have to thank you for having an affair with my husband. He never once touched me since then and this way, my thoughts are always sheltered from him."

I watch her, rendered speechless.

"While you were playing house with my husband, I learned that there are lots of our kind who were careful to shy away from his touch by then. I learned all their tricks and later, when they were sure Aro wouldn't touch me in the foreseeable future, I was allowed to learn the Volturi's secret."

"Who are _they_?" I ask, after I pick my jaw from the floor.

"Caius and Marcus. My dear husband is so sure of their loyalty that he hasn't touched them for the past five hundred years." She flips back her hair, her eyes never leaving mine. "They just needed someone to occupy him so they could approach me. And man, was I surprised to learn their secret…"

The gears in my mind work with crazy speed. What does her visit have to do with my forced agreement with Aro? Why does she saying me things like this now, when I'm going to leave the vampire world behind me? And most importantly, why did she let me in on her secret?

My brain tries to put the pieces together, until the realization slowly dawns on me. It's so shocking I refuse to believe it.

"I see, you are starting to get what I'm saying."

"The Volturi know about the _singers._" The words that leave my mouth sound strange even to my own ears.

She nods and regards me with an expecting look.

"But Aro doesn't."

"That's the point. I think, considering the options he gave you, I don't need to explain further why couldn't we let him know the truth about them. Since he learned about the Swan girl, he bought himself into the most expensive hospitals all over the world. All he needs is you starting to send him the confirmed blood samples and he is ready to set the best experts on this research. With other words, he only needs you to make the first step. Only you know, at this time, what to look for in Isabella's blood. Once you isolate the special gene, Aro is going to start his despotic reign over the world. He doesn't want world peace. He isn't interested in keeping the peace between our covens. All he wants is to come out and rule the world."

"How do you know this?" My voice shakes, despite my efforts to stay put.

"The ones you took under your wings are not completely lost cases. Alice is careful to avoid his touch, has been for two years now and Edward pops in from time to time for a _friendly_ visit." She smirks. "They confirmed what we've already were suspecting: my husband simply lost his mind. We need to eradicate him from the face of the Earth before he does something unforgivably stupid."

"And Jane?" She's his secret weapon.

Her smirk never falters and it's not the first time in years, I'm amazed by this woman.

"Jane played her part well, occupying Aro's mind with the vampire wars and Maria's conspiracy against the Volturi, effectively leading him on exactly how it'd fit our plans. Every time a vampire showed up at the throne chamber with a weird story about the _singer_s, either we made sure they never spoke up again, or we ordered the vampire to leave. We are lucky to know the _singers _don't live for too long."

"What do you mean?"

"Ah, those 80-90 years of their pitiful lives… who cares?" She shrugs and I let the relief wash over me. For a vampire of her age, it's really not a long time, to live for eight or nine decades. "Anyway, Marcus and Caius were getting fed up with his despotical ideas and they involved me in their plans."

"That's why you never once raised your word against me." I feel used, but weirdly, it doesn't bother me.

"Your presence served the right purpose. You left in the right time when Aro was this close to discover the truth." She mimics a pinch with her thumb and forefinger.

"Why are you telling me all of this now? Why isn't it important to you if I know this or not?"

She regards me speculatively, like she is leading an inner debate with herself.

"You are a bit slow today, Carlisle. I just told you that Jane is on our side and you don't even raise a brow." She stares at me patiently, letting me absorb the next bit of information. "The whole shit with Maria was just to mislead my dear husband. She's a crazy bitch and she kind of deserves what she gets, but" She raises her manicured finger, "She isn't in pain anymore. I took personally care of the business, with my own hands. May she rest in peace or rot in hell, I don't care."

"At least, she doesn't suffer anymore." I say. "And Aro can't even punish you for it."

"Well, now you hit the nail on the head." She entwines her fingers in front of her, resting them on my desk, the gold rings twinkling in the artificial light. "He is not going to punish anyone at all. Like, never. It doesn't mean, though, that he doesn't deserve a proper slap across his head for everything he ever did."

Jane accompanied him on his trip to me.

My eyes widen in shock.

"Is Jane going to kill him?"

"Oh please, it wouldn't be a punishment for him at all. It would be even a lamer plan than Maria's was. Once I learned about the humans with this strange ability, the perfect plan started to form in my head. Caius and Marcus supported my idea and all we had to do was to wait."

"You waited for two hundred years to take your revenge on him?"

"Sometimes you have to wait for the right opportunity for a lifetime; and the best form of the revenge is when one doesn't even know who pulls the strings from behind."

"What's going to happen to him?"

She looks so innocent that I almost believe her.

"Before he left, he got a text message from Alice that Isabella got pregnant and that this is the right opportunity for him to kill her." She bats her lashes, holding up Alice's phone in her hand.

I jump from my seat.

"She's going to die, oh my God…" I stutter, trying to form a coherent thought in my head, panicking.

"Hey, Carlisle. Calm down." I feel her hand on my arm and I flinch.

"Get the hell away from me!" I scream at her. "You planned it all!"

"I said, calm the fuck down." She seethes at me with an authoritative tone and I become motionless. "Call Isabella."

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I don't care that the fabric of my shirt rips at my speed, before speed dialing her number.

It rings two times before she picks up. The longest twenty seconds of my life.

"Hey Dad, what's up?" I can hear her smiling into the phone.

"Bella, where are you?" My voice is trembling, as I run my fingers through my hair nervously.

"On my way with Jasper back to the kids." Her tone doesn't waver.

"Where were you? I talked to Jasper an hour ago and he said… he said…"

"That I'm pregnant?" She laughs. "He was kidding. I'm having my period now, if you must know. I didn't forget my promise to you… the third addiction to the Whitlock family is going to be a puppy and not a baby, I assure you. But, after you turned, who knows, maybe we'll surprise you with a third grandkid?"

Her tone is light and teasing and I'm completely torn.

"Bella, don't get me wrong but I need you to hide somewhere. Take the kids and just leave."

My eyes meet Sulpicia's over the phone and her smirk remains on place.

"Hey Dad, what's the rush? We have another week of the vacation ahead." She laughs into the speaker.

"Bella…" My tone is warning.

There's a pause on the other end of the line.

"Hold on. You are you talking about what I think you are talking about?" She doesn't sound surprised.

"If you mean by Aro and Jane heading your way, then yes, that's what I mean." I confirm and Jesus, my hands start shaking.

I hear Jasper taking the phone from her hand.

"Hey, Carlisle, chill. We took care of that business three days ago."

"What are you talking about? He was at my place just an hour ago!" I'm desperate.

"So? Who says Jane is leading him here?"

"What the hell is going on?" I'm confused and I hate it.

"Look, Dad, we just got to the house. I believe Sulpicia wil explain everything to you." And with this, he simply hangs up.

Sulpicia regards me with a cool stare.

"What's going to happen?" I ask shakily.

"As I said, my dearest husband trusts Alice's visions blindly, especially, when he isn't there to touch her to see if she speaks the truth. She told him that Isabella is hospitalized in a healthcare centre in New York which we both know is thousands of miles from the west coast where your family currently are on their vacation." She smiles triumphantly at me. "He's going to reach the room she is supposed to be, in an hour, I guess. The smell of her blood will lead him into the right room. If he figures out sooner what's going on, Jane will pacify him. Caius and Marcus will be waiting for him, along with Alice who monitors his decisions, in case something comes up."

Jesus. This woman leaves nothing to the coincidence.

"What's going to happen?"

"It's quite easy. Isabella was kind enough to donate her blood and let Edward to heal her, three days ago."

"You risked her life for this? She just helped Esme's transformation a mere week ago!" I yell at her. Apparently, I lost all my manners tonight.

"There was no time to hesitate. Aro planned to pay a visit to you right after your wife's becoming human." She smooths her hair and her whole posture is relaxed. "Isabella risked it, she survived, as you heard for yourself in the phone and the rest is… going to be history."

"What do you plan to do with him?"

"Nothing interesting. In fact, I'm not going to kill him. I'll just let Caius and Marcus force Isabella's blood down his throat and let him turn into human. And then… I will have him transferred back to Volterra and watch him age and dessicate of some disease or old age."

"He might ask someone to turn back him into a vampire..." I mumble, dumbfounded.

This is the first time she looks straight into my eyes.

"Dear, innocent Carlisle... you think I am that stupid?" She lets out a chuckle full of mirth. "You don't pay attention to me at all, as I see. I told you I know about the singers for two centuries now. Don't you think I did my own research as well?"

"What?" I slowly put the pieces of the puzzle together, seeing a hint of something that I never gave a second thought before.

"I did my little experience on several newborns and singers during the wars with Maria. I let them turn human and then tried to make them become vampires again and guess what?" She regards me with a smile of relief and determination. "Once someone is turned back to human, it's irreversible. They stay human. This is what Aro doesn't count on. This is my chance against him and believe me, I'm not going to pass."

Knowing Aro, there is no bigger punishment for him. He despises the humans, their lives don't mean more to him than the life of a moth… he refuses to drink from old or sick people because they disgust him…

"I'm glad you know him well enough for not asking me for the why's in this story." She grabs her purse, before standing up.

Her cell chirps and she checks the text.

Inarticulate sounds are coming from her phone and she holds up the screen for me too see as Marcus pushes the content of a bloodbag into Aro's mouth, as he's being held down by Jane and Caius.

"What's going to happen now?"

"You return to your family, undergoing the transforming ritual with your Isabella and you are going to live your happily ever after."

"What about you?"

She reaches for the doorknob before flashing a last smirk at me.

"They say the women started to rule the twentieth century. It's time to adopt this policy in our universe too, don't you think?" She adjusts one of her clincking bracelets. "As for the whole _singers _thing. The Volturi know how to keep a secret. You and your family will die in a few decades and we can forget this incident. If another vampire comes up with the ridiculous idea of the _singers,_ we are going to take care of the problem."

"You are going to be the head of the Volturis." This is not even a question.

"I _am _the head of the Volturis. Have been for two centuries now. I made sure the _singers _weren't exposed earlier. I'll make sure the humans stay safe from us… at least, those who won't come to Volterra. Though, I'm fed up with living in a constant sunlight and not being able to enjoy it… who knows where our new residence is going to be. Anyway, if you see the signs of our presence in a city or a town, leave. Immediately. I might not recognize you." She says it as a warning and not as a threat.

"Thank you." I'm still processing what I learned, feeling shocked and scared. And, strangely, there's some calmness settling over my emotions, knowing, that everything is going to be fine. Walking slowly to the huge painting of me and the Volturi, I take it down and with a sudden decision, I break the frame into half and don't stop until it's nothing more than a pile of small pieces. I throw it into the fireplace and light the fire instantly, watching with weird satisfaction as the last memory of me and them turns to ashes.

On my way home, I type my thank you to Bella. All she sends back is a winky face.

I can't wait to get back to my wife, being surrounded by the family I call proudly my own. I miss their warmth, the pounding of so many loving hearts close to me.

I can't wait to join them.

X

**A/N: Xaire in ancient greek means farewell, and Fare-thee well is the ancient form of saying farewell.**

**Thank you for reading.**


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